Jacqui Segura for the Cocktail Ambassador

Westword bar columnist Sean Kenyon just landed in New York City about an hour ago for the Manhattan Cocktail Classic, and once he turned his cell phone on, it started buzzing like a palpitating heart -- and Kenyon's heart just about dropped to the floor when he began reading his text messages.

See also:
- Who's a dickhead? Barman Sean Kenyon's response to Jenn Wohletz's cocktail grievances
- Food & Wine magazine names Williams & Graham one of the Top 10 Best New Bars in the U.S.
- Ten favorite cocktails (with recipes!) from ten favorite Denver bartenders

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Lori Midson

Tonight, at 6 p.m., Fooducopia's Corner Store and Cafe, a charming market that sells a huge array of local products -- and serves many of those products in its adjoining little restaurant, will appear in front of a hearings officer at 6 p.m. in the Wellington Webb building to plead its case for a liquor license.

In the majority of cases, obtaining a liquor license goes relatively smoothly...unless you're a restaurant or bar in west Washington Park, in which case, there's bound to be opposition.

See also:
- First look: Fooducopia's Corner Store and Cafe opens in the heart of Washington Park
- Brown Dog Pizza loses its battle to get a liquor license on South Gaylord Street
- Brown Dog Pizza applies for a liquor license

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On Friday, Jenn Wohletz served up "Five cocktails only a dickhead would order." Shaken, not stirred, Cafe Society contributor Sean Kenyon offers this response:

Dear Jenn Wohletz:
You don't know us
You are not one of us
You do not speak for us

I woke up Friday morning and, as is my routine, I checked e-mails, looked at my calendar, ate breakfast and checked on the Cafe Society blog. The first headline read, "Five cocktails only a dickhead would order." Before I clicked the link and went any further, I pondered for a minute. What could they be? A Mat Dillon (a lovely mix of all that is spilled into a barmat throughout the night)? A cement mixer (curdles in your mouth and is intended to make the imbiber ill)? No self-respecting bartender would serve anyone either of those. My curiosity was piqued. So I clicked. I did a double take, a triple take. That can't say "Old-Fashioned." No way. I checked the header to be sure I wasn't reading my own 2010 post on the Old Fashioned.

See also:
- Five cocktails only a dickhead would order
- Reader: Go ahead and slam daiquiris, but leave old-fashioneds alone
- Ask the bartender: What's the perfect Old Fashioned?

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It's not for me to tell you want to drink -- or eat, but suffice it to say that there's some crazy-weird stuff out there in the minds of bloody Mary makers. Why, for example, would you crown your bloody with a burger? Steak skewers strung with tater tots? How about a dead fish, positioned vertically, in your bloody Mary? How the hell do you sip that? And then there's the godforsaken meatball...bloody Mary. A bloody Mary is a drink -- not a buffet, but there are plenty of people out there who seemingly believe that the morning libation is a reason to re-imagine it as a food group. Check out these salacious, over-the-top bloody Marys that make us want to cry into a well of vodka -- or, in my case, mezcal, because vodka makes me do things that I regret.

See also:
- Denver's ten best new bars of 2012
- Best Bloody Mary Bar - 2013 The Corner Office
- At the Gallop Cafe, get the Bloody Mary

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There is a thin line between self-indulgence and being a dickhead, a line that any bartender could draw for you. On especially busy nights at any watering hole, there is always at least one person who decides to order some outdated or ridiculous beverage that takes up valuable bartender time, makes everyone else wait for their drinks, and earns the irritating imbiber the unofficial -- or official, if you are at some bars -- title of dickhead.

Friends don't let friends drive drunk -- or be the drunk who orders any one of these five cocktails. Because deserving a "bar mat surprise" drink is not something to brag about.

See also:
- Six lovely bubbly-based cocktails
- Sipping and sampling from Ace's 64 happy-hour cocktail combinations
- Best Contemporary Cocktail Bar - Squeaky Bean

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Alex Nelson founded Roundhouse Spirits in Boulder five years ago for one primary reason: he has a penchant for gin.

"I decided to start making gin not only because it's one of my favorites, but also because gins have tremendously complex flavors and still manage to be extremely versatile in mixology," he says. "Most gin contains spices and herbs from around the world, so it's a truly modern spirit for a global age."

See also:
- Woody Creek Distillers takes spirits to another level in Basalt
- Deerhammer Distilling Company mixes the old with the new in a craft spirit movement
- Free tour and tasting at Roundhouse Spirits in Boulder

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Drinking your lunch got easier at Chipotle yesterday, when the homegrown Colorado chain introduced premium Patrón margaritas in all 900 of its U.S. restaurants (out of 1,450 Chipotle locations total). Although margaritas were on the menu before this, they were made with a standard mix, and Mark Crumpacker, chief marketing officer at Chipotle, felt they were not "as delicious as they could be."

And margaritas should indeed be delicious.

See also:
- Denver's five best homegrown, fast-casual chains -- from Noodles to Chipotle
- Chipotle's Steve Ells named "America's Most Inspiring CEO " by Esquire
- Jonathan Gold weighs in on Chipotle founder Steve Ells

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Kate Gibbons

The drink menu at Ace, this year's Best New Bar winner, features no shortage of cocktails -- 64 combinations, to be exact. Intrigued by the large number of options, we recently stopped by to sip and sample from Ace's new happy-hour menu, and bar manager Randy Layman was kind enough to serve up all 64 in order for us to choose crowd favorites. The result was a tasting pageant of sorts as friends weighed in on the performance of each option throughout the evening. Keep reading for feedback on some of our favorite contestants.

See also:
- Ace's new happy hour features $1 snacks and 64 cocktail combinations
- Best New Bar 2013
- Colorful Colorado: Ace juice bar starts pouring

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All photos by Danielle Lirette

Left Hand Brewing Company will release a new IPA for a good cause next month. The beer -- which is brewed with orange zest and aged with maple Louisville Slugger baseball bats -- is a collaborative effort from nine craft breweries throughout the country. Each brewery will brew the same recipe, and proceeds from the sales will benefit Operation Homefront, a national nonprofit that provides emergency assistance to military families and wounded soldiers. Westword's Danielle Lirette stopped by Left Hand yesterday for a firsthand look at the brewing process.

See also:
- Ten Colorado beers that are hitting stores now
- Left Hand Brewing's Week Sauce was designed specifically for craft beer weeks
- Left Hand named a top fifty U.S. brewer; Oskar Blues is second in Colorado

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Pat Scanlan and Mark Kleckner

In March, Mary and Pat Scanlan and Mark Kleckner of Woody Creek Distillers opened the doors of their 10,000-square-foot, state-of-the-art distillery and tasting room in Basalt, unveiling five ultra-premium American spirits, each distilled and bottled in the Aspen Valley using spring water from Basalt and locally grown produce from the Scanlan Family Farm.

See also:
- Deerhammer Distilling Company mixes the old with the new in a craft spirit movement
- Spirit Hound Distillers in Lyons will celebrate grand opening Saturday
- Denver Distillery will open in the fall on South Broadway

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