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Pennsylvania

Total Number of Delegates: 187
Pledged: 158
Unpledged: 29

How to Recognize a Pennsylvania Delegate:
No state in the union suffers from poor self-esteem issues more than Pennsylvania. Quaker Staters have played pivotal roles in the history of religious freedom, civil rights and labor laws, and they have every right to be proud of their declarations of independence and their cracked liberty bells. Yet it is Pennsylvania residents who have given the state's two largest cities the nicknames of Filthadelphia and Shittsburgh, and they call the space in between them Pigsylvania. And it's not just the pot-holed roads and the slate-gray skies that make them so moody; it's the food. Pennsylvania is the snack-food capital of America. Besides being the home of Hershey's Chocolate, the state ranks as the nation's leading producer of potato chips. Pennsylvanians make enough potato chips in a year to ruin 80 million diets. It is also home to cheesesteaks, that damn cream cheese everyone loves, Tastykakes, marshmallow peeps and all the Heinz ketchup and relish needed for the mass consumption of hot dogs. This doesn't mean that Pennsylvania delegates will be obese. They get exercise by scraping the ice off their car windows in winter and running from muggers all year long. They're just a "cuppla tree" pounds overweight, so females will wear Studio 1940 Flyaway Layered dresses from Bensalem-based Fashion Bug, and male delegates will wear the Savane Total Comfort No-iron pleated twill pants over Consensus Button-down Chambray Shirts from York-based Bon-Ton Department Stores.

Famous Pennsylvanians:
American pioneer Daniel Boone; civil rights pioneer Bayard Rustin; journalists Ed Bradley and Michelle Malkin; actors Nancy Kulp, Will Smith, Tina Fey, Sharon Stone, Richard Gere, Seth Green, Bill Cosby, Grace Kelly and Cheri Oteri; artists Thomas Eakins, Maxfield Parrish, Andrew Wyeth, Andy Warhol, Keith Haring and Robert Crumb; writers Louisa May Alcott, Rita Mae Brown, Rachel Carson, Gertrude Stein and John Updike; musicians Ethyl Waters, Dean Martin, George Benson, Joan Jett, Teddy Prendergrass, Todd Rundgren, Robert Mothersbaugh and Trent Reznor; musical acts Boys II Men, CKY, the Dead Milkmen, Hall & Oates, the Julianna Theory and Ween; golfer Arnold Palmer; Republicans Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul.

Famous Pennsylvania Democrats:
15th president of the United States James Buchanan; 45th governor Ed Rendell; junior United States senator Bob Casey Jr.; U.S. representatives John Murtha, Chaka Fattah, Allyson Schwartz and Patrick Murphy.

Famous Pennsylvanians With Denver Connections:
LoDo street namesake William Larimer Jr.; State Capitol architect Elijah E. Myers; legendary Denver mayors Richard Sopris and Robert W. Speer; wannabe legendary mayor John W. Hickenlooper; wannabe state governor Marc Holtzman; Broadmoor founder Spencer Penrose; Centennial author James A. Michener; Broncos wide receiver Ed McCaffrey; Nuggets head coach George Karl; CBS4 News special projects correspondent Molly Hughes; Castle Rock municipal judge Lou Gersh.

State Nickname: The Keystone State, The Quaker State, The Steel State (official); The Steal State, Shoofly Pieland, Snacker's Paradise (unofficial)
Population: 12,440,621
Racial Distribution: 83% white, 11% black, 2% Asian, 4% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $32,044
Unemployment: 6.3%

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Oregon

Total Number of Delegates: 65
Pledged: 52
Unpledged: 13

How to Recognize an Oregon Delegate:
Perhaps Oregonians have made assisted suicide legal in hopes that California transplants will consider it a viable option after their first nine months of living in near-constant rain and complaint. That's because Oregon is a beautiful landscape populated by slackers. Since the opening of the Oregon Trail, the state has always been considered the bright-new-beginning destination of choice for the disgruntled ne'er-do-wells of American mythology. It's the kind of place that is especially attractive to people who are big on dreams and short on details (and cash). To add insult to injury, people have always flocked here faster than job growth, which leaves Oregon with a consistently high unemployment rate. It also explains why the Beaver State ranks high in early retirees, strip clubs, microbreweries, and Ph.D.s who wait tables. For hard-core slackers, dream-busting advances from a lifestyle adaptation to a political agenda. Bitter Oregonians have a tendency to mock all those who stand in the way of their dreams. Consequently, their look will put all the delegates from other states to shame. Females will look sharp but sensible in Portland-based Columbia Sportswear's Heavenly Gauze Multi-Print Skirt and Omni-Dri UPF-50 long-sleeved shirt. Males will wear the Workweek-to-Weekend Tetherow Butte Pants and Grindstone Ridge Shirts. All will sport Beaverton-based Nike athletic shoes by day and Nike subsidiary Cole Haan dress shoes by night.

Famous Oregonians:
Disney Studio's Donald Duck creator Carl Banks; voice actor (for Bozo the Clown and Disney's Goofy) Pinto Colvig; Oscar-winning claymation director Will Vinton; Simpsons creator Matt Groening; Erector Set toy inventor Alfred Carlton Gilbert; juvenile writer Beverly Cleary; Nike founders Bill Bowerman and Phil Knight; figure skater turned pro wrestler Tonya Harding; ESPN sportscaster Neil Everett; All in the Family co-star Sally Struthers; WKRP in Cincinnati star Howard Hesseman; Sleater-Kinney singer Corin Tucker; Dandy Warhollers Courtney Taylor-Taylor and Brent "Fathead" De Boer; mother of all anarchists Marie Equi; father of Burning Man Larry Harvey; father of gastronomy James Beard; perpetual Green Party V.P. candidate Winona LaDuke.

Famous Oregon Democrats:
Former United States senator Maurine Brown Neuberger; current United States senior senator Ron Wyden; 6th United States Secretary of Transportation and (disgraced) 33rd governor Neil Goldschmidt; 35th governor John Kitzhaber; 36th governor Ted Kulongoski.

Famous Oregonians With Denver Connections:
Former United States representative Pat Schroeder; University of Denver director of jazz Malcolm Lynn Baker; Clyfford Still Museum architect Brad Cloepfil: Littleton Public School computer lab teacher Sonja Lahana; Boulder photographer and electrical engineering Ph.D. candidate Charles Dietlein.

State Nickname: The Beaver State, The Hard-Case State, Pacific Wonderland (official); Poor-again, Pour-again, Unspecific Wanderland (unofficial).
Population: 3,700,758
Racial Distribution: 83% white, 2% black, 1% Native American, 4% Asian, 10% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $29,340
Unemployment: 9%

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Oklahoma

Total Number of Delegates: 48
Pledged: 38
Unpledged: 10

How to Recognize an Oklahoma Delegate:
Ninety-eight percent of Oklahoma's religious adherents claim to be Christian, and the vast majority of these residents identify as Evangelical Protestants. This puts Oklahoma securely in the Bible Belt. But despite the state's culture and politics being heavenly influenced by Jesus, Oral Roberts University and Billy James Hargis Ministries, Oklahoma can't claim to be the "Buckle" of the Bible Belt; it’s more like the other end of the belt, the one with all the holes. No, Sooners aren't hypocrites; they’re big believers. However, they see right through the passages of famine and plague and believe that heaven on Earth can only be had through a lifelong practice of doing good deeds, laughing and listening to high-grade rock and roll. Oklahomans are famous the world over for their love of music and good times, and their ability to show the rest of America that one is indeed the other. Oklahomans in Denver will be the delegates who shine with goodness and smile while they dance. Females will be attractive and comfortably dressed in light-blue and tan loose-fitting fashions. They are not the least bit lazy, but prefer to shout from where they're sitting rather than get up to engage in small talk. Male Sooners all dress in cords or ironed blue jeans (typically Levi's) topped with T-shirts that they picked up while traveling around the country following jam bands.

Famous Oklahomans:
Humorist Will Rogers; cartoonist and Pee-wee's Playhouse set designer Gary Panter; comedians Ron Howard, Blake Edwards, Tony Randall, Gary Busey, Rue McClanahan, Dan Rowan, Megan Mullally, Mary Kay Place and Bill Hader; laughable (Dr.) Phil McGraw and Chuck Norris; grandfatherly gasbag Paul Harvey; Pussy Patrol leader Jesse Jane; wisdom-seeker Bill Moyers; celebrity spouse Brad Pitt; musicians Woody Guthrie, Wanda Jackson, Chet Baker, Patti Page, Leon Russell, Reba McEntire, Garth Brooks and Toby Keith; rock bands the Gap Band, Kings of Leon, Flaming Lips, the All-American Rejects and Starlight Mints.

Famous Oklahoma Democrats:
First U.S. female United Nations ambassador Jeane Kirkpatrick (until 1985, when her infatuation with Ronald Reagan led her into the arms of the G.O.P.); United States senator from New York Daniel Patrick Moynihan; 21st governor and former United States senator David Boren; current United States senator (and son of David) Dan Boren.

Famous Oklahomans With Denver Connections:
Renowned Colorado Springs photographer Myron Wood; unremarkable Colorado Springs representative Joel Hefley; 10th Circuit Judge Robert H. Henry; Native American bank CEO J.D. Colbert; architect Carol Coover-Clark; Denver Post reporter Miles Moffeit; ListenUp director of marketing Phil Murray; design diva Kat Allen; dentist to the (regional) stars Steven K. Zervas.

State Nickname: The Sooner State, Boomer Paradise, Oklahoma is OK (official); Okrahoma, Jokelahoma, Mobilehoma, Yokelhoma (unofficial).
Population: 3,579,212
Racial Distribution: 75% white, 8% black, 8% Native American, 2% Asian, 7% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $27,212
Unemployment: 5.4%

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Ohio

Total Number of Delegates: 162
Pledged: 141
Unpledged: 21

How to Recognize an Ohio Delegate:
If the state of Connecticut married the state of Kentucky, their baby would be the state of Ohio. Like no other Americans, Ohioans combine the cold-hearted industriousness of the New England Yankee with the rock-headed stubbornness of the Appalachian hillbilly. These traits make Buckeyes the best employees in the nation, as long as they can tell their bosses how to run their businesses. And Ohioans mean business. If measured as a nation, the Ohio GDP would be the seventeenth-largest in the world. But while proud of their work ethic, Ohioans don't flaunt their earnings. The state is home to both Abercrombie & Fitch and Macy's, but Buckeyes secretly prefer to shop for fashion basics at Columbus-based Big Lots! and DSW. However, for the Democratic Convention in Denver, Ohio delegates will be wearing solid-color sportswear purchased from Filene's Basement in trend-less styles that can be worn for the next twenty years. Female delegates who live north of I-70 will choose styles befitting a mid-ranking Communist Party undersecretary in somber tones of navy, olive or brown. Females who live south of I-70 will wear slightly dressier styles in brighter shades of red, purple and beige, accessorized with a gold cross on a chain. Male Buckeyes always wear gray pants paired with shirts emblazoned with the logos of the football team that plays in the stadium nearest to their home.

Famous Ohioans:
Airplaners Orville and Wilbur Wright; astronauts Neil Armstrong and Judith Resnick; artists Jim Flora, Jenny Holzer and Maya Lin; broadcasters Ted Turner and Hugh Downs; cartoonists Harvey Pekar and Derf; writers Sherwood Anderson, Toni Morrison, Erma Bombeck and Zane Grey; actors Paul Newman, Sarah Jessica Parker, Fred Willard, Katie Holmes, Paul Lynde, Anne Heche, Luke Perry, Molly Shannon and Woody Harrelson; musicians Dean Martin, Bootsy Collins, Chrissy Hynde, Dave Grohl, Marilyn Manson, Kim and Kelley Deal; feminist Gloria Steinem; celebrealist Carmen Electra.

Famous Ohio Democrats:
2008 presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich; former United States senator Howard Metzenbaum; former United States senator and first American to orbit the Earth John Glenn; 6th United States Secretary of Health and Human Services Donna Shalala; former United States representative indicted for bribery and racketeering James Traficant (projected release date: September 2, 2009); former Cinncinnati mayor and TV host Jerry Springer; Alison's Soul Sista of the Year representative Stephanie Tubbs Jones.

Famous Ohioans With Denver Connections:
Territorial governor and highest state peak namesake Samuel Elbert;Rocky Mountain News founder William Byers; City of Greeley founder Nathan Meeker; Dearfield founder Oliver Toussaint Jackson; Four Mile House founders Samuel and Jonas Bratner; Springs pottery founder Artus Van Briggle; artist Vance Kirkland; Lodo Red House builder Frederick R. Mayer; Colorado Ballet instructor/choreographer Danielle Sunseri; regressive Republican Bob Schaffer; former tiny Nugget Earl Boykins; former Denver Broncos place kicker Rich Karlis; former Denver Bronco and current News4 sports anchor Reggie Rivers; storm chaser Tony Laubach.

State Nickname: The Buckeye State, Birthplace of Aviation, The Mother of Modern Presidents (official); The Bucktooth State, Birthplace of Modern Mothers, Conntucky (unofficial).
Population: 11,478,006
Racial Distribution: 84% white, 12% black, 1.5% Asian, 2.5% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $30,129
Unemployment: 6.1%

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North Dakota

Total Number of Delegates: 21
Pledged: 13
Unpledged: 8

How to Recognize a North Dakota Delegate:
After the original building burned to the ground on December 28, 1930, North Dakota’s new state capitol was designed to soar to nineteen stories and contain enough office space to accommodate growth for years to come. Since that time, the population of the state has actually decreased, yet state government has expanded beyond the nineteen floors and into four additional state buildings and rented offices throughout Bismarck. Fewer citizens means more government. But North Dakota is filled with such contradictions. For example, the state is home to the International Peace Garden, but the park is surrounded by 150 Minuteman nuclear-missile silos. And the state's two United States senators and governor are all members of the Democratic Non-Partisan League Party, which was actually founded by Republican farmers as a means to end the abuses of corporate middlemen. So to find a North Dakotan at the 2008 Democratic Convention, just look for the walking contradictions among fellow delegates. Look for females wearing "Fighting Sioux" hockey jerseys laden with pins and ribbons that call for an end to the war and a Free Tibet. Male NoDaks will be dressed as if they are going camping or rebuilding a transmission but will be talking about their favorite episodes of the last five seasons of America's Next Top Model.

Famous North Dakotans:
Lewis and Clark Corps of Discovery pathfinder Sacagawea; Western writer Louis L'Amour; journalists Eric Sevareid and Jodie Rave Lee; bluesman Jonny Lang; country crooner Lynn Anderson; champagne music-maker Lawrence Welk; Pop artist James Rosenquist; 23rd United States House of Representatives Majority Leader Dick Armey; 40th North Dakota governor and current United States Secretary of Agriculture Edward Thomas Schafer; father of Edward Thomas Schafer and Mr. Bubble® bath soap inventor Harold Schafer; America's Next Top Models Nicole Linkletter and CariDee English.

Famous North Dakota Democrats:
63rd United States Secretary of State Warren Christopher; 10th governor and 24th Treasurer of the United States John Burke; 19th governor Thomas H. Moodie, who was removed from office after five weeks for non-compliance of residency requirements; senators Quentin Burdick, Kent Conrad and Byron Dorgan.

Famous North Dakotans With Denver Connections:
Renegade art-museum mooch Clyfford Still; Boulder printmaker Bud Shark;
Even Hitler Had a Girlfriend filmmaker Ronnie Cramer.

State Nickname: The Peace Garden State, The Roughrider State, The Flickertail State (official); NoDak, Dakistan, Windiapolis, North Dakotasota, Margo's Forehead (unofficial).
Population: 635,867
Racial Distribution: 91% white, 1% black, 5% Native American, 1% Asian,
2% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $33,034
Unemployment: 2%

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North Carolina

Total Number of Delegates: 134
Pledged: 115
Unpledged: 19

How to Recognize a North Carolina Delegate:
Ahh, the Land of the Sky — such a lovely state, full of beautiful people who are impossible to understand. The only reason that John Edwards is not the 2008 Democratic National Convention nominee is because of the way he talks. No wonder Tar Heels get so momicked, they do so love to chew the fat! You might could say that they'll be the youngerns down to the convention who are fixin' to engage all y'all in some conversations but are frustrated that no one can undertstand them. They do speak the English language, interspersed with these common expressions: "Jeet yet?" means "Are you hungry?"; "Imonna star, yonta drink?" means "I'm going to the store. What flavor of Coke (orange, Sprite, Pepsi, etc.) would you like?" Although a seemingly courteous phrase, be wary of the ever-present passive-aggressive "Well, bless your/his/her heart," as it is usually followed by an insulting folksy wisecrack such as "But your hats done got your hair all goobered up" or "Too bad about your/his/her face." Both males and females wear brightly colored sweatsuit ensembles made by Winston-Salem-based Champion Sportswear. Be careful not to compliment delegates’ outfits by saying "How nice!," because that's the expressions North Carolinians use to say "Fuck you!"

Famous North Carolinians:
First American-born Anglo baby Virginia Dare; journalists Edward R. Murrow, David Brinkley, Charles Kuralt and Howard Cosell; storytellers Thomas Wolfe and Tom Robbins; cartoonist Nick Galifianakis; musicians Thelonious Monk, Roberta Flack, Doc Watson, John Coltrane, Funkadelic George Clinton, Tori Amos, Loudon Wainwright III, Ben Folds, Jo-Jo Hailey, Ryan Adams and all Archers of Loaf bandmembers; actors Andy Griffith, Pam Grier (Foxy Brown), Jaime Pressly (My Name Is Earl), Michael C. Hall (Dexter) and scream queen Mary Elizabeth Winstead; funnymen Zach Galifianakis and Gallagher.

Famous North Carolina Democrats:
Fourth first lady of the United States and snack-cake inventor Dolley
Madison; eleventh president of the United States James K. Polk; seventeenth president of the United States Andrew Johnson; Chairman of the Senate Watergate Committee Sam Ervin; 22nd White House chief of staff Erskine B. Bowles; first openly gay U.S. Senate candidate Jim Neal.

Famous North Carolinians With Denver Connections:
Nineteenth governor of Colorado Elias M. Ammons; Littleton forefather and street namesake Joseph W. Bowles; Colorado Open Lands board of directors member Russell B. Caldwell; Colorado Rockies minor-league coach Stu Cole; Hit & Run banjo player Andy Thorn.

State Nickname: The Tarheel State, The Turpentine State, The Old North State, Land of the Sky (official); The Mash the Button State, The Fertilizer State, Land of the Second-Hand Smoke (unofficial)
Population: 9,061,032
Racial Distribution: 68% white, 22% black, 1% Native American, 2% Asian, 7% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $28,235
Unemployment: 7%

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New York

Total Number of Delegates: 282
Pledged: 232
Unpledged: 50

How to Recognize a New York Delegate:
After arguing about food and their governor's taste in call girls, New Yorkers spend a lot of time arguing about the personality split that divides upstate from downstate. The constant bickering and knocking of heads has even caused new governor David Paterson to call the state legislature the "least deliberative and most dysfunctional in the nation"! Well, after watching decades of New York-based television shows, from Facts of Life to Sex and the City, every other American is painfully aware of every personality trait of every character type of every Empire State resident. We know that downstaters live in deluxe apartments in the sky, that hot dogs make them lose control, and that for upstaters, the world never seems to be livin' up to their dreams. And we also know that downstaters dress like they live in London and wear a lot of black, while upstaters dress like they live in Wisconsin and wear a lot of plaid and gingham. Otherwise, they all act just alike! To spot a New Yorker, look for someone who is arguing. They love to argue, not because they are always right, but because everyone else is always wrong. About everything. All of the time. They are the original multi-taskers and will be the delegates who are trying to "hail cabs" and "get some service over here" while telling all within earshot about how much better everything is back in New York. They will also be the most curious delegates in Denver and won't be shy to ask questions. Their most frequent queries will be, "Where's the manager?" and "Do you expect me to eat this?"

Famous New Yorkers:
Artists Norman Rockwell and Rockwell Kent; writers Herman Melville, Edith Wharton, Henry James, Ogden Nash, Norman Mailer and David Sedaris; actors Humphrey Bogart, James Caan, Billy Crudup, Tom Cruise, Claire Danes, Kirk Douglas, Jane Fonda, Ricki Lake, Ethel Merman, Martin Scorsese, Oliver Stone, Christopher Walken and Denzel Washington; comedians Woody Allen, Lucille Ball, Mel Brooks, George Burns, George Carlin, Fran Drescher, Chris Elliott, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Chico Marx, Groucho Marx, Harpo Marx, Paul Reubens, Adam Sandler, Amy Sedaris, Jerry Seinfeld and Jon Stewart; musicians Christina Aguilera, Pat Benatar, Mary J. Blige, Mariah Carey, Aaron Copland, George Gershwin, Kim Gordon, Billy Joel, Cyndi Lauper, Jennifer Lopez, Laura Nyro, Joey Ramone, Lou Reed and Barbra Streisand; rappers 50 Cent, Big Daddy Kane, Busta Rhymes, De La Soul, Ja Rule, Jay-Z, LL Cool J, Mos Def, Notorious B.I.G. and Tupac; industry titans John D. Rockefeller and Donald Trump.

Famous New York Democrats:
32nd president of the United States Franklin Delano Roosevelt; senators Aaron Burr, Robert F. Kennedy, Daniel Patrick Moynihan, Chuck Schumer and Hillary Rodham Clinton; representatives William Randolph Hearst, Joseph Pulitzer, Nita Lowey, Nydia Velasquez and Charles Rangel; first legally blind African-American governor David Paterson; former governor and newly disgraced emperor Eliot Spitzer.

Famous New Yorkers With Denver Connections:
Seventeenth vice president of the United States Schuyler Colfax; Colorado's first senators, Henry M. Teller and Jerome B. Chaffee; banker and railroad builder David Moffat; Colorado photographer William Henry Jackson; future 2nd District congresswoman Joan Fitz-Gerald; Quiznos founder James Lambatos; Qwest inside trader Joe Nacchio; News2 morning anchor Tom Green; News4 weatherman Ed Greene; 9News sports nerd Drew Soicher; Denver Nuggets small forward Carmelo Anthony; Common Era clotheshorse Debra Mazur.

State Nickname: The Empire State, The Knickerbocker State (official);
The Bickerknocker State, Da Gawdfadda State, Chock Full O' Nuts
(unofficial).
Population: 19,306,183
Racial Distribution: 59% white, 17% black, 1% Native American, 7%
Asian, 16% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $36,574
Unemployment: 6.3%

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New Mexico

Total Number of Delegates: 38
Pledged: 26
Unpledged: 12

How to Recognize a New Mexico Delegate:
If Hawaii is the state that is the most like a foreign country, then New Mexico is the state that is most like another planet. It is an established fact that a trip to a grocery store in Española served as the inspiration for the Mos Eisley Cantina in Star Wars: Episode IV. In many ways, the state of New Mexico is the original roadhouse where aliens from new and ancient cultures have converged to misinterpret and exploit one another's delusions in their search for bliss. Why do you think it's called the Land of Enchantment? From the ghostly Seven Cities of Cibola to Governor Bill Richardson's telepathic two-second handshakes, New Mexicans have a rich history of spinning myth into supernatural optimism, and they dress the part. They will easily be the most colorful of all the delegates in Denver. Females will wear brightly colored clothes in a bounty of mismatched patterned fabrics, all held together with a complicated truss-work of sashes. New Mexican males love the color purple, in striped or plaid shirts, tucked into a pair of well-worn Levi's. Both sexes wear their hair in bangs and are laden with jewelry. But the chunky necklaces, belts and earrings are far more than just ornaments: New Mexicans use the silver and turquoise to pick up extraterrestrial transmissions from new and ancient cultures.

Famous New Mexicans:
Apache chief Victorio; hotelier Conrad Hilton; San Ildefonso Pueblo potter Maria Martinez; painter Peter Hurd; animators William Hanna and Mike Judge; writer Rudolfo Anaya; cowboy poet Baxter Black; journalist Linda Wertheimer; actors Demi Moore, Neil Patrick Harris and Adrian Grenier; LPGA favorite Nancy Lopez; 2008 Grammy winner Robert Mirabal; Beirut (band) singer-songwriter Zach Condon, the Shins (band).

Famous New Mexico Democrats:
Most senior junior senator in the United States Senate Jeff Bingaman; 30th governor and 2008 presidential candidate Bill Richardson, 3rd District U.S. Representative (and cousin of Colorado congressman Mark Udall) Tom Udall.

Famous New Mexicans With Denver Connections:
Uncompahgre Ute leader Chief Ouray; quantum mechanics pioneer and director of the University of Colorado UFO Project Edward Condon; Sculptured House architect Charles Deaton; Aspen songbird John Denver; United States District Court Judge John L. Kane.

State Nickname: The Land of Enchantment, The Cactus State, The Spanish State (official); The English as a Second Language State, The "Red or Green?" State, (unofficial).
Population: 1,954,599
Racial Distribution: 42% white, 3% black, 1% Asian, 10% Native American, 44% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $25,541
Unemployment: 7.4%

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New Jersey

Total Number of Delegates: 127
Pledged: 107
Unpledged: 20

How to Recognize a New Jersey Delegate:
New Jersey is the only state in the union to have started out as a turnpike. It was built in 1776 by an organized-crime syndicate to take advantage of the British and American troops commuting between battles in "The City" (New Jerseyan name for New York City) and "Philly" (New Jerseyan name for Philadelphia). After the American Revolution, the teeming masses used the turnpike to flee the two crowded cities to build suburb after suburb until they eventually created the endless sprawl that has become America's most densely populated state. Since then, the Board of Chosen Freeholders has divided the state into such a confusing patchwork of boroughs, villages and townships that present-day residents just refer to turnpike exit numbers when referring to where they live. This is also the key to identifying the New Jersey delegate. South Jerseyans, who live below exit 8A, will be more mild-mannered, yet show clench-jawed disdain for North Jerseyans and New Yorkers by calling them "shoobies." They wear Philadelphia Eagles apparel at all times. North Jerseyans wear fake-designer-label clothing over spray-on tans and sport rather time-consuming hairstyles that need constant checking in front of mirrors and other reflective surfaces.

Famous New Jerseyans:
Supreme Court justices William J. Brennan Jr. and Samuel Alito; writers Allen Ginsberg and Philip Roth; cartoonist Charles Addams; actors Meryl Streep, John Travolta and Jason Biggs; TV personalities Zach Braff, Patrick Warburton, Jason Alexander and Martha Stewart; funnywoman Janeane Garofalo; funnyman Jerry Lewis; unfunnymen Kevin Smith and Jason Mewews; chanteuses Sarah Vaughn, Whitney Houston and Lauryn Hill; crooner Frank Sinatra; rockers Bruce Springsteen, Jon Bon Jovi and Pete Yorn; My Chemical Romancers Gerard and Mikey Way; rappers Queen Latifah and Redman; b-ballers Dennis Rodman and Shaquille O'Neal.

Famous New Jersey Democrats:
22nd and 24th president of the United States Grover Cleveland; 49th governor and former congressman Jim Florio; 52nd (and America's first and only openly gay) governor Jim McGreevey.

Famous New Jerseyans With Denver Connections:
Disrespected explorer Zebulon M. Pike; Front Range photographer Robert Adams, CBS News4 general manager Walt DeHaven; CBS News4 reporters Paul Day and Cathy Walsh; 9News weatherboy Ashton Altieri; CW2 sports reporter Zubin Mehenti; former Princeton and current University of Denver basketball head coach Joe Scott; Denver Nugget J.R. Smith; Aurora rapper D.O. the Fabulous Drifter.

State Nickname: The Garden State, The Clam State (official); The Clam-up State, The Drive-thru State, The Armpit of America, The State You Love to Hate (unofficial).
Population: 8,724,560
Racial Distribution: 61% white, 16% black, 7% Asian, 16% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $40,427
Unemployment: 6.3%

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New Hampshire

Total Number of Delegates: 30
Pledged: 22
Unpledged: 8

How to Recognize a New Hampshire Delegate:
“Live Free or Die” is the motto that New Hampshirites use to project their image of fierce independence. In truth, it briefly explains the state's tax code, which exempts residents from paying any sales or income taxes and is also a reminder of the state's only social program available to the needy. The tax-free, if-you-make-it-you-can-keep-it fiscal policy attracts businesses, suburban sprawl and stingy relocators from Massachusetts and New York, who are tired of the rat race of community-building. It also helps to keep the Granite State's funding of public schools at rock-bottom levels! While the state struggles under a Supreme Court order to find a way to "adequately" fund a "reasonable" education for poor students, there's still no mandatory kindergarten, and nearly 50 percent of the state's students test below proficient in math. It doesn't add up. But it has been good for the snowmobiling/motorcycle racing/speedboat business, even though the casual observer would think that all personal income was being spent in tattoo parlors and gun shops. Subsequently, New Hampshirites will stand out as the convention delegates who are the slowest at counting change. This will give them plenty of time to grumble about the "mile high" taxes and tips. Granite State females prefer Gramicci tunics and pants purchased from Peterbourough-based Eastern Mountain Sports, while males will wear the "big check" plaid shirts and denim jeans with pull-out coin pockets from Amherst-based Timberland.

Famous New Hampshirites:
Christian Science Church founder Mary Baker Eddy; Antebellum statesman Daniel Webster; Tupperware inventor Earl Silas Tupper; McDonald's hamburger brothers Dick and Mac McDonald; first American in outer space Alan Bartlett Shepard; Pussy Galore and Blues Explosion frontman Jon Spencer; Black Sabbath's Ozzy Osbourne replacement member Ronnie James Dio; Queers vocalist Joe Queer; folksinger Ray LaMontagne; novelist John Irving; Da Vinci Code cracker Dan Brown; comediennes Laura and Sarah Silverman; alpine ski champion Bode Miller.

Famous New Hampshire Democrats:
Signatory to the Declaration of Independence (the real) Josiah Bartlett; 14th United States president Franklin Pierce; first female to be elected to the position and 88th governor Jeanne Shaheen; (the unreal) Granite State guv and U.S. president Josiah Bartlett as played by Martin Sheen on the TV show The West Wing.

Famous New Hampshirites With Colorado Connections:
Longs Peak namesake Stephen Harriman Long; town of Gunnison surveyor John Williams Gunnison; city of Greeley namesake Horace Greeley; city of Littleton founder Richard Sullivan Little; Denver councilwoman Sue Casey; artist and gallery owner Paul Hughes; Ca¢heFlowe sound sculptor Justin Gitlin; University of Denver hockey defenseman Andrew "The Bow" Thomas.

State Nickname: The Granite State, The White Mountain State, The Switzerland of America (official); New Connecticut, A Cluster of Archie Bunkers, Arkansas With Snow (unofficial)
Population: 1,314,895
Racial Distribution: 95% white, 1% black, 2% Asian, 2% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $34,702
Unemployment: 4.3%

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Nevada

Total Number of Delegates: 33
Pledged: 25
Unpledged: 8

How to Recognize a Nevada Delegate:
Nevadans like to claim that their state was named for the Spanish word that means "covered in snow." This, of course, seems deliberately misleading to anyone who has visited Las Vegas during the summer (which starts in February and runs through December). In Spanish, the word nevada can also be translated as "snow job," to describe "a deception or concealment of one's real motive in an attempt to shake down tourists." The second definition is far more believable and can be supported with much evidence. For starters, 90 percent of all America's gold is mined in "The Silver State." (Alaska is the leader in the production of silver.) And then there are the alien conspiracy theories surrounding Area 51 that were created by the state tourism department, and perpetuated by the CIA, to cover up the trillions of dollars spent to buy stealthy, super-secret, hypersonic space planes to spy on imaginary enemies. When trying to identify Nevada delegates in Denver, just remember that as America's foremost deliberate misleaders, Nevadans can't help but become oxymoronic oddballs. And their deception will be further concealed by the natural split in state politics. By and large, northern Nevadans will look like college professors who are actually pro-life, and southern Nevadans will look like war veterans who are actually trade-union supporters. The all-inclusive giveaway will be that they all look slightly overdressed, as their summer wardrobes include light, solid-color sweaters needed to guard against the chill of Nevada's air-conditioned indoor climate.

Famous Nevadans: Paiute princess Sarah Winnemucca; UPS founder James E. Casey; the hardest-working first lady in U.S. history, Thelma "Pat" Nixon; tennis great (and staunch Democratic supporter) Andre Agassi; wholesome TV actress Dawn (Mary Ann on Gilligan's Island) Wells; holesome porn actress Jenna (Candy Suxxx, Up and Cummers 11) Jameson; NASCAR brothers Kurt "Asshole" Busch and Kyle "Shrub" Busch; Killers vocalist and keyboardist Brandon Flowers; Panic at the Disco bandmates Brendon Urie, Ryan Ross and Brent Wilson.

Famous Nevada Democrats:
First Nevada native to be elected governor Emmet D. Boyle; former senator and Las Vegas International Airport namesake Pat McCarran; 24th United States Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.

Famous Nevadans With Denver Connections:
Director of the Denver U.S. Mint from 1961-1969 Eva B. Adams; Modern Drunkard publisher and editor-in-chief Frank Kelly Rich; mainstream standup ventriloquist Dan McGowan; self-published kids’-book artist Steve T. Laws; Stan's Automotive mechanic Adrian Lucero.

State Nickname: The Silver State, The Mining State, The Battle Born State (official); The Brothel Born State, The Wallet-Mining State, California's Ugly Cousin, Land of the Lost Mormons (unofficial)
Population: 2,495,529
Racial Distribution: 59% white, 8% black, 6% Asian, 2% Native American, 25% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $31,266
Unemployment: 5.2%

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Nebraska

Total Number of Delegates: 31
Pledged: 24
Unpledged: 7

How to Recognize a Nebraska Delegate:
Most Americans experience Nebraska only in passing. At 35,000 feet overhead or speeding through on I-80, the state looks flat and boring. It is neither, but that doesn't stop the "flatter than a ninth-grade prom date" jokes. Residents of the state are only happy to perpetuate the misperception, because it gives simple-minded outsiders something meaningless to fixate on while Nebraskans go about their plans for total world domination. And make no mistake: They are extremely serious. There will be no more laughing when the Cornhuskers are in command. After all, this is the birthplace of both Kool-Aid and Dick Cheney, and for Democrats, these names are synonymous with suicide missions. In addition, for the last century, the nation's most beloved citizens, Hollywood celebrities, have beencontrolled by a cabal of Cornhuskers who call themselves "the Nebraska Coast Connection." The "Dream Factory" itself was invented by Wahoo native Darryl F. Zanuck, and our brightest stars continue to be "audited" by the minions of Tildenite L. Ron Hubbard. Nebraska delegates will similarly wear fashions that are purposefully flat and boring in an attempt to dissuade unnecessary attention. Females will wear “Something Unexpected” from Omaha-based Gordmans, which means a forgettable garment purchased at a discount. Males will wearthe Cabela's Seclusion 3-D Stonewashed Canvas shirt and wrinkle-resistant flat-front chinos over MTP Series Performance underwear with scent eliminator. Seriously, you never know what might hit you.

Famous Nebraskans:
First indigenous woman to become a doctor Susan La Flesche Picotte; Tribal chiefs Red Cloud and Standing Bear; leaders of the free world Gerald Ford and Dick Cheney; business leaders Daryl F. Zanuck and Warren Buffet; religious leaders Malcolm X and L. Ron Hubbard; A-list actors Harold Lloyd, Henry Fonda, Marlon Brando, Montgomery Cliftand Hilary Swank; B-list actors James Coburn and Swoosie Kurtz; D-list actors Sandy Dennis, Janine Turner and Nick Nolte; F-list actor Larry the Cable Guy; TV journalists Dick Cavett and Paula Zahn; Spy magazine co-founder Kurt Andersen; Acme Novelty Library cartoonist Chris Ware; dancer Fred Astaire; Eagles bass guitarist Randy Meisner, pop-rocker Matthew Sweet, Maroon Fiver James Valentine, and all the members of Bright Eyes, Broken Spindles and Cursive.

Famous Nebraska Democrats:
First district representative, 41st United States Secretary of State and three-time losing presidential candidate William Jennings Bryan; 36th Nebraska governor and U.S. senator Jim Exon; 38th Nebraska governor, ex-boyfriend of actress Debra Winger and former U.S. senator Bob Kerrey.

Famous Nebraskans With Denver Connections:
7News reporter Lance Hernandez; 9News morning anchor Gary Shapiro; 9News weatherman Marty Coniglio; Region VIII FEMA director David Marstaud; Julia Blackbird's Cafe owner Julia Siegfried-Garrison; RealWorld: Denver actor Tyrie Ballard; Red Cloud West singer-songwriter Ross Etherton.

State Nickname: The Cornhusker State (official); The Cornhustler State, The Cornhusky State, The Cornhonky State, The Cornholio State (unofficial)
Population: 1,768,331
Racial Distribution: 85% white, 4% black, 2% Asian, 1% Native American, 8% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $30,758
Unemployment: 4%

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Montana

Total Number of Delegates: 24
Pledged: 16
Unpledged: 8

How to Recognize a Montana Delegate:
Residents of the Treasure State think that their Last Best Place isthe Jewel of the Lower 48. On average, there are only seven Montanans per square mile of Big Sky Country, and despite being surrounded by all that space and scenic splendor, none of them get along. At first it seems that they are timid, or maybe just a bit cranky. But the truth is, Montanans don't much like people. Especially uninvited guests. You'd think that being bordered by Idaho, Wyoming and North Dakota would be enough to keep people away. It does keep out the working poor, but it doesn't stop the trustafarians and the rich. Zillionaires fly in on private jets and buy huge tracts of land to build their get-away compounds, then put up "No Trespassing" signs and complain about the quality of wines served at the annual Testicle Festival. What's a Montanan to do? With one of the lowest per capita incomes and the highest per capita gun ownership in the country, their "Montana Values" are quickly exploited by politicians and made into public policy. Which perfectly explains the nuance of the state's latest tourism ad campaign: "Montana Sucks. Go Tell All Your Friends." At the Denver convention, the "tell" for Montana delegates will be their vintage fashions. Females prefer to wear clothing from the Carter era, while males all dress like extras from the set of High Chapparal. Montanans will be the delegates who are ignoring you — but don't think of them as snobs. After all, they’re not judging you; they're merely trying to imagine that you don't exist at all.

Famous Montanans:
Ancient actors Myrna "Mrs. Thin Man" Loy, Martha "Big Mouth" Raye, Gary “High Noon” Cooper; motorcycle daredevil Evil Knievel; filmmaking daredevil David Lynch; Oregon D.I.Y. art daredevil Brad Adkins; Pearl Jam bassist Jeff Ament; Decembrists lead singer Colin Meloy; church lady Dana Carvey.

Famous Montana Democrats:
Longest-serving majority leader in the U.S. Senate Mike Mansfield; the only person ever to be designated the “permanent acting president pro tempore of the U.S. Senate” Lee Metcalf; former congressman Pat "Mr. Carol" Williams; current senators Max Baucus and Jon Tester.

Famous Montanans With Denver Connections:
Former Duffy's owners Ken and Frank Lombardi; Ready-Temp boss man Jim Hannifin; American Furniture chairman Jake Jabs; KBCO morning showman Bret Saunders; Aurora cowboy bluesman Steve Traycee; Ralphie the Buffalo.

State Nickname: The Treasure State, Big Sky Country, The Last Best Place (official); The Superfund State, Land of Celebrity Viewsheds, Montucky (unofficial)
Population: 944,632
Racial Distribution: 90% white, 0.4% black, 0.6% Asian, 6.4% Native American, 2.6% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $25,929
Unemployment: 4.7%

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Missouri

Total Number of Delegates: 88
Pledged: 72
Unpledged: 16

How to Recognize a Missouri Delegate:
One explanation of how Missouri became known as the "Show Me" State claims that the nickname originated as a derogatory slur in Colorado. Untrained "scabs," brought in from Joplin, Missouri, to break a miners' strike, were so unfamiliar with Colorado mining practices that Leadville pit bosses continually had to show them how to do their work. It's not that Missourians are stupid; they just love to see people put on a good show! And the more dramatic and sentimental the performance, the better. After all, Missouri is the home of show-crazy Branson, with its 100 daily live music jamborees and country jubilees. In addition, Hallmark Cards, Russell Stover Chocolates and Precious Moments are the homegrown companies that Americans turn to when they feel pressured by their loved ones to "show me" some love. At the 2008 Democratic Convention, Missourians will be the most sentimental delegates, instantly recognized for their enthusiasm to sing along with street musicians and volunteer for hay rides and hoedowns. Delegates will be dressed for action in sportswear from Missouri-based Bass Pro Shops — females in Natural Reflections moleskin tops and Leah belted pants, males in Bob Timberlake Buckskin twill shirts and RedHead weathered chinos.

Famous Missourians:
Agriculturalist George Washington Carver; artists Thomas Hart Benton and Sam (Precious Moments) Butcher; authors Mark Twain, T.S. Eliot, Langston Hughes, William S. Burroughs and Maya Angelou; musicians Scott Joplin, Josephine Baker, Chuck Berry, Sheryl Crow and Eminem; macabre actors Vincent Price and Linda Blair; comedians Redd Foxx and David Koechner; conservative shills Rush Limbaugh and Phyllis Schlafly; TV personalities Walter Cronkite and Dick Van Dyke.

Famous Missouri Democrats:
33rd President of the United States Harry S. Truman; 22nd Majority Leader of the United States House of Representatives Dick Gebhardt; the Carnahan clan: 51st Missouri governor and father Mel, senator and mother Jean, congressman and son Russ, secretary of state and daughter Robin.

Famous Missourians With Denver Connections:
1882 Denver Tribune editor and kid-lit superstar Eugene Field; the Unsinkable Molly Brown; Gunsmoke star and Ridgway recycled-residence recluse Dennis Weaver; 1982 East High School graduate Don Cheadle; Pepsi Center owner E. Stanley Kroenke; Custom Corned Beef king John Jewsbury; Potager wonder chef Teri Rippeto; 9News meteorologist Becky Ditchfield; 9News Colorado and Company co-host Mark McIntosh.

State Nickname: The Show Me State (official); Gateway to the West, The Old Lead Belt, Spelunker's Paradise, Pennsylvania of the West, The Puke State (unofficial).
Population: 5,704,484
Racial Distribution: 83% white, 11% black, 1% Asian, 5% Hispanic
Per Capita Personal Income: $29,342
Unemployment: 5.8%

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Mississippi

Total Number of Delegates: 40
Pledged: 33
Unpledged: 7

How to Recognize a Mississippi Delegate:
Due to a prolonged history of ill-timed natural disasters and social injustice, Mississippi today is the poorest state in the nation. Fortunately, that poverty has created a form of super-human state resident. Take, for example, Oprah and Elvis. She is the richest woman alive, and he's the richest dead man in the world. Both natives were able to harness their hardships and use them to become international inspirations. Mississippi is also the birthplace of the blues and the epicenter of the Southern Gothic literary style. Clearly, Mississippians can rely on intuition, irony and social events to transcend the underlying dreadfulness of the American experience! This phenomenon is best illustrated in the 1967 Bobbie Gentry hit, "Ode to Billie Joe." In the song, Mama states that the word from Choctaw Ridge is that "Billie Joe MacAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge." Then Papa dryly surmises, "Well, Billie Joe never had a lick of sense, pass the biscuits, please." Simply stated, matter-of-fact Mississippians ignore the unsolvable problems and get on with enjoying the simple things in life. It's the mantra of Elvis and Oprah. In Denver, look for Mississippi delegates wherever lemons are being made into lemonade. All Mississipians spend their summers in oversized T-shirts referred to as “Mississippi muumuus.” Favorite graphics will include single images, or combinations, of howling coyotes, Bible passages and patriotism.

Famous Mississippians:
Puppet masters Jim Henson and Oprah Winfrey; civil-rights activists Ida B. Wells and Medgar Evers; writers William Faulkner, Tennessee Williams, Eudora Welty and Muna Lee; musicians John Lee Hooker, B.B. King, Bo Diddley, Sam Cooke, Bobbie Gentry, Jimmy Buffet, Lance Bass and Faith Ford; actors Eric Roberts, Sela Ward and (Mr. Delta Burke) Gerald McRaney; athletes Archie Manning, Walter Payton, Jerry Riceand Brett Favre.

Famous Democrats From Mississippi:
Former lieutenant governor Evelyn Gandy and former Washington, D.C., mayor Marion Barry.

Famous Mississippians With Denver Connections:
Regis College Old Main "Pink Palace" architect Henry Dozier; American Basketball Association Denver Rocket Spencer Haywood; former astronaut and current director of the National Renewable Energy Laboratory in Golden Richard Truly; University of Denver creative writing professor Selah Saterstrom.

State Nickname: The Magnolia State (official); The Mud-cat State, The Mud-waddler State, The FEMA-trailer State (unofficial)
Population: 2,910,540
Racial Distribution: