Top five reasons why Taco Bell won't kick Chipotle's ass

Categories: The List

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Taco Bell has been making a serious effort lately to get a chunk of Chipotle's customer demographic and failing at it, but the Bell's new strategy to beat out Chipotle may be as ineffective as it is cunning. Taco Bell, piggybacking on its healthier Cantina Bell menu, is rolling out a new high-protein Cantina Power Menu aimed right at men, cheapos, paleo diet nuts -- and Chipotle's deep pockets.

Here are the top five reasons why Taco Bell just can't kick Chipotle's ass right now. Taco Bell gets two headpats for trying, but Chipotle is still gonna eat them for lunch.

See also: Will Del Taco's 50th anniversary "Throwback Classic" bun taco resurrect Taco Bell Beefer?

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5) Millennials want healthy fast-casual.

The buying power of Millennials is just as important (and lucrative) as their hipster clothing trends and despite Chipotle's recent price hike, the chain's burrito bowls are still flying outta the kitchens largely due to twenty-somethings buying them like mother*ckers. Millennials are as loyal to Chipotle as they are to their iPhones. They enthusiastically eat up the naturally-raised meats and organic ingredients and seem to prefer fresh ingredients and a low-pressure, hip atmosphere more than they do the less expensive mostly-meat and sloppy beans sold in the greasy, steamy fast food cave of Taco Bell.

When these same twenty-somethings are wasted at the end of the night when the trendy bars and hip clubs close, they are still inclined to horf Mexi melts and nachos Bellgrande So in essence, Chipotle is their expensive daylight date, whileTaco Bell is their cheap hookup freak.

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4) Taco Bell has a reputation for being on the dark side

Taco Bell has serious and well-deserved street cred as the late-night fast-food hookup devil, whereas Chipotle is the lunch and dinnertime chosen-child angel of Mexican food. Taco Bell is the prince of darkness, and Chipotle is the fairy princess of light. This dark rep helps Taco Bell sell bean burritos with extra fire sauce to every drunk, stoner, vampire, online gamer and suicide case within a ten-mile radius of each of its stores, but customers with self-respect, self-restraint and full-time employment are choosing to forgo the drippy nacho cheese and instead fuel their tanks with Chipotle's fresh guacamole.

Taco Bell cannot hope to take a chunk out of Chipotle's bottom line while customers with expendable income think of the Bell as a sick, twisted indulgence they crawl to only because Chipotle isn't open in the middle of the night.


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3) People will pay more for Chipotle

A moment of stark honesty here: Chipotle's menu items, on average, cost more than Taco Bell's. Chipotle's menu items look more visually appealing, they are better-prepared, they are fresher, they contain actual ingredients that you can pronounce with little effort, they taste like food rather than salty plops of barn leavings, and when you walk into a Chipotle your nostrils are treated to fine aromas of corn, cilantro and that amazing spicy red sauce they use on the Sofritas. The inside of a Taco Bell store reeks like pit sweat, old cheese, even older fryer grease, and burnt corn tortillas.

Taco Bell's food is cheaper. Its new menu items will also cost less than Chipotle's similar items. But consumers today have higher standards than ever before (new generations of foodies, sniff) and they will absolutely wallet-vote accordingly, and the nicer smells are a huge bonus.

Keep reading for more reasons why Taco Bell can't beat Chipotle...


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38 comments
Virgil Dunn
Virgil Dunn

Funny you say that. You're more likely to spot a Saab at a Crappo Bell in the wee hours of the morning than you are to see one at Chipot-less during lunch hour.

Arthur Jimenez
Arthur Jimenez

I love you both equally and there's enough of me for both of you. Please stop fighting.

Sunset Sam
Sunset Sam

THEY BOTH SUCK ! Even in Denver there are tex/mex places every two blocks ! PS. Taco Hell's re-fried beans are made from powder , mixed w/water , yum !

Mandee Carter
Mandee Carter

Um no the difference is taco hell is open when it's dark and no one will see you, and chipotle will sell you a burrito the size of your arm in daylight. Not comparable.

Sharon Kryza Chagolla
Sharon Kryza Chagolla

I can't figure out why you are comparing Taco Bell to chipotle. It's like comparing a Pinto to a Saab. They don't belong in the same breath , much less an entire news story.

Patrick Layman
Patrick Layman

Step 1 Jenn reads a smarmy paragraph on thechive.co_m Step 2 Jenn runs with this freshman wit until her 6000 words could no longer be associated with the original tripe. Step 3 Jenn makes it Denver specific. Ugh

Stan Salazar
Stan Salazar

Neither are real Mexican joints so who cares.

Virgil Dunn
Virgil Dunn

Another one of Jenn Wohletz's lame attempts at journalism? Don't make us laugh.

efossum2004
efossum2004

Actual Story Title Should Be:  "Why a Hipster Goober Named Jenn Likes Chipotle Much More than Taco Bell..."

Rockpile Ranter
Rockpile Ranter

That's because Taco Bell will always be a 3 buck colon cleanse.

Braden Neff
Braden Neff

Stupid. Chipotle is trash and Taco Bell is amazing. Oh and chipotle is drops in the bucket compared to yum brands

Kristin Cummings
Kristin Cummings

I stopped eating anything from taco bell a half a year ago when I bit into a bean burrito from the Tivoli campus location and a small wiggly thing pulled itself back into the beans. I spit out what I had in my mouth and threw it all away. I'm also challenging myself to give up all fast food completely.

Trish Aguirre
Trish Aguirre

Who would even put these two in the same category anyway?!

Nathan Seely
Nathan Seely

Who cares? They are both subpar and serve fake mexican food. Props to Chipotle for being able to sell rice and beans seasoned with a little meat at huge gains. Sorry to all the suckers that buy into it. Taco Bell is Taco Bell end of storry.

Tony Tafoya
Tony Tafoya

i know youre not devouring that Cheap ol tae late nightS!

Sean Dolan
Sean Dolan

Lets guess....buying spoiled meat from China?

Isaac Loya
Isaac Loya

You're actually comparing these two? Fucking Westword! (SPIT!!!)

Cynthia Mendez
Cynthia Mendez

The article was worse. Thanks for comparing apples to kiwis.

Jessica Shrewsbury
Jessica Shrewsbury

Um, Taco Bell and Chipotle can't be compared. This is the dumbest headline I've seen all year.

Ronnie Mooney
Ronnie Mooney

taco bell already kicks chipotles ass. casa bonita kicks chipotles ass.

Hunter Jones
Hunter Jones

Reason #1 Chipotle serves food, has standards.

WillieStortz
WillieStortz topcommenter

Chipotle: Where the CEO's make $20+ million a year while the line cooks make minimum wage and liberal hipsters turn a blind eye to all of it.

ToxicHell
ToxicHell

They already tried last year with that disastrous "Cantina Bell" menu, where everything tasted frozen and from a can... because it was. 

GFTW
GFTW

Jennifurr:


Hurr durr. Durr hurr durr durr durr. Hurr durr durr hurr durr durr. Hurr durr hurr.


Yurrz,

GFTW

Ed_Gruberman
Ed_Gruberman

"Give it up, Taco Bell. You simply cannot beat Chipotle at its own game."

On the other hand, when it comes to zero-warning explosive diarrhea, the Bell wins hands (and hopefully if you're quick enough, pants) down... 

davebarnes
davebarnes topcommenter

One serves tasty food.

One serves fuel.

You choose which you want.

Or, if you are being really cheap, you order only 99¢ items.

GFTW
GFTW

I'd say go back and read Jenninfurrz earlier storiez but I think she'z taken most of teh year off. Look back last year 4 even dumberer storiez!!

GFTW
GFTW

@ToxicHell Jenninfurrz consulted on that Cantina Bell thing.

GFTW
GFTW

@DonkeyHotay Yes, totally. I can't lie that I can't delay that I do it all 4 teh nookie with Jenninfurrz.

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