The hipsters of Monolith

Categories: Fashion Crimes

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Plenty of people had a fashion statement to make at last weekend's Monolith festival. Don't believe me? Check out the slide show and vote for your favorite hipster. Nothing like watching all the hipsters trying to out hip each other.

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Monolith

This shop has a captive audience

Categories: Fashion Crimes

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It’s not easy to shop at my favorite store. It has no website, and takes no credit cards. It’s also almost 900 miles away – in Deer Lodge, Montana, which just happens to be home to the Montana State Prison.

And that’s where the contents of this store come from. The entire inventory of the Montana State Prison Hobby Store consists of things made by inmates – everything from beaded earrings to crocheted crosses to toy cars constructed from pop cans to elaborate horsehair items ranging from ponytail holders to intricate bridles, a particular speciality of this prison (the more involved horsehair pieces are the work of inmates with time to spare – maybe a lifetime).


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These Crocs were made for walking...if nothing more.

Categories: Fashion Crimes

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Colorado is all over this week's New Yorker, which not only has a piece on Denver, but this diss on Crocs in the opening graph of "Sole Sisters":

Boys have cars, girls have shoes -- nineteen pairs, on average, according to a Consumer Reports poll. And so: I'll take a hedge funds' worth of Manolo Blahnik stilettos, and you can have one Rolls-Royce. Or a litter of Roger Vivier kitten heels for me, one Lamborghini for you. A colosseum of Dolce & Gabana gladiator sandals for me, and a Ferrari for you. Or how about I take a country club full of Tod's loafers,and you can have a Range Rover? Me, a mall of UGGs; you, one Volvo wagon. Me, a tribe of Masai BarefootTechnology sandals; you, one Toyota Prius. Me, a swamp of Crocs; you, one VW Bug. Actually, you can keep the Crocs. I'll call a cab.

Ironically, this week in Denver, the author would have been better off with the Crocs than calling a cab. Outside of downtown, it was almost impossible to get a taxi (one fellow staying at my house gave up an hour after the promised cab failed to materialize), and even in LoDo, where cabs were cruising, the competition for them was cutthroat. My solution? I stashed a pair of Crocs sandals in my purse, so I was ready when walking was the only way to get there. -- Patricia Calhoun


Fashionable anarchists create "Defend Denver" T-shirt for the DNC

Categories: Fashion Crimes
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You've got to fight for your right to wear cool protest shirts.

A few local anarchists who are helping to coordinate planned disruptions of the Democratic National Convention have been raising funds by selling off these spiffy “Defend Denver” T-shirts.

I picked one up myself after being approached by the designer at a recent protest meeting. I wore it around the next day and received more inquiries about where I got it than any T-shirt I’ve ever owned.


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WTF Project Runway?!?

Categories: Fashion Crimes

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Words cannot even begin to describe my disappointment last night when Kenley won the challenge. Look at that dress! Just look at it! I bet when you first saw the photo you might have guessed that it was the ultimate loser of the night, but no, it was actually the dress that Heidi and Co. deemed the BEST. Yikes!

The way that her one hip is made to look huge and fat because of all that voluminous, hideous tulle is just too much. And I can't have been the only one who was shocked when the judges went over their top three picks -- I thought they were all some of the worst looks to walk to the runway.

What about Kelli's funky black number? Or Jerell's green, slinky stunner? Even Suede (who continues to annoy everyone by referring to himself in the third person) managed a rather beautiful shirt dress. Well, you know, beautiful for a shirt dress isn't really saying much, but still...

I sure hope the judges' bad taste will improve next week, because while we all love watching the hideous outfits get made, no one wants them to actually win a challenge. Geez.

To see all of last night's looks and rate the runway for yourself, click here.

-- Aubrey Shoe

Crocs and the Crushed Toe Look

Categories: Fashion Crimes

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Just in time for the summer rush, Crocs is going to start warning customers about the dangers of riding an escalator while wearing their flimsy, colorful plastic footwear. Avid readers will recall that we issued an appropriately Cassandra-like alert on gruesome Croc-related escalator accidents more than a year ago.

Crocs plans to tag its ungainly boat shoes with an advisement about avoiding situations in which "shoe entrapment can occur." Presumably this will help small children from getting mangled by dangling their crayon-colored shoesies too close to the sides of the conveyance.

Now if only the company would issue a similar warning to wide-eyed investors who've been taking a tumble on their Crocs stock.

–Alan Prendergast

Saved By The Bra

Categories: Fashion Crimes

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Coloradans sure are getting inventive with their undergarments this summer. First, we had the Thong Bandits who wore women's thongs over their faces in an attempt to conceal their identity during a robbery in Arvada. Then there was the priest caught jogging naked in Greeley who seemed to spur a copy-cat jogger who wore only a thong in Lincoln, Nebraska.

Until now, however, women have stayed out of the creative undergarment capers. Jessica Bruinsma, 24, of Colorado Springs has changed all of that. Last Thursday, June 19, Bruinsma was rescued after a fall in the Bavarian Alps thanks to quick thinking and a very helpful white sports bra.

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Douchebags on Display

Categories: Fashion Crimes

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It's an experience most every guy can relate to -- spotting an absolutely stunning girl hanging off the arm of, well, a complete and utter douchebag. You know the type: overly gelled hair, fugly tattoos, spray-on Cheeto-hued tan, ridiculous bling hanging everywhere... Well, one man has made the study of this phenomena -- and hopefully, someday, its eradication -- his life's work. At www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com he's gathered dozens of photos of hot chicks hanging on the arms of 'bags, and illuminated them with caustic, spot-on commentary.

And now, he's taken it one step further, with the impending publication of Hot Chicks With Douchebags, the book. By gathering his best photos together with insightful study of the fashion crimes against humanity perpetuated by this breed, the first steps have been taken to a world free of douchedom. We hope. -- Cory Casciato


Fashion or Driving: The Teen Dilemma

Categories: Fashion Crimes

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This just in: America’s teenagers are not using their own money to pay off debt. Well, I, for one, never would have guessed. Maybe that’s surprising to The Allstate Foundation and Junior Achievement, who compiled a survey on teen spending habits, but to everyone with a kid under the age of 18 it’s just one of those hard, cruel facts of life: if you decide to procreate, better make sure your pockets are big enough for two.

The two groups, who have conducted this survey nine times, reported that 10.4 percent of teenagers now use credit cards, as opposed to last year’s 8.5 percent. The real shocker, apparently, is that gas tops the list of the items kids buy with their plastic, pushing clothes to a shameful second place. The survey discovered that 70 percent of teens buy gas on credit, jumping almost 20 percent from 2007. OPEC must be so proud.

Of course, to everyone out there who remembers that we’re mired in a slow economy and a war in the Middle East, is it really all that startling? "No," says Nicole Alley of The Allstate Foundation, “given skyrocketing gas prices, it isn’t surprising. It says a lot when a t-shirt or a pair of sunglasses is the same amount as two gallons of gas.”

Naturally, we know who gets to shell out to cover all this gas. Parents are taking care of 13 percent of credit card bills. Of course, this absolutely begs the question, whose dumb idea was it to get a 13-year-old a credit card with unlimited spending in the first place? If you know the answer to that, you’re probably already paying off about $400 worth of lip gloss and Hannah Montana tickets. To head off such purchases, Alley recommends, “[Have] frank, candid discussions about money and [try] to set a good example.”

Nonetheless, if The Allstate Foundation and Junior Achievement actually want to see teenagers take responsibility for their financial security, there’s really only one solution: a time machine set to 25 years in the future. Nothing like 3 kids, a broken water heater, and a second mortgage to make a chronic spender shape up.

--Maddie Wolberg

That Thong Th Thong Thong Thong

Categories: Fashion Crimes

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Call the fashion police. Wearing thong underwear is now officially a crime. When you wear it on your face, anyway. Last week, we detailed the capers of the Arvada "Thong Bandits" in this blog, and only two days later the Denver Post reported that one of the men had been identified.

Joseph R. Espinoza, 24, turned himself in and is believed to be the man who wore the blue thong over his face during the robbery of a Diamond Shamrock. The man who wore the green thong has yet to be found, but they believe it to be Joaquin Rico, 19.

- Aubrey Shoe

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