Britney Spears No Pants, August 30
Here's a brief look at some of the items America is desperate to learn about today:
Britney Spears no pants
I think the reasons for searching the phrase “Britney Spears no pants” are pretty self-explanatory. In case I’m wrong, I’ve included the photograph and a link to a press release, which I will summarize here: Britney Spears went out without pants on. Shocker.
A forgotten sample of the choking agent phosgene, used widely in World War I, was found in the files of U.N. weapons inspectors. It’s like the time I found my months-unwashed gym uniform at the bottom of my locker in high school. Unlike the samples, which are supposedly safely sealed, my uniform was exposed to air and there were several casualties.
Today’s word of the day is polydactylism, which means extra fingers or toes. The sudden interest was sparked this kid’s recent birth. He’s got twelve fingers and twelve toes, so he should have a real jump on his peers when he starts studying math.
Giant spider web
A giant spider web consisting of over 200 yards of webbing has engulfed a huge swath of a Texas state park. Best line from the story: “There are times when you can literally hear the screech of millions of mosquitoes caught in those webs.” This makes me nostalgic for the wave of insectsploitation movies from the ‘70s. I think I’ll have to go out and rent Kingdom of the Spiders.
Michael Jackson beer
No, this does not mean that the once King of Pop is going into the brewing business. This is the other Michael Jackson, the esteemed beer writer. He was found dead in London. In memoriam, I’m going to go get drunk on really good beer now.