Fire Witch, Meet Ashton Kutcher

Categories: Media

ashton_kutcher.jpg

In "Artist's Prank Punks Re-create 68, Other Activists," a July 10 More Messages blog, I noted that the writer responsible for the Fire Witch Rising blog correctly guessed that the person behind a threatening flyer and e-mail wasn't a rogue cop, as some recipients assumed. But instead of being flattered, Fire Witch chose to be insulted, using the mention as a pretext to rip Westword several new ones -- which is kinda nice, actually, because we can always use some extras. She undermines her credibility, though, by arguing that "punks" in the headline above actually means "rape."

You're a bastard, Ashton Kutcher...

Fire Witch begins "Denver's Westword Claims Fire Witch Rising 'Punked,'" her July 12 post, with the following intro:

According to the Urban Dictionary, the word punked means:

4. While detained in a prison or jail, to be raped by a fellow inmate.

In the middle of the night, three inmates punked the new guy next to his bed.

The numeral "4" indicates how far the Fire Witch is stretching. The Urban Dictionary listing for "punked" does indeed include the passage she cites above -- but there are three other more common meanings before it:

1. punked

A way to describe someone ripping you off,tricking you, teasing you

I heard that boy gon' get jumped for punkin that guy out.

HAHAHAHA, I punked both of you.

2. Punked

When you make fun of someone so bad they have nothing else to say back.

Zack W: What you doin?

Matt F: Your mom.

Zack W: ...

3. punked

1) Humiliated completely, as in disrespected. See clowned.

2) Bluffed out of a pot in poker.

3) A big upset in a fight.

Punked in verbial form: "To make a punk out of someone."

1) Police officer #1: Damn that kid just ran off with my badge and the blow!

Police officer #2: WTF! you idiot! you're supposed to pull your gun out with your badge!

Police officer #3: You just got punked fool.

2) Damn, that guy had 2 7 offsuit, you got punked man.

3) Yao Ming took down Shaq? Yea he got punked.

Nonetheless, Fire Witch sticks with the rape metaphor. "Why is the Westword so gleeful about Recreate 68 (and other DNC activists who received a threatening flyer) being violated by an ugly hoax?" she wonders. "Is it because a local activist once gleefully imaged [sic] the rape of the Westword's editor Patricia Calhoun with a wood rasp? Turnabout of an act of degradation that can never be liberatory is hardly fair play."

She concludes, "The Westword once again shows itself to be nothing more than the white crass pimp pages it always has been. The good news is that print is dead and the Westword's days are numbered. Don't expect them to show any class on the way out. Death spirals tend to bring out the worst in phony hacks."

Unless I'm mistaken, a phony hack isn't a real hack -- so maybe Fire Witch was trying to conclude with a compliment. Then again, I had no clue the MTV show Punk'd could also have been known as Rape'd. I hope Demi Moore gives Ashton a good talking to about that. -- Michael Roberts


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