Egg turds and forky dumbells: Top five dumbest foodie X-mas gifts this year

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Foodies tend to get the shaft during the holidays, because every year there is an increasing number of useless, gimmicky, and downright bizarre food-related gadgets available for purchase everywhere -- and non-food nerd friends and family just lo-o-o-ve to buy them. While it would be nice for non-foodies to cease and desist with the holiday gift swindles, that's probably too much to ask Santa for this year, but at least now you know to avoid these: the top five dumbest foodie X-mas gifts this year.

See also: The 10 Most Pointless Christmas Foods

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5. Sipatiniz Spill-Resistant Martini Party Glasses

It's widely known that carrying around a martini glass in one hand and a greasy napkin filled with prosciutto-wrapped dates in the other requires some degree of dexterity, so having a glassful of delicious martini not end up on your feet is a lovely selling point. But when you consider the fact that regular martini glasses aren't supposed to be filled to the brim anyway and the whole point of drinking a classy, stately drink such as a martini becomes the mootest of points when served in a plastic contraption for drooling trailer park idiots...well, it kinda makes you wanna just keep a grip on the old glass stems. And these glasses are not, strictly speaking, spill-proof, any more than bicycles with training wheels are crash-proof.

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4. Lumigram Fiber Optic Placemats

There was a glorious time when fiber optic things -- and things that glow in the dark -- were new, edgy and amazing, and that time was the 1980s. These shimmery place mats look like they were left over props from a Star Trek movie/show set, which I'm sure is aesthetically pleasing to Trekkies, but for everyone else, they are about a hundred thousand light years past useless.

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3. The Pop-Up Egg Maker

Here's a funny joke: What can you purchase for a foodie friend/relative for $39.95 (plus shipping and handling) that will ensure they crop-dust your couch with egg and bell pepper poots? The answer: Hammacher Schlemmer's Pop-Up Egg Maker. This to-go coffee mug-looking device has a hole in the top where you can drip in two eggs at a time, plus some accoutrements like peppers, cheese and chocolate chips, and then, after six to eight minutes, retrieve what looks like an egg turd with a little stick.

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15 comments
Sterling Meeks
Sterling Meeks

You seem to buy into a lot of phony social media trends, Nicky.

Sterling Meeks
Sterling Meeks

I hope your "hot dog" gets sliced whilst attempting to poke the egg cooker thingy.

Bryan Clark
Bryan Clark

I want the hot dog slicer so I can mix it in the egg cooker thingy

Sterling Meeks
Sterling Meeks

Another useless product courtesy of late-night infomercials

GFTW
GFTW

LOL, Jenn crashed her bike with training wheels. I saw her do it, on one of the Cruiser Rides.

Mariah Lehnert
Mariah Lehnert

Rich - in case you are looking for that perfect gift for Chuck this year!

Mark Blakeley
Mark Blakeley

George Foreman Grill = Lorena Bobbett Dog Dicer

david.m.roth
david.m.roth

I saw the infomercial last night for the Bacon Bowl and got angry. There should be an honorable mention for that one

Archer80022
Archer80022

These gifts are about as useful as an entire article written about them.

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