Voice of Reason
Imagine my surprise this morning when I turned on 850 KOA Radio only to find Alan Roach, the PA announcer for the Colorado Rockies for the past fourteen seasons, about to reveal who was going to take over his job as of April 2, Opening Day. Roach explained that there were more than 250 applicants, eighteen of whom were invited to compete in a three-step audition process on March 12 at the Sports Column, and that the field had been narrowed down to three candidates. I was shocked. I had penned a column just this week humbly tossing my hat into the ring, (read about it here) and yet here the winner was about to be announced and I hadn't even been so much as contacted!
So I called into the radio station, hoping to join the finalists -- Conor McGahey, James Hudson and Reed Saunders -- who were all on hold, awaiting the announcement. Roach then explained that on the count of three, he was going to have each of them say their best "Welcome to Coors Field" spiel, while only taking one of them off hold: That voice would be the new voice of Coors Field. But the operator had not patched me through, so when Roach said go, all I could do was pointlessly scream to the heavens, "Welcome to Coors Field, home of your Colorado Illmatic Rockies!" But it was not my voice that I heard on the radio. It was 25-year-old Reed Saunders, the former voice of the Colorado Eagles minor league hockey team, and the new voice of your Colorado Rockies.
Reed Saunders, I would like to congratulate you on your new career, and I would also like to take this opportunity to officially welcome you to my Shit List. You just shot right ahead of meter maids, NASCAR enthusiasts and Scarlett Johansson for interpreting the poetry I sent her as "threatening" and having her people issue a restraining order. Pretty exclusive company, Reed, I hope you enjoy it there. But of course, there is one way you can free yourself from the Shit List, Reed: Arrange it so I get to throw out an opening pitch this season. I don't know what you have to do, and I don't care. You make that happen and I swear I will let up, sit back at Coors Field like the rest of the Rockies fans and listen to what you have to say without a hint of jealousy or irony. Ball's in your court, Reed. Ball's in your court. Reed. -- Adam Cayton-Holland