The Top Five Reasons Why Ramen Noodles Are Tasty Little Death Traps

Categories: The List

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Welcome to hell.
As if the news hasn't been depressing enough forever lately, now ramen noodles are back in it, getting a bad rap -- what could be worse than that? Apparently America's favorite college-diet staple is all set to fuck up stomachs, destroy lives and even shove some folks into their cold graves, all while looking just as innocent and delicious as they always do.

Here's a list of the top five reasons why ramen noodles are tasty little death traps. Apparently they will kill you good and dead, even the Oriental flavoring -- the best of the ramen powder packets.

See also: Pho and ramen: The differences will bowl you over

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5. Ramen packs are cheap as dirt.

No, really -- a brick of ramen noodles is so cheap, they'd probably let you pay for it with a handful of dirt -- which is the main reason why those suckers are so popular. Noodles in packs or cups usually cost under a buck; adding a few squirts of cock sauce or a bit of canned corn may raise the flavor profile without adding much more to the price. And sadly, ramen makes a meal for more than just broke-ass college kids -- they're also a staple with broke-ass every kind of people, and the easy prep makes ramen a quick meal for the kiddos too.

Why are cheap, hot, somewhat-filling noodle packs and cups a bad thing? Because the low price makes them easily accessible to folks who may not know that they are really, horribly, cruelly unhealthy.

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4. Ramen noodles are really effin' fatty.

A little known -- and less thought about -- fact is that ramen noodles are incredibly high in fat, with a single brick containing around eight grams, four of which are saturated fat. We all hear enough about that to know that saturated is the rotten, artery-clogging kind of fat, and excess amounts will spike your cholesterol. Based on a 2,000 calorie diet (because everyone adheres to that, right?) eating a full ramen pack fulfills around forty percent of your daily value for saturated fat.

In other words, those noodles are fried in fatty-fat-fat. And you probably thought that the sodium was the ingredient that would kill you off.

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3. Ramen noodles have enough sodium in them to send you casket-shopping.

And if the above-average amount of fat in a single cup of ramen isn't enough, there's the notoriously ridiculous amount of salt to finish the job. Sure, in ramen's defense, you'll find trace amounts of iron, protein and fiber, but these negligible amounts of nutrition can't possibly defray the whopping 1,560 grams of sodium per pack, which is more than half of your FDA-recommended sodium limit of 2,300 mg per day.

Excess sodium can mess with your kidneys, causes high blood pressure, and increase the risk of strokes and heart failure. Y'know--no big deal about the organs and all.

For more reasons why ramen could kill you, read on...



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124 comments
Joe Zigmond
Joe Zigmond

That's cute, but completely wrong. You really should have paid attention in 8th grade Chemistry.

Blessed Mike
Blessed Mike

Been eating Ramen forever, because it's cheap. It's must be deadly lol

Joe Zigmond
Joe Zigmond

All I can deduce from your comments is you don't have the ABILITY to argue with people of ANY intelligence. But, thanks for stopping by.

Stephen Felt
Stephen Felt

And I was just craving some Ramen, not anymore though.

UR Royal Hotness
UR Royal Hotness

My kids and I no longer buy these. I read this article a while back...and well...no thank you

Rian Milehigh
Rian Milehigh

i refuse to agrue with ppl of your inteligence, i would be a fool to do so. I just stopped by to tell you youre an idiot.

Joe Zigmond
Joe Zigmond

Um, that is, if you had actually MADE an argument.

Joe Zigmond
Joe Zigmond

Really? Your argument would be more persuasive if you presented scientific facts which refuted my point. Good luck.

Emerson Boyd
Emerson Boyd

This is hog wash... i am 46 and have been eating these for 40 yrs.. sometimes 3 x a week @ 2 pacs a serving.... and i just haf ALL my blood work done.. and guess what... NORMAL BLOOD PRESSURE... NORMAL GOOD & BAD CHOLORESTAL.... oh... and nothing wrong with the kiddneys... sooooo... Idk where they got this info... but it is not right...

Aaron McMurray
Aaron McMurray

Just don't buy the 15 cent packages and you will probably be okay. Ramen noodles in themselves aren't bad, just the shitty cheap ones.

Casey Sahd
Casey Sahd

Ashley \U0001f62c\U0001f62c\U0001f62c

Laurence Spoo
Laurence Spoo

And her is the sad thing according to the packaging Ramon has less sodium then most cambells, and Progresso soups. If I can afford it I eat pho. Way better for you

Toby Von Kenoby
Toby Von Kenoby

But I just bought four packs of the Oriental Flavor this week. WTF am I going to do with them now?!

Rob Stiles
Rob Stiles

There are "higher qualities" out there but yes, you're a dumbass not knowing that. Ha.

Rob Stiles
Rob Stiles

Yup. The cheap stuff is really bad. The $3 per pack is just...bad.

Erika Rabenhorst-James
Erika Rabenhorst-James

lol A little light reading for you, Michele Van Soelen Mansanares,Carey Kovacs Payne and Rose Dunning! Xo

Jay Haven
Jay Haven

Rick star diet.... I take mine dry with a shot of catsup

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