Five meaty ideas for Smashburger's new TV campaign

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Smashburger, our locally born and quickly proliferating burger chain, is taking its wares to the small screen with its first-ever television ads. One thirty-second spot, created by Denver-based Definite Productions, is a burger-fan dream sequence, reportedly complete with actual beef patty-smashing action meant to demonstrate the differences between Smashburger's hand-smashed burgers and other burger joints' NOT hand-smashed anythings. Sounds good, but we think Smashburger could do even better.

Here's our list of five awesome, completely viable television ad ideas for Smashburger. (*Warning*: There may be people/animals/other things harmed during the production of these commercials.)

See also:
- Smashburger offers many opportunities for delicious deviation
- First look: Smashburger unveils new design concept
- Smashburger hauls its buns all the way to Costa Rica

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Smashburger's Tom Ryan.
5. Tom Ryan channeling romance novel glamor
Smashfounder Tom Ryan, a bona fide food-industry rock star (and the brains behind the McDonald's McGriddle sandwich) is a very pretty man. He is tall, tanned, impeccably dressed and has flowing locks that rival those of Fabio in his heyday -- so what better way to promote Smashburger than to put Ryan's suave good looks out there, on TV, to lure in the ladies (and probably some gentlemen)? Yes, Smashburger should use one of the oldest marketing tricks in the book: sex appeal. Give Ryan a poofy white silk shirt with lace-up front and David-Bowie-tight britches, put him in front of an industrial-sized fan for maximum hair-blowing...and have him look into the camera and then say something profound, like "So very pleased to meat you!"

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This is your brain...
4. This is your brain...on Smashburger
Anyone who had enough earth years to be cognizant in 1987 definitely remembers the now-cult-classic "This is your brain....this is your brain on drugs" commercial put out by Partnership for a Drug-Free America (how's that working out, BTW?). An egg is cracked on the edge of a hot frying pan, the egg pops and crackles loudly as it sears, and...well, you get it. Smashburger's marketing execs should try this visually-stimulating tough love approach to pushing its products. How about a hot grill, a Smash-patty sizzling on it, and a voiceover in the background saying, "This is your burger...this is your burger on Smash. Any questions?"

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Smashburger? Ohhhh myyyyy....
3. A hot celebrity endorsement
Basic marketing 101 dictates that in order to make a product popular fast and hard, a celeb commercial spot is the golden ticket. A couple of high-profile A-list movie or television stars licking around the edges of a Smashburger bun will have customers lining up to suck the stores dry of juicy burgers and Smashfries before you can say, "Where's the motherfucking beef? Right here!" If Smash can't get an A-list tough guy, maybe it could go for Tom Sizemore (if Smash can post his bail) or Bruce Jenner (if is has a bottle of lotion to bribe him with). Or if Smash wants the best celeb bang for its burger bucks, it can pay George Takei to eat a Smashburger and write about it on his Facebook page: That guy has the entire universe following his posts, and it's obvious during every Comic Con that Trekkies have disposable income.


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