When you are a thief, like Burger King, you have two possible paths to success: 1) be a really good thief and don't get caught, or 2) steal something big and pricey so you can retire early and faff around with the piss-ant stuff.

I couldn't help but think of this when I saw BK consistently and blatantly purloining the idea its new bacon sundae -- currently in test markets until it decides to unleash it on the fast-food scene.

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Today is the deadline for filing taxes with the Internal Revenue Service. In hopes of easing the pain, a couple of local eateries -- one high-end, one decidedly low -- are offering Tax Day deals. Just remember to hold on to the receipts!

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Chick-Fil-A, known for its iconic cow billboards and fried chicken patties iconically nestled between biscuits, is sweetening up its dessert menu by offering a new cookie, an updated brownie and several sundaes; it's also bringing back its seasonally available Banana Pudding Milkshake starting today.

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Jack in the Box, home of good curly fries and notoriously bad tacos, is opening a new store today at 2020 South Federal Boulevard. Doors open at 9 a.m. with an inaugural fiesta including giveaways.

This is the second in a series of new, improved Jacks to pop up in the metro area. The California-based chain had left the area altogether a dozen years ago, then started its Colorado comeback several years ago.

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J. Wohletz

Burger King issued a battle cry yesterday. In order to help boost its sluggish sales -- the chain has slipped to third, behind McDonald's and Wendy's -- the company rolled out the heavy artillery: ten new menu items, including specialty salads, chicken snack wraps, smoothies, flavored frozen coffee drinks, some slightly revamped burgers and a chicken-strip reboot. Some of these items sounded suspiciously like what McDonald's started introducing back in 2003. Has BK learned anything in the decade since then? I decided to find out.

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We've all heard how you can't turn a sow's ear into a silk purse, but Arby's would have to do something close to really compete with fast-food rivals like McDonald's, Taco Bell and Subway. To help pull off this miracle, Arby's recently added new CMO Russ Klein (he jumped ship from Burger King in January) and just hired hot-hot Boulder firm Crispin Porter + Bogusky to turn its "Good Mood Food" slogan from catchy alliteration to reality.

Because right now it seems like people are in the mood to eat somewhere, anywhere else. To give Crispin Porter + Bogusky a head start, we're offering, free of charge, our top five things Arby's should do to improve its image. Horsey sauce packets not included.

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Cafe Society last wrote about Tim Tebow when Euclid Hall introduced its bone-marrow "T-boning" Manhattan shot. This time around, the world of food and Tebow collide in very different way.

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Need help proposing? This guy's got your back.

Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and if you're anything like me, that means you're thinking about Pizza Hut's $10 Dinner Box promotion. You say you're not thinking about Pizza Hut's $10 Dinner Box promotion? Well, you should be.

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J. Wohletz

Taco Bell is currently making the same mistake that gets you in trouble playing Risk: dividing your army. Taco Bell undoubtedly owns the late-night fast-food crowd, and it doesn't seem to be hurting at lunch or dinner, either. But thrusting its big burrito into the already crowded breakfast scene is only a good idea if Taco Bell can produce morning eatables that offer customers something different, good and more affordable than they can get at Burger King, McDonald's or Subway.

Well, Taco Bell got the affordable part right, but not so much sexy with the rest. I went, I ordered, I ate...and afterward, I had to rinse out my eat-hole with a glass of stale Evan Williams to get the taste out and dull the pain of my shattered expectations. Here's a photo tour of Taco Bell's new breakfast items. No amount of Fire sauce could make me order any of this again.

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McDonald's proved this week that the road to public relations hell is paved with good intentions -- and hashtags. The company introduced a Twitter hashtag crusade, asking customers to share their happy fee-fees and heartwarmingly poignant stories about dining at McDoo's, but as with most things that start out with the best of intentions -- like organized religion, the GOP and mass-produced orange juice -- this awesome idea turned into an awesome fiasco, and quickly. Twitter-ers shared sordid tales of filthy restaurants and foreign objects in their food -- and Chicken McNuggets were impugned with startling voracity. As a result, the #McDStories hashtag was yanked after two hours, with the company's social media director offering the PR equivalent of "oopsie Mcwhoopsie," but the comments are still going strong.

With this debacle as inspiration, I'm delving into my own cardboard-clamshell box of horrible McDonald's memories--here are my top five: #shouldsueMcDooforpainandsuffering

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