Petition to Burn the Bonds Ball

Categories: Sports

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Though it's hard to begrudge a man the chance to make $1 million solely because he was in the right place at the right time, I hereby call for the revocation of Boulder resident Jameson Sutton's right to call himself a Rockies fan. At a March 13 press conference organized by sports collectibles auction house SCP Suctions, Sutton, 24, unmasked himself as the man who caught Barry Bonds' record-setting 762nd home run ball. Sutton also unmasked himself as one of the lowest forms of human being: those who would root for Bonds to hit a home run.


Sutton, who says his family has had Rockies' season tickets since the team's inception (and whose right to sit anywhere in Coors Field should be immediately revoked as well) said this in the press conference today, "I was hoping that Bonds might hit one to the opposite field. Given how hard (Ubaldo) Jimenez was throwing, I knew the chances were pretty good."

Sutton admits here that he sat in his family's seats hoping for Bonds to not only hit one out in OUR park against OUR defending National League Champion Colorado Rockies off OUR rookie ace Ubaldo "Post Season Fire-Breathing Rock" Jimenez, but to defile Coors Field with a tainted record-setting abomination to the national pastime.

SCP will auction the ball off for traitor Sutton on their website next month, and the company noted in a press release today that it expects the ball to garner bids in excess of one million dollars. An amount that falls quite short of enabling Sutton to buy back the respect of any purple-bleeding Rockies fan.

I think the ball should be destroyed, the whole thing forgotten, and Balco Barry banned from the game for eternity. If Cooperstown won't accept Pete Rose, Barry shouldn't even be allowed to utter the word baseball so long as he takes up good, clean oxygen on this planet.

So how about it Denver, what do you think should happen to the ball in question? Should we collectively sack SCP to steal and burn the cursed orb? Write your suggestion in the comments section below.
-- Sean Cronin


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