Five Disturbing New Pieces of Food Service Technology

Categories: Lists

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The machines are rising again, and the food service industry is making it happen. Technological advances aren't always a bad thing, and lately there have been some pretty effin' cool mechanical grub-stuffers out there, like the Burrito Box vending machine in West Hollywood (we need this badly!) and the Frobot in Washington D.C. that dispenses fresh frozen yogurt (we really need this!). But on the flip side, there are a few robotic monstrosities trolling around that should scare the dangles off of the human population.

Here's a list of five disturbing new pieces of food service technology. These new bots will probably scare the hell out of Baskin-Robbins employees, Pizza Hut, everyone with foodie friends on Facebook, and minimum wage workers.

See also: Red Robin's Burger Works: Rise of the machine

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5. The cake-decorating bot.

Baskin-Robbins cake decorators should be on high alert for Unifiller Systems' Deco-Bot: a high-tech robotic cake-decorating machine that can automatically frost cakes as well as create swirls, rosettes, writing, and yes, those pain-in-the-ass buttercream roses. In true "they-took-our-jobs!" style, this bakery equipment could eliminate carpal tunnel and arthritis in cake decorators on the job -- by replacing frosting-bag wielding workers with cold stainless steel. Sadly, eradicating actual jobs will be the price we all will pay to have perfectly symmetrical icing roses on our birthday cakes.

The tiny buttercream carrots on carrot cakes, however, look just as dismal being squirted out of the machine as they do when people pipe them by hand, proving that some things cannot be improved upon with technology.

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4. The ninety-second pizza vending machine.

It's a pizza vending machine, because of course it is. Box Brands out of L.A., makers of the beloved Burrito Box, is fixing to test its new pie-box tech in the next few months, and in an enthusiastic bid to crush Pizza Hut restaurants everywhere, these vending bots will flash-cook a frozen pizza and pop it out in about a minute and a half. A company rep told Business Insider that these machines will be like ATMs for food, or "AFFMs," automatic fast-food machines.

Pizza Hut, this is an opportune time for you to finally get around to creating the voice-activated, pizza-puck hydrator from Back to the Future II.

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3. The USB-powered desktop microwave.

There is nothing more pathetic, telling and sad-sack than seeing your office mates parked at their desks, scooping semi-lukewarm globs of microwave meals in their mouths -- thus encapsulating everything that's wrong with our workaholic culture. Helping to make sure cubicle junkies stay that way forever is British designer Steve Gates, who recently invented the Brainwave USB-powered desktop microwave, just big enough to house a single frozen dinner. This depressing, mechanical commentary on the American dream is still in its conception phase, but it will absolutely end up in offices everywhere, because there is no god.

I will almost definitely buy one.

For more disturbing food-bots, read on...


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24 comments
Jay Cismaru
Jay Cismaru

Looks about as powerful as a 1960 Easy Bake Oven

Ylice Golden
Ylice Golden

I think it would be good for truckers, RV owners, and people who live in tiny homes like one room log cabins or itty bitty studios. You don't have to use it at work or even your desk. That is just silly.

Joel Matthews
Joel Matthews

Lazy?.. But walking 10 steps to the kitchen to microwave something makes it's a physical activity!? Hahaha! Good point.

Bradley Langston
Bradley Langston

I can just see microwave pizza dripping into the keyboard.

DonkeyHotay
DonkeyHotay

I've got to complement/insult Jenn again, it's great to see that your probation officer has given you permission to write articles again! Cafe Society wasn't the same without you.


And whoa! Every item on the list is incredibly depressing. Sick Sad World.

Renee Lov
Renee Lov

Will it flip the dough in the air like pizza parlors do? Lol doesn't sound tasty.

Nate Gilbert
Nate Gilbert

Hell no, most of the time the vending machines won't even give me my chips or kids candy, let alone buying a pizza

GFTW
GFTW

Anothur listicle from Jennifurr, and soo soon!! Ur gittin ur groove back gyrlllllll!!!!

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