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Ah… the “Gay Boyfriend.” Where would the modern woman be without her favorite accessory? Take, for example, Grace’s Will (may they rest in peace.). Or Wilhelmina’s Marc. Or, of course, Carrie’s Stanford (That movie comes out in 63 days, by the way. I’m totally taking that day off). I, myself, am one (Hi, Amy).

Throughout history, a straight woman and her Gay Boyfriend have gone hand in well manicured hand. A perfect blend of snarky and sweet, the Gay Boyfriend is usually as cute as the “real” boyfriend and always more fun to go shopping with. He’ll tell you your “rack looks amazing in that top” and it’s not creepy or pervy. He’ll let you know when “your hair is going frizzy in the back” and it’s not insulting. You can spoon all night long and it really is just because “he wants to cuddle.” And most importantly, he’ll listen with an open heart and an open bottle of Absolute until the wee hours of the morning as you cry about lost loves, lost jobs or lost earrings. In short, the Gay Boyfriend is a must have for every woman out there. He goes with everything.

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As you may remember, trusty readers, I recently came upon a mysterious, unsigned letter in the deposit-envelope receptacle of a downtown ATM machine requesting that I draw a picture of my "normal pajamas" and send it back in an included self-addressed stamped envelope. Since, as a rule, I always do exactly what random unsigned letters tell me to do, I followed the instructions -- with a few twists.

After all, this was obviously a sign from the all-knowing Fashion Gods. How could it be a coincidence that a letter inquiring about pajamas fell into the hands of a correspondent for the Cat's Pajamas? The only thing to do with such divine correspondence was to make the response a company-wide affair. So when our secretive pajamas lover opened the mailbox recently, there was a letter waiting including not one, not two, but 18 drawings featuring the normal pajamas of many of Westword's staff:

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Inveterate browsers haunting the scruffy book row on Broadway were left out in the cold when Ichabod's closed, but Fahrenheit's Books has been making things cozy again. This long-time comer at 52 Broadway, a block south of the Mayan, has blossomed from a cramped, barely navigable hole-in-the-wall to a spacious, well-lit emporium impressive in quality, selection and price. The expansion has allowed for decent display space of serious lit and fine editions as well as the city's best collection of vintage paperbacks, including ample mid-century mysteries and sci-fi and a second room stuffed with plenty of history, true crime, and other nonfiction. But recently, alas, the management announced plans to move down the street a few blocks, to a snugger location. That means a half-off sale, going on now — great news for anyone cruising for Boswell in the Modern Library edition or a reasonably priced Frederic Brown ex-library first, but a setback for anyone who just likes periodically escaping the mean street for a well-stocked bookshop. Fortunately, a few others remain, and Fahrenheit promises to rise again.
— Alan Prendergast

A friend of mine forwarded me several pictures like the one shown here claiming that theses skirts are all the current rage in Japan. According to my “source,” the skirts are not really see-through, but designed with these prints on the back to make them appear see-through. As we all know, fashion trends typically are born in Japan or Paris or Italy and take a while to filter down through the fashion capitals of the world and land in “Normalville, USA” so I wasn’t too quick to dismiss this claim as just another urban fashion legend. With a little help from our Editorial Assistant, Ms. Aubrey Shoe, however, it was quickly discovered that the women of Japan have far too much taste to sport a phony fanny. It’s a hoax. Whew.

But what if it hadn’t been a hoax? What if this had been true? If this faux see-through skirt was making its way through Japan right now, how long before we would have seen these virtual asses walking the streets of Denver? And, just because they aren’t a reality right now, maybe these skirts are, in fact, a good idea. I can tell you right now that the air-brushed asses printed on these skirts are far more attractive than a real, live ass I saw walking down Colfax in a drunken stupor just last weekend. Eww.

Plus, think about the self-esteem boost they would offer to millions of people ready to embrace them. And not just women, either. Nope. I’m telling you right now… let some brilliant designer superimpose the image of Matthew McConaughey’s torso onto a T-shirt and I’ll be first in line to buy one. It would certainly beat doing a million crunches, right?

Right. Think about that, Denver.

For more information on the phony fanny skirts, click here.

- Steven J. Burge

This thriftonista is living “La Vie Boheme” as a working actress, here in Denver. Her artistic being is reflected in all aspects of her life, including her fashion sense. Elgin’s low rise black cords and sky blue knit top play peek-a-boo with the black panther tattoo on her hip. To finish the look, Elgin ties a floral scarf in her hair, perhaps a subtle reference to the equally free-spirited flower children 1967. Her look is attention getting and attractive, yet simple enough to allow Elgin’s own, natural beauty to draw your eye. Elgin Kelley has delighted audiences at the Colorado Shakespeare Festival, The Denver Center for the Performing Arts, and the many other fine theatres Denver has to offer. You can catch this Bohemian beauty next in David Mamet’s drama, Oleanna, playing now through April 19th at The Avenue Theatre, located at 417 17th Ave.
Wishing you all peace, love and happiness this weekend!

Directed by Denver favorite, Nicolas Sugar, Oleanna is an intense, engaging drama that pits a college professor against a student who has accused him of sexual misconduct.
For tickets, call The Avenue Theatre at 303.321.5925.

- Steven J. Burge

It takes a little sass and a great set of stems to pull off a pair of ankle boots with anything other than a long skirt or a pair of pants. Retail Sales Rep., Erin, knows exactly what she’s doing, though, by keeping her skirt a couple inches above the knee, and wearing vertically stripped tights to accentuate her long legs. This look allows Erin to remain sexy and modest all at the same time. Though women with more shapely calves might feel less comfortable showing this much leg, when worn with your favorite pair of jeans or a long skirt, a pair of ankle boots can be the perfect shoes for anyone wanting to show a little bit of footwear flare.

Shades from: Urban Outfitters
Jacket from: Billabong
Tights & Skirt from: Express
Boots from: True Love
Labradorite Necklace from: Pandora’s Box

-- Steven J. Burge

Yup. It’s true. Sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words, huh?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I suddenly feel some pressure to go do about a bazillion crunches.

-- Steven J. Burge

Here begins the saga of the pajamas letter.

One evening several weeks ago, I stopped by the Wells Fargo branch at 17th Avenue and Broadway to deposit the considerable amount of money I regularly make as a gainfully employed writer. Unfortunately, the deposit-envelope receptacle next to the machine appeared to be empty. Desperate to start earning a 0.15 percent interest rate on my money as soon as possible – that shit builds up, you know – I reached deep into the slot, hoping to find an errant deposit envelope crammed near the bottom. I didn’t find what I was looking for, but I did pull up this:

“How unusual!” I thought. “Could someone have mistaken the ATM for a mailbox?” Possibly there was money inside or, better yet, drugs. Maybe this was a special ATM where people could deposit and earn interest on their drugs! I wondered who the letter was for – until I flipped it over.

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Move over, Brangelina! Peace, out, Zac and Vanessa!

Denver’s got its own version of the Entertainment Power Couple in the form of this delicious duo now appearing in Conundrum Production’s Contrived Ending. Jamie Ann Romero stars alongside her real-life love interest, Matt Mueller, in this Breakfast Club-inspired coming-of-age story by Denver playwright, Josh Hartwell. (They’re so cute, I just wanna bash their heads in.) The only problem is, Denver stages pay just a little bit less than major Hollywood studios. No matter. With help of a few trendy little, thrifty spots, Matt and Jamie are able to look like the up and coming A-listers they are until their big budget ship comes in.

“Forever 21 is my best friend,” says Romero. “I mean, it’s not like their clothes are going to last for years, or anything. But they’re cute now. Right?”

Right! And who wants to be wearing the same thing next year, anyway? Fashion trends, like Hollywood love affairs, seem to come and go rather quickly. But I’m sure Denver love affairs are more like diamonds or argyle. They’ll last forever. So no worries, you crazy kids. No worries.

On Him:
Pants: Levi’s 511 Skinny
Tie: Calvin Klein
Corduroy Jacket: Heritage 1981 (Brother Store to Forever 21)
Smouldering Glare: Inspired by Details magazine

On Her:
Skirt: Gap
Blouse: Forever 21
Necklace: A one-of-a-kind creation made by Jamie Ann, herself. (Crafty little thing, isn’t she?)
Million Watt Smile: Genetic Jackpot

Contrived Ending ends its run at the Buntport Theatre this Saturday, March 15th. For last chance tickets, call 303-601-2640.

- Steven J. Burge

This year, Converse celebrates its hundredth anniversary -- and it's launching the Century footwear collection to commemorate the occasion. There is plenty to celebrate, too, since Converse shoes have been a staple in the wardrobes of fashion icons from James Dean to Kurt Cobain.

Converse first appeared on my style radar in high school, when its Chuck Taylor All Stars made the perfect complement to my Manic Panic dyed purple hair. The Ramones rocked them famously with their leather coats and ripped jeans, and I did the same.

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Every day Westword receptionist Steve Burge gives you the fashionable view from the front desk.

Remember Joan Collins’ portrayal of Dynasty’s villainess, Alexis Carrington Colby?
I don’t. I wasn’t allowed to watch it as a child. But I have since seen some reruns and she’s fabulous. And what makes her so fabulous? Lots of things, really, but one that comes to mind, immediately, is her big, 80’s hair.

Our office do-it-all, Christina, channels any number of the vampy/campy, 80’s prime time soap queens with her “just rolled out of (your) bed” do.

Now, there are many, many fashion disasters that came from that decade (i.e. – shoulder pads, French-rolled, stonewashed “mom” jeans, scrunchies and t-top Trans Ams), but big hair rocked then and it rocks now. I’m certainly not promoting “mall bangs,” of course, and I admit that not every woman can pull off this daring, retro style, but those who can should. Larger than life, power hair symbolizes the larger than life, power woman.

So do it. Break out the teasing combs and Aqua Net and join the ranks of Joan Collins, Linda Gray, Jaclyn Smith, Victoria Principal and, of course, our very own drama queen, Christina.
Bring back big hair!

And maybe slap bracelets, too. Those were pretty “rad,” if I remember correctly.

- Steven J. Burge

On the all-important neighborhood catwalk, that Bugaboo stroller-wear is so 2007. To up your little one’s luxe factor, it’s best to drape him in this season’s hottest look: the Yummsie, crafted by maestro Ray Young Chu of the fashion-forward Denver art collective the Yummies.

Here’s an effortlessly chic example from the collection:

With its bold name-dropping and playful slogan (“Art and Peanut Butter,”) framed by softly constructed Bermuda-blue cotton, this dreamy onesie lets your baby declare, “I’m fashion-forward, and I don’t even know how to use a toilet yet.”

Why name it a Yummsie? Chu offers his inspiration. “Obviously it’s kind a fun play on the name Yummies and it’s a onesie. Onesie plus Yummies is Yummsie.” Clever and creative – this one’s a keeper!

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Every day Westword receptionist Steve Burge gives you the fashionable view from the front desk.

Poor Drew. Like many of us, Mr. Bixby, our “Drunk of the Week” writer, has not yet adjusted to Daylight Saving Time. Here we see him sleeping under his desk, another victim of what I consider to be a ridiculous annual occurrence.

Did you know that Arizona just pretends Daylight Saving Time doesn’t happen? Yeah.
To me, that seems ridiculous. I mean, how does an entire state just say, "Suck it, conventions of Daylight Saving Time! We won't adhere to you. We'll just make up our own rules. In fact, we won’t even commit to a time zone. How ‘bout that? Why should people in the rest of the world know when it is 'too late' to call here, anyway? It's no one else's business but our own. So there, rest of the world!”

Realistically speaking, if Arizona does not adhere to the conventions of Daylight Saving Time the way the rest of us do, then how much of an hourly difference from us are they actually experiencing? Fundamentally speaking, I mean. Seriously. How has this refusal to adhere affected them? Indeed, how has it affected the space/time continuum in general? Hours turn into days turn into weeks turn into months turn into years turn into decades, etc. right? So by screwing with one hour a year... no, wait... two hours a year if they neither "Spring ahead" nor "Fall back..." since the beginning of time (or at least, Daylight Saving Time) they very well may be operating in an entirely different year right now. Arizona might literally be the future of America.

And speaking of years… Leap Year is another weirdo-o thing about our calendar, isn’t it?
Are we really allowed to say, “Oops. Our calendar is weird. We must’ve counted wrong. I have an idea. Let’s just add an extra day every fourth year. Problem solved.”

Did you know that the Mayans created a calendar that did not require a leap year? I read that somewhere. I also read that the Mayan calendar ends at the year 2012, and you know what? That brings me to another point. If, in fact, the Mayans’ prediction that the world will end in the year 2012 according to their calendar is correct, how long do we have left? Should we be scared that their calendar ends at 2012? I think so. Because the Mayans predicted lots of stuff that came to be. What if we only have two weeks to live? I, for one, would quit my job if that’s the case. We don’t know, though. We have no idea what time it really is, do we?

Especially if you consider Arizona.

You know what? Fine. If those people can just make up their own timetable, then I can, too.

From this day forward, I refuse to be held accountable for my arrival and departure times. No matter what time I roll into work in the mornings, I'm going to call it 8 a.m. When I'm ready to leave, I'm going call it 5 p.m. Maybe even 6 p.m. so I can get a little overtime. And if someone has a problem with it, I will refer them to the people of Arizona, whoever made up the "Leap Yea," and any descendents of the Mayan people that I can find. Obviously, no one is on the same page anyway, right? Right.

But that’s not the point. The point is, Drew is asleep under his desk. (He’s such an angel when he’s sleeping, isn’t he?) And I call this look “The Unfortunate Side Effects of Daylight Saving Time.” Surely, there must be many people sporting this latest trend.

Now if you’ll excuse, I’m going to wake Drew up, take him to a bar, demand $2 top-shelf vodka and call it Happy Hour. I defy someone to challenge me.

- Steven J. Burge

Just in time for St. Patrick’s Day, Curious Theatre brings us a show by Martin McDonagh, the dark mastermind who wrote the recently released film In Bruges starring Colin Farrell. In his gruesome black comedy, The Lieutenant of Inishmore, McDonagh explores the life of a ruthless Irish Liberation Army Enforcer who was deemed “too mad” to be accepted into the Irish Republican Army. (Sounds hilarious so far, huh?) The show opens this Saturday, March 8, and will offer a pre-show “Taste o’ the Irish Party.”

Dress Code? Irish Gangster, of course.

As you can see from this publicity shot, the Irish Gangster is a deceptively simple look to pull off. Start out with a pair of distressed blue jeans, roll a pack of cigs into the sleeve of a plain, white t-shirt and throw on a pair of black army boots. Easy, right? But wait. There’s more.
What sets the Irish Gangster’s look apart from your all-American tough guy is his incorporation of specific accessories -- namely, a small arsenal of assorted firearms and other weapons hanging from various holsters. This broguey rouge, Mr. Gene Gillete, star of the Curious’ production, also shows off his character’s softer side by carrying with him a cute and cuddly black kitty cat named Wee Thomas. It just makes him more approachable, don’cha think? Well, the cat and his set of movie-star quality cheekbones, I suppose. Purrr, indeed, Wee Thomas. Purrr, indeed.

Opening Night: Saturday, March 8.
Irish booze, Irish food, Irish music. Dress Code: Irish Gangster.
7:00pm: Party in Mamie's (back room of Curious- 1080 Acoma in Denver)
8:00pm: Opening Night of THE LIEUTENANT OF INISHMORE followed by a Gaelic good time!

Call 303-623-0524 for tickets.

- Steven J. Burge

I've felt a little jerked around by Project Runway this season. This mostly has to do with how they've treated dear Chris, whose fashion sense has not always wowed me, but I still just love the guy. I mean, have you caught a glimpse of his portfolio -- the guy's all decked out in Princess Leia and Wonder Woman drag, for god's sake! You can check out photos of his fierce looks here.

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