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Vermont

Total Number of Delegates: 23
Pledged: 15
Unpledged: 8

How to Recognize a Vermont Delegate:
Vermont has a reputation as a haven for hippies and trust-funders, but loaded wannabes are only fooling themselves if they think they
can be a Green Mountaineer simply by relocating and becoming a hobby farm-uh. True Vermonters are more rare than a warm welcome in a Northeast Kingdom ski town. But don't call these independent individuals unfriendly: They’re just too busy fighting off McMansions and Wal-Marts to befriend idiot transplants in search of a fictitious Utopia. Life in Vermont has always been about hard work (well, at least from 5 a.m. until breakfast). Vermonters are the Americans to call when cows need to be milked, equal rights defended, wars won and mountains moved. They are the selfless servants who keep their noses to the grindstone in order to accomplish the miracles that others take credit for. They'd rather make a better world than muck around in other people's bullshit, damn ya! Of course, that kind of attitude means they don't spend a lot of time glad-handing, and will stick out at the Democratic Convention like social sore thumbs. Mostly, they’ll keep to themselves until provoked, and then they’ll talk too loudly and laugh at the wrong parts of a conversation. While their arms flail, their eyes will dart wildly in search of the exits. Remember the “Dean Scream”? Aiyah, ’nuff said! Vermonters will be the delegates who are all dolled up in their dress dungarees, handmade sweaters and rubberized loafers. Males will wear plaid wool hats with the earflaps down and have a tendency to slowly drift toward the dooryard. Females will settle comfortably into any situation, then take out their knitting and get to work on the pieces they need to sell (in craft co-ops from Bennington to Burlington) to pay for the winter's heating oil.

Famous Vermonters:
21st United States president Chester A. Arthur; 30th United States president Calvin Coolidge; original apostles of the Mormon Church Joseph Smith, Brigham Young and Heber C. Kimball; Seventh-Day Adventist Church founder Rachel Oakes Preston; Panama Canal engineer Lindon Wallace Bates; Spanish-American War hero Admiral George Dewey; tractor-happy John Deere; dental laughing-gas pioneer Gardner Quincy Colton; rodeo jeans inventor Harry David Lee; Alcoholics Anonymous founders Bob Smith and Bill W.; land-mine-banning Nobel Prize winner Jody Williams; master painter William Morris Hunt; pioneer snowflake photographer Wilson Bentley; “American Elf” cartoonist James Kolchaka; indie-art sensation Miranda July; entertainer Rudy Vallee; Weather Channel beefcake Jim Cantore; singer-songwriter JoJo (full name: Joanna Noelle Blagden Levesque); skiers Andrea Mead-Lawrence, Suzy "Chapstick" Chaffee and the Cochran family; snowboarder Ross Powers.

Famous Vermont Democrats:
77th governor Madeleine M. Kunin; 79th governor and current Democratic National Committee chairman Howard Dean; senior United States senator Patrick Leahy; United States representative Peter Welch; state House Speaker Gaye Symington; Senate Majority Leader John F. Campbell; Assistant Majority Leader Claire Ayer.

Famous Vermonters With Denver Connections:
Colorado silver king Horace W. Tabor; gangland bunko-artist organizer Lou "The Fixer" Blonger; eighth lieutenant governor David H. Nichols; bon vivant and city builder Barbara Mcfarlane; renaissance man Gregory Ego; University of Denver skiing coach David Stewart.

State Nickname: The Green Mountain State (official); Gateway to Montreal, Little Canada, Brrrmont, Vermonster Island (unofficial)
Population: 623,908
Racial Distribution: 97% white, 1% black, 1% Asian, 1% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $30,740
Unemployment: 5.6%

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Let’s get this clear up front: This is not some sort of liberal swift-boating. The fact that John McCain’s Vietcong jailer has backhandedly endorsed him for president isn’t -- or shouldn’t be, anyway -- anything more than one of those weird political stories.

McCain spent over five years as a POW in Hanoi’s Hoa Lo prison, and no matter what difference of opinion you might have with him over American politics or who should be the next leader of the free world, you have to agree that being a POW for that long -- or a POW at all -- pretty much sucks.

So this recent story is literal insult to injury.

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Since the Dems' national convention is bound to be a highly scripted affair, it's probably a good thing that indy filmmakers are getting busy now, cranking out five-minute shorts for Cinemocracy.org, a joint project of the Denver 2008 Host Committee, the Denver Film Society and the city's Office of Cultural Affairs. The top 25 videos submitted dealing with the question "How do you define democracy?" get a public screening during the DNC -- a reminder, maybe, of how democracy is supposed to work (versus how things really go down on the convention floor).

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Laura Kriho got her wish. The longtime local activist has spent the last several months putting together a website, www.comeuptodenver.com, that serves as a clearinghouse for political- action information connected to the Democratic National Convention coming to town August 25-28. And as the soundrtrack for the anticipated action, as detailed here, Kriho got permission from Graham Nash to rewrite his song "Chicago," written a few years after the 1968 Democratic National Convention in that city.

Kriho planned to hand out fliers touting her site, and the song, outside the Wells Fargo Theatre on June 26 -- the night Crosby, Stills & Nash played there to an ecstatic crowd of young fans, socialites (stilettos at a rock concert!) and aging yuppies/hippies. And although I didn't spot her there, I can verify that another Kriho wish came true: The group sang Kriho's version of "Chicago," titled "Come Up to Denver" -- after first dedicating it to Governor Bill Ritter, who was sitting up front. All together now: "We can change the world/Rearrange the world..." -- Patricia Calhoun

It's rapidly becoming apparent that when Mayor John Hickenlooper said he wanted to "make this the greenest convention in the history of the planet," he wasn't talking about the kind of green that comes with pictures of dead presidents.

While fundraising for the upcoming Democratic National Convention lags, the press releases touting new, environmentally friendly initiatives -- green Xerox machines -- keep flying. Electronically, of course. The city's greening efforts even rated a front-page
storyin the Wall Street Journal yesterday, headlined: "The Greenest Show on Earth: Democrats Gear Up for Denver."

The task is daunting -- and sometimes ludicrous. It isn't easy to find biogradable balloons -- and forget organic fanny packs. (Actually, shouldn't we forget fanny packs -- soundly savaged in this Kenny Be cartoon -- altogether? After all, this isn't the 1980 convention....)

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Here’s a sure sign that the Democratic National Convention is less than ten weeks away: local crazy John Madden has updated his sign!

Westword first wrote about the relentless political sign-flier in 2005. Three months after the presidential election and five years since Bill Clinton had been president, the then-63-year-old was still spending his days standing at busy intersections around town with large signs proclaiming, "Kerry Stabbed Our Troops," "Clinton Raped Juanita," and "Kerry Throws Like a Girl."

Years passed and Madden continued his “intellectual” skewering of bygone liberal presidential contenders, cheered on only by the tortured voices in his head (which probably take the form of Bill O’Reilly and Ann Coulter singing show tunes, poor guy.)

So it is with great fanfare that we announce that, early this morning, Madden was spotted at Speer and Federal with a sign proclaiming, “Obama is a commie.”

If you don’t get a change to see Madden’s new phrasing before the DNC, it’s okay. He’ll probably continue using it until 2012. – Jared Jacang Maher

DNC protest group Tent State University, standing in for the larger protest amalgam Alliance for Real Democracy, has been granted permits to host a series of large concerts in City Park from August 24-28.

Parks and Recreation planners expect as many as 20,000 participants will be drawn to the free performances that, as of now, includes the Flobots, the Coup, Blue Scholars, Jessie Dayton and MC5’s Wayne Kramer. Other large acts could also be slipped into the line-up, says Adam Jung of Tent State, but may not receive pre-announced billing because of contractual conditions that prevent the musicians from promoting pro-bono events. Jung says that the crowds could be even more than the city anticipates, pegging his estimate at 50,000.

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So John McCain’s website has a new game you can play and/or embed in your Facebook profile called Pork Invaders, which you can sample below.

Yes, I know it sounds like porn. No, I’m not sure they realize that.

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In a June 24 article by former Denver Post religion writer Eric Gorski, who's currently writing (and kicking ass) for the Associated Press, Focus on the Family spokesman Tom Minnery said that an aide for Barack Obama recently suggested a sit-down at the evangelical organization's Colorado Springs HQ. Doubt something like that will happen now. In a June 24 broadcast that was leaked to the AP in advance, Focus frontman James Dobson suggests that in some of his remarks, Obama "is dragging Biblical understanding through the gutter."

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Utah

Total Number of Delegates: 29
Pledged: 23
Unpledged: 6

How to Recognize a Utah Delegate:
Based on national news stories, most Americans would think it was easier to get a second wife than a second drink while visiting Utah — as if residents of the Beehive State were a bunch of polygamists who repressed recreational refreshment to maximize their reproduction abilities. That's ancient history. Utah liquor laws have been somewhat relaxed since the 2002 Salt Lake Winter Olympics, and polygamists are rarely seen outside of the Costco in St. George. Forget weird and wacky: The news about Utahns is their steadfast willingness to assist a stranger. It still may be the last place in America to get a full-strength beer after 10 p.m., but it’s the first place for courteous emergency roadside service. Getting a flat tire in Utah is like winning the karma lottery. Within minutes, thirty cars will stop to offer help. While assisting strangers with a smile, Utahns will break down tasks along gender lines, putting males in charge of car repairs while the females set up tables and whip up a quick snack from bags and boxes of recently purchased Costco groceries. Mormons on a mission, or not, Utahns win followers through friendliness and favors. Utah delegates in Denver will be the ones wielding their winning ways with the other state's delegates. They are the door-holders, the reservation-makers and the sign-painters. They will dress in crisply pressed casual dress pants topped with button-down long-sleeved shirts that are embroidered with vaguely familiar but unplaceable Utah-based corporate names like Novell, Xmission, iBAHN and Altiris. Conversely, their hair will be wash-and-wear. Females will wear easy and adorable choppy-layered cuts, while males will wear side-parted short cuts and sport full mustaches that accentuate the sparkle in their eyes.

Famous Utahns:
Hotel founder J. Willard Marriott; hearing aid inventor Harvey Fletcher; television inventor Philo Farnsworth; Gore-Tex inventor Bill Gore; leadership scold and productivity-tool publisher Stephen Covey; Atari and Chuck E. Cheese founder Nolan Bushnell; machine gun and semi-automatic handgun inventor John Browning; ninth and seventeenth National Security Advisor Brent Scowcroft; bank robber Butch Cassidy; film director Hal Ashby; actors Wilford Brimley, James Woods and Patrick Fugit; porn star Jaime Bergman and squirt star Cytherea; Playmate Charlotte Stokely; Internet "fratirist" Maddox; pop-rock acts the Used and SHeDAISY; sibling pop group the Osmonds; Dancing With the Stars siblings Derek and Juliann Hough, sibling athletes Andre and Kevin Tyson; basketballer Devin Brown; footballers Steve Young and Merlin Olsen.

Famous Utah Democrats:
Sixth governor (and grandfather of Bruce, great-grandfather of Laura) George Dern; twelfth governor (father of Scott Junior and Jim) Scott Matheson; former U.S. attorney Scott Matheson Jr.; United States Representative Jim Matheson; former Salt Lake City mayor Rocky Anderson; attorney general candidate Jean Welch-Hill; community activist Luz Robles.

Famous Utahns With Denver Connections:
Jack Kerouac On the Road inspiration Neal Cassady; sitcom actress and comedy club headliner Roseanne Barr; two-term Colorado Higher Education commissioner Marshall Crawford; Western artist Nathan Solano; polygamist Warren Jeff's brother Seth Jeffs.

State Nickname: The Beehive State, Deseret, the Salt Lake State (official); Land of the Mormons, Land of the Saints, Land of Multiple Mothers, Plural Wife Paradise (unofficial)
Population: 2,550,063
Racial Distribution: 85% white, 1% black, 1% Native American, 2% Asian, 11% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $24,977
Unemployment: 6.3%

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Given all the “yee haw!” that’s gone on in the White House since Texan George W. Bush took office in the year 2000, a roundup seems quite appropriate, and Rik Clay of 20/08 Productions in Boulder, is organizing just that.

The Great Marble Round-Up is a call to action for the generous return of what Clay believes are President Bush’s lost marbles. To participate, people can mail marbles to the White House using first-class mail on July 1, so that they will arrive together for the ease and convenience of retrieval by their rightful owner on July 4-6.

The goal of this “great humanitarian event” is to put Bush “in a state fit to go about his own affairs when he no longer resides at the White House,” according to Clay’s website, MissingPresident.com. The loser (of the marbles) will no doubt be thrilled at their reappearance and forever indebted to all participants.

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John McCain ends his new commercial with the following words: Reform. Prosperity. Peace.

Wow.

The images are a transparent play for the vote of environmentalists, and one has to give the guy (or at least his publicity team) credit for hitting the right buzzwords. But this is one of those cases in which the reality doesn’t match up with the language. While McCain did split with the White House over the reduction of carbon emissions, he’s been rightly criticized for missing important votes on alternative energies -- ironically, some of the very technologies (wind and solar, specifically) that are spotlighted in this new ad.

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The Mayor’s office has announced which groups have been granted slots to utilize the designated parade route during the week of the Democratic National Convention. In May, the ACLU filed a lawsuit against the city for failing to assign what path demonstrators would be able to march through downtown and how close protester would be able to get near the Pepsi Center.

But that case was essentially nullified last week when the city consigned a 50,000 square foot parking lot behind the stadium as the official “demonstration zone,” as well as a certified a path for marchers that begins at the capitol and travels toward the Pepsi Center on Speer Boulevard. Still undetermined is the ending blocks the parade route will take after Larimer Street. These details will be finalized in the coming weeks, says the Mayor’s office.

Thus far six groups, shown after the jump, have applied and been granted parade slots from August 25 to August 28. Tent State University, a former cohort of Recreate 68, can now be seen as representative of the recently formed coalition Alliance for Real Democracy. Parades will only be allowed between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. Several slots are still available and will be filled on a first-come, first-served basis. Parade anyone? – Jared Jacang Maher

UPDATE: The ACLU's Mark Silverstein points out that "nullified" isn't the correct way to describe the current status of the lawsuit since the city's designation of the route and demonstration zone was only part one of his group's legal contentions. The second is "information about restrictions on First Amendment activity." Litigation could still take place on whether the terminus of the parade route will bring participants "within sight and sound" of delegates entering the Pepsi Center and the nature of the public viewing area. He also says that a parade permit request to march to the Federal Courthouse was denied, an issue that could be argued in the second phase of the suit.

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Democrats have made many mistakes over the years, as this slide show by Joe Horton makes clear.

In fact, they've made too many to include in a single slide show. So here, a couple of honorable mentions:

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Karen Brooks of the Dallas Morning News certainly isn't the first person to take umbrage with Westword cartoonist Kenny Be's point of view, especially his Delegating Denver , an online series devoted to profiling the 56 state and territory delegations.

But in this case, Brooks wasn't insulted because Kenny was mean; she was insulted because he wasn't mean enough!

In an "open letter to Westword writers" (which was nice but not necessary, since Delegating Denver is all Kenny), posted in the paper's political blog, she writes:

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