The Top Five Reasons Why Ramen Noodles Are Tasty Little Death Traps

Categories: The List

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Welcome to hell.
As if the news hasn't been depressing enough forever lately, now ramen noodles are back in it, getting a bad rap -- what could be worse than that? Apparently America's favorite college-diet staple is all set to fuck up stomachs, destroy lives and even shove some folks into their cold graves, all while looking just as innocent and delicious as they always do.

Here's a list of the top five reasons why ramen noodles are tasty little death traps. Apparently they will kill you good and dead, even the Oriental flavoring -- the best of the ramen powder packets.

See also: Pho and ramen: The differences will bowl you over

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5. Ramen packs are cheap as dirt.

No, really -- a brick of ramen noodles is so cheap, they'd probably let you pay for it with a handful of dirt -- which is the main reason why those suckers are so popular. Noodles in packs or cups usually cost under a buck; adding a few squirts of cock sauce or a bit of canned corn may raise the flavor profile without adding much more to the price. And sadly, ramen makes a meal for more than just broke-ass college kids -- they're also a staple with broke-ass every kind of people, and the easy prep makes ramen a quick meal for the kiddos too.

Why are cheap, hot, somewhat-filling noodle packs and cups a bad thing? Because the low price makes them easily accessible to folks who may not know that they are really, horribly, cruelly unhealthy.

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4. Ramen noodles are really effin' fatty.

A little known -- and less thought about -- fact is that ramen noodles are incredibly high in fat, with a single brick containing around eight grams, four of which are saturated fat. We all hear enough about that to know that saturated is the rotten, artery-clogging kind of fat, and excess amounts will spike your cholesterol. Based on a 2,000 calorie diet (because everyone adheres to that, right?) eating a full ramen pack fulfills around forty percent of your daily value for saturated fat.

In other words, those noodles are fried in fatty-fat-fat. And you probably thought that the sodium was the ingredient that would kill you off.

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3. Ramen noodles have enough sodium in them to send you casket-shopping.

And if the above-average amount of fat in a single cup of ramen isn't enough, there's the notoriously ridiculous amount of salt to finish the job. Sure, in ramen's defense, you'll find trace amounts of iron, protein and fiber, but these negligible amounts of nutrition can't possibly defray the whopping 1,560 grams of sodium per pack, which is more than half of your FDA-recommended sodium limit of 2,300 mg per day.

Excess sodium can mess with your kidneys, causes high blood pressure, and increase the risk of strokes and heart failure. Y'know--no big deal about the organs and all.

For more reasons why ramen could kill you, read on...



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72 comments
Auden Ledahl
Auden Ledahl

If you leave the flavor packet out and flavor the noodles with your own chicken and veggies, it's a little more like food and it has far less sodium. Can't avoid the TBHQ though. That's in the noodle brick.

Trey Choice
Trey Choice

I find this article hilarious and useless at the same time. Starting off by saying some people are so broke they can only afford ramen noodles. Then saying how shitty they are for you and how they'll eventually kill you. Trust me if I could afford to eat something then Ramen noodles I wouldn't be eating fucking ramen noodles.

Liki Love
Liki Love

i was always a fan of Joan River until she said some foul prejudice stuff about Obama and he first lady, i was shocked and surprised....it made me not like her at all anymore

George White
George White

Then why do they have to taste so damned good?

Colleen Luckett
Colleen Luckett

That's not really Ramen (she says from her high perch in Japan ;-) ).

Lyle Conqueringbear
Lyle Conqueringbear

Good luck to everyone who has eaten Ramon noodles I've heard it from Kansas also!!! PS.. Tell that to all the stores so people know??

Moonie Kim
Moonie Kim

I can't believe no one has asked yet, but I don't think I'm the only one who is curious of this proof. You should post it here so this such and such can get his comeuppance and whatnot.

A Lisha Kue
A Lisha Kue

Well why am I still alive I eat noodles daily

Blessed Mike
Blessed Mike

Mmmm Mmmm I will go with a smile on my face

Aymen Paul
Aymen Paul

some one take mi to denveeeeeeeeeeeeeeer

Daniel J. King IV
Daniel J. King IV

When a Doctor DOES that I SAY he should Be HELD Criminally Responsible - so your STUPID, "You know this is a Public Forum' = My invitation for ANY Attorneys out there to HELP me get Dr. Raeburn WHAT he DESERVES !!!

Daniel J. King IV
Daniel J. King IV

SEE you BACK THEM in letting someone DIE because of 'PERSONAL DISLIKE' & guess what that MAKES YOU - you Sorry Sack of Shit !!!

Stephen Handler
Stephen Handler

Jeeze, I just can't understand why no one would want to help you?

Daniel J. King IV
Daniel J. King IV

Whattya they gonna DO - KILL ME, you Fucking Stupid Piece of Dumbocrap Shit - as Dr. Raeburn TOLD me if CANCER SPREADS to my Lymph Nodes I'm DEAD ANYWAY !!!

Daniel J. King IV
Daniel J. King IV

Threats of What Douche to EXPOSE Dr. Christopher Raeburn of LETTING someone DIE because he personally doesn't LIKE that Patient = BRING IT, Douchebag !!!

Stephen Handler
Stephen Handler

You know you're making threats in a public forum, right?

William Silcott
William Silcott

There is not 1,560 grams of sodium in a serving of ramen! That would be 3.43921 pounds of salt. Haha right!!! Typo? Ignorance? But yes Instant Ramen is high in sodium

Daniel J. King IV
Daniel J. King IV

Soon you, Dr. Raeburn, Patty Calhoun & MOST of the Denver News Media who HATES me because I own zzz www.ak47world.com zzz WILL GET your WISH because I was the one that ONLY Adam Shrager of 9news would do a Story on my No Permits Needed CCW law - WILL GET WHAT YOU WANT as recent SCAN shows Cancer SPREADING!

Daniel J. King IV
Daniel J. King IV

Gee Stephen, and SANE people would just let Shit Heads like Dr. Christopher Raeburn GET AWAY with his VIOLATION of the Hippocratic Oath & DIE like a good Lunatic ???

Stephen Handler
Stephen Handler

Do you really think you're helping your case by acting like a lunatic?

Daniel J. King IV
Daniel J. King IV

See Moron Stephen ACT just Like Patty Calhoun & C.U. Doctor, Christopher Raeburn in saying someone doesn't DESERVE Life-Saving Surgery because he's not PLEASANT, or some Cute Blonde Chickee = REALITY in America today where FOOLS watch Khardasians !!!

Michael Belknap
Michael Belknap

Like playing Russian roulette, just more tasty! I'll take 2 please!

Daniel J. King IV
Daniel J. King IV

Yeah Stephen YOU KNOW IT ALL don't you, you PILE of SHIT - AS i CAN back UP what I say - while you're just FULL of Baseless accusations !!!

Stephen Handler
Stephen Handler

Here's a hint- if you're dying, you don't go crying to the media. They probably just blew you off because you seem like an attention whore making slanderous accusations (and from here I'd say they made the right call)

Daniel J. King IV
Daniel J. King IV

Yeah Stephen & PLEASE TELL US how MASTER Media Manipulation Stephen Handler would handle 'Life & Death' situations when Politicians & Channels 4, 7. 9 & FOX31 KDVR.com SAY 'Not Interested' along with the The Denver Post & ALL the Congressional Offices ???

Stephen Handler
Stephen Handler

'cause whining on Westword's Facebook blog is TOTALLY how you handle life and death situations....

Xtal
Xtal

you're probably fat too


Xtal
Xtal

Well, that explains your weight problem.


DerpMcDerpston
DerpMcDerpston

*you're.  I'm sure very few people want to be involved with your dumb, crazy ass.

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