Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and if you're anything like me, that means you're thinking about Pizza Hut's $10 Dinner Box promotion. You say you're not thinking about Pizza Hut's $10 Dinner Box promotion? Well, you should be.
Need help proposing? This guy's got your back.
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Holy Super Bowl! Someone in the football universe obviously takes his deli platter damn seriously, as evidenced by this snap, a dazzling stadium display of cold cuts, crudites, chips and cheese squares.
The super-sized Super Bowl of deli platters.
The origin of the platter, seemingly large enough to feed every tailgater in Indianapolis, is unknown, but whoever designed it didn't miss a tackle, erecting a jaw-dropping wall of triple-decker sandwiches, ham slabs and pepperoni coins surrounding seat sections stockpiled with pretzels, corn chips and miniature blocks of yellow and white cheese -- and a few garnishes thrown in for extra points.
The larger, full-frontal photo is on the following page, along with several more meat-cheese-and-chip stadiums.
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Oh. My. God. It's a freakin' miracle! No, really, now you can have your daily bread with -- holy crap -- Jesus! All while chugging down your morning jolts of java with a side of Lucky Charms. 
This is not a gag gift, people. No, we're talking about a genuine toaster that sears Jesus's image onto your wheat, rye or white, and it's the invention of Galen Dively, an entrepreneurial fellow who lives in Walden, Vermont and hustles customized toasters, including the Jesus toaster, equipped with seven different heat settings and a "convenient clean-out tray." If this is what you'd like Santa to park under your tree this year, they sell for $31.95, including shipping. Lord, have mercy. Interestingly, Dively also pimps a pot toaster and a peace sign toaster.
But it's the Jesus one that really caught our attention, and it caught the attention, too, of one of those creative types, who uploaded a Youtube video, complete with the likeness of George Walker Bush thumping the toaster with his thumb and rapping lyrics like this: "Spread the love of Jesus with your favorite kind of jam, if you're gonna follow him, you can even eat a little ham."
Watch. And pray.
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Surfing through Craigslist ads is always a fun time, and answering them can be pretty entertaining as well. It's neat -- and telling -- to respond to an ad for a used convection oven and get a middle-aged married man looking for sex, respond to an ad for a part-time babysitting gig and get another married guy looking for sex, and respond to another ad for free fill dirt answered by....well, you get the idea.
Found at www.suicidegirls.com
This latest gem of an ad asks for suicide girls (in case you aren't in the know, these are goth-, punk-, indie- and pin-up-style ladies) to apply for jobs, presumably as waitstaff, at a not-yet-opened fetish-themed bar. The ad is sorely lacking in details, but asks interested females to send at least one photograph of themselves, along with their written reason(s) why they feel they are a good fit for the gig.
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'Tis the most wonderful time of the year, Denver. During the stretch of days between Thanksgiving and New Year's, it's totally socially appropriate to stay out too late on a school night, drink too much and show up to work griping about your subsequent hangover. Okay, maybe not totally socially appropriate, but at least a little more forgiven. 
The morning after pretty much sucks, though, especially when you're fighting a hangover at work, so we're particularly excited by a development that will help you play the holiday season like a champion without missing a beat at the office: an FDA-approved hangover pill that just hit the market.
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If what Food & Wine magazine writes is true, then I guess it's high-time to haul my ass to Jus Cookin's, an unabashedly American-as-apple-pie farmhouse-cum-restaurant that's hustled homemade soups, double-decker hamburgers, chicken pot pie, chicken salad sandwiches, chicken-fried steak, chicken Parmesan and fried chicken since 1988, when it opened in Aurora and later relocated to a canary yellow farmhouse in Lakewood.
Sorry, that headline is cruel. In-N-Out Burger, which now has locations in California, Nevada, Dallas-Fort Worth and Utah, is not opening a store in Denver, but if you don't want to drive the 350-plus miles to get your double-double burger fix, you can have it delivered straight to your door in Denver -- or anywhere else in the United States.
Lori Midson
For a price.
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I'll be the first to admit that I've skulked out of a restaurant with my handbag stashed with menus, and, on one occasion, back when I was the restaurant critic at the Rocky Mountain News, a chef -- who's no longer in Denver -- caught me red-handed and went ballistic. Because I waltzed off with a menu. I've pilfered my share of hot sauces, too (apologies to Steuben's), and I once I pocketed a steak knife -- but only because someone else shoved it into my bag.
A Flckr photo Would you steal wallpaper from a restaurant?
Diners are notorious for thievery, skunking past the hostess stand on the way out the door with their pockets and purses stashed with salt-and-pepper shakers, glassware, silverware, tampons and toilet paper (!) and lotions and potions from the bathroom. And then there was the woman who stole the Scope bottle.
But none of those even come remotely close to some of the things that Canlis, a Seattle restaurant that's been in business for sixty years, has had plucked from its quarters.
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People driving by the Capitol building at Broadway and Colfax will notice many things about the Occupy Denver demonstration site, including energetic protesters chanting and waving signs, a Hooverville-style collection of tents and tarps for the 24-7 campers and, right in the middle of this organized chaos, the Thunderdome. This fully-functioning kitchen is run by former restaurant employees volunteering their time for the Occupy Wall Street cause, and the makeshift plywood-and-tarp structure serves hot meals, snacks and drinks to anyone who asks for them, demonstrators or not -- serving between 200 and 400 people a day.
J. Wohletz The Thunderdome kitchen.
The Qdoba at Sixth and Grant has housed Coca-Cola's 100-flavor freestyle soda fountain for three weeks now, but the Terminator of the carbonated world is still creating lines all the way to the door. 
Kelsey Whipple Meet Coca-Cola's freestyle soda fountain: 100 flavors to choose from before you still opt for Dr Pepper.
I stopped by this morning to watch the drink behemoth in action and came away as perplexed and awed as most of the people with whom I stood in line. It's the most interesting soda experience I've had without Mentos, to be sure. But I still have questions.
Will it cause a robot war? And where is Big Red?
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