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Preston Peerman continues to hunt for Senator Larry Craig in the bathrooms at DIA. Here's his latest report:

Damn! Wrong on all accounts. Budget Rent-a-Car desk clerk on bathroom break. -- Preston Peerman

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North Carolina

Total Number of Delegates: 134
Pledged: 115
Unpledged: 19

How to Recognize a North Carolina Delegate:
Ahh, the Land of the Sky — such a lovely state, full of beautiful people who are impossible to understand. The only reason that John Edwards is not the 2008 Democratic National Convention nominee is because of the way he talks. No wonder Tar Heels get so momicked, they do so love to chew the fat! You might could say that they'll be the youngerns down to the convention who are fixin' to engage all y'all in some conversations but are frustrated that no one can undertstand them. They do speak the English language, interspersed with these common expressions: "Jeet yet?" means "Are you hungry?"; "Imonna star, yonta drink?" means "I'm going to the store. What flavor of Coke (orange, Sprite, Pepsi, etc.) would you like?" Although a seemingly courteous phrase, be wary of the ever-present passive-aggressive "Well, bless your/his/her heart," as it is usually followed by an insulting folksy wisecrack such as "But your hats done got your hair all goobered up" or "Too bad about your/his/her face." Both males and females wear brightly colored sweatsuit ensembles made by Winston-Salem-based Champion Sportswear. Be careful not to compliment delegates’ outfits by saying "How nice!," because that's the expressions North Carolinians use to say "Fuck you!"

Famous North Carolinians:
First American-born Anglo baby Virginia Dare; journalists Edward R. Murrow, David Brinkley, Charles Kuralt and Howard Cosell; storytellers Thomas Wolfe and Tom Robbins; cartoonist Nick Galifianakis; musicians Thelonious Monk, Roberta Flack, Doc Watson, John Coltrane, Funkadelic George Clinton, Tori Amos, Loudon Wainwright III, Ben Folds, Jo-Jo Hailey, Ryan Adams and all Archers of Loaf bandmembers; actors Andy Griffith, Pam Grier (Foxy Brown), Jaime Pressly (My Name Is Earl), Michael C. Hall (Dexter) and scream queen Mary Elizabeth Winstead; funnymen Zach Galifianakis and Gallagher.

Famous North Carolina Democrats:
Fourth first lady of the United States and snack-cake inventor Dolley
Madison; eleventh president of the United States James K. Polk; seventeenth president of the United States Andrew Johnson; Chairman of the Senate Watergate Committee Sam Ervin; 22nd White House chief of staff Erskine B. Bowles; first openly gay U.S. Senate candidate Jim Neal.

Famous North Carolinians With Denver Connections:
Nineteenth governor of Colorado Elias M. Ammons; Littleton forefather and street namesake Joseph W. Bowles; Colorado Open Lands board of directors member Russell B. Caldwell; Colorado Rockies minor-league coach Stu Cole; Hit & Run banjo player Andy Thorn.

State Nickname: The Tarheel State, The Turpentine State, The Old North State, Land of the Sky (official); The Mash the Button State, The Fertilizer State, Land of the Second-Hand Smoke (unofficial)
Population: 9,061,032
Racial Distribution: 68% white, 22% black, 1% Native American, 2% Asian, 7% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $28,235
Unemployment: 7%

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Should Denver be hosting the Republican National Convention, too?

Assuming the Democrats can get their collective act together and actually nominate someone for the presidency, John McCain’s looking for a blue boost. Beyond the impending delegate-deadlock and superdelegate fiasco, another ominous sign for the Dems has appeared on the horizon. A recent Gallup poll, conducted with daily tracking from March 7-22, suggests that whoever emerges on top the donkey pile may be gifting voters to McCain. Because 19 percent of Democrats supporting Obama said they would vote for McCain over Hillary if Hillary was the nominee. Fully 28 percent of Democrats supporting Hillary said they would vote for McCain over Obama if Obama was the nominee.

So should McCain make a stopover in Denver next August to collect his cadre of vengeful voters?

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Preston Peerman just checked in with his latest investigation of DIA's restrooms, and his ongoing search for Larry Craig:

Location: DIA men's restroom across from the shoe-shine stand in the B concourse (just as you come up the escalator from the train). Due to the fact that I arrived two hours early for my flight, I had an ample amount of time to select a prime stall for potential "Larry viewing."

No other activity to report. ~ Preston Peerman

Presumptive GOP nominee John McCain will make a Mile High stopover on Thursday, visiting the Denver Athletic Club for a meet and greet with his Colorado Finance Committee.

“Finance Committee” means “rich and/or powerful donors,” and “his” committee means “Romney and Giuliani’s.” It’s an old truism that Democrats fall in love with a candidate while Republicans fall in line, and no case is cut clearer than McCain’s hodgepodge, vagabond Colorado GOP contingent.

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Criticizing Glenn Beck is an unsatisfying thing.

Part of the reason for this is that it's so easy. After all, the guy is, like Limbaugh and Hannity before him, utterly untrained for what he's come to do. Rush was a sales rep; Sean was in construction; Glenn Beck was a Top-40 DJ. Three of the loudest voices for the new conservatism, all of whom discovered that making purposefully crude and obnoxious things was a quick way to the top of the right-wing talk-radio heap.

And what a heap it is.

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Tracy Morgan, of all people, finished it.

It, of course, being the political controversy surrounding Saturday Night Live's supposed support of Hillary Clinton. At least we can hope so, after a long round of puffed-up news surrounding the late-night institution and its supposedly sincere political soapboxery. We're years into an unnecessary war, the dollar's in the tank, people are losing their homes all over the place, and FOX News is still referred to as "news". And we have to spend time objecting to SNL?

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New York

Total Number of Delegates: 282
Pledged: 232
Unpledged: 50

How to Recognize a New York Delegate:
After arguing about food and their governor's taste in call girls, New Yorkers spend a lot of time arguing about the personality split that divides upstate from downstate. The constant bickering and knocking of heads has even caused new governor David Paterson to call the state legislature the "least deliberative and most dysfunctional in the nation"! Well, after watching decades of New York-based television shows, from Facts of Life to Sex and the City, every other American is painfully aware of every personality trait of every character type of every Empire State resident. We know that downstaters live in deluxe apartments in the sky, that hot dogs make them lose control, and that for upstaters, the world never seems to be livin' up to their dreams. And we also know that downstaters dress like they live in London and wear a lot of black, while upstaters dress like they live in Wisconsin and wear a lot of plaid and gingham. Otherwise, they all act just alike! To spot a New Yorker, look for someone who is arguing. They love to argue, not because they are always right, but because everyone else is always wrong. About everything. All of the time. They are the original multi-taskers and will be the delegates who are trying to "hail cabs" and "get some service over here" while telling all within earshot about how much better everything is back in New York. They will also be the most curious delegates in Denver and won't be shy to ask questions. Their most frequent queries will be, "Where's the manager?" and "Do you expect me to eat this?"

Famous New Yorkers:
Artists Norman Rockwell and Rockwell Kent; writers Herman Melville, Edith Wharton, Henry James, Ogden Nash, Norman Mailer and David Sedaris; actors Humphrey Bogart, James Caan, Billy Crudup, Tom Cruise, Claire Danes, Kirk Douglas, Jane Fonda, Ricki Lake, Ethel Merman, Martin Scorsese, Oliver Stone, Christopher Walken and Denzel Washington; comedians Woody Allen, Lucille Ball, Mel Brooks, George Burns, George Carlin, Fran Drescher, Chris Elliott, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Chico Marx, Groucho Marx, Harpo Marx, Paul Reubens, Adam Sandler, Amy Sedaris, Jerry Seinfeld and Jon Stewart; musicians Christina Aguilera, Pat Benatar, Mary J. Blige, Mariah Carey, Aaron Copland, George Gershwin, Kim Gordon, Billy Joel, Cyndi Lauper, Jennifer Lopez, Laura Nyro, Joey Ramone, Lou Reed and Barbra Streisand; rappers 50 Cent, Big Daddy Kane, Busta Rhymes, De La Soul, Ja Rule, Jay-Z, LL Cool J, Mos Def, Notorious B.I.G. and Tupac; industry titans John D. Rockefeller and Donald Trump.

Famous New York Democrats:
32nd president of the United States Franklin Delano Roosevelt; senators Aaron Burr, Robert F. Kennedy, Daniel Patrick Moynihan, Chuck Schumer and Hillary Rodham Clinton; representatives William Randolph Hearst, Joseph Pulitzer, Nita Lowey, Nydia Velasquez and Charles Rangel; first legally blind African-American governor David Paterson; former governor and newly disgraced emperor Eliot Spitzer.

Famous New Yorkers With Denver Connections:
Seventeenth vice president of the United States Schuyler Colfax; Colorado's first senators, Henry M. Teller and Jerome B. Chaffee; banker and railroad builder David Moffat; Colorado photographer William Henry Jackson; future 2nd District congresswoman Joan Fitz-Gerald; Quiznos founder James Lambatos; Qwest inside trader Joe Nacchio; News2 morning anchor Tom Green; News4 weatherman Ed Greene; 9News sports nerd Drew Soicher; Denver Nuggets small forward Carmelo Anthony; Common Era clotheshorse Debra Mazur.

State Nickname: The Empire State, The Knickerbocker State (official);
The Bickerknocker State, Da Gawdfadda State, Chock Full O' Nuts
(unofficial).
Population: 19,306,183
Racial Distribution: 59% white, 17% black, 1% Native American, 7%
Asian, 16% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $36,574
Unemployment: 6.3%

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Ever since the Idaho Statesman revealed that Senator Larry Craig had made the moves on a fellow Idaho politico at Denver International Airport, our Mr. seX, Preston Peerman, has been keeping his eyes open on his frequent trips out of DIA. Here's his latest report:

LOCATION: Main Concourse at DIA: I heard a "shuffle" that was of concern. Turns out to be a false alarm, as this gentleman suffers from Restless Leg Disorder. Hopefully he can ask his doctor what prescription options are available..

Over and out.