They Might Be Trashed, But Denverites Keep the Condoms Close at Hand

Left?

Remember last weekend, when you got so hammered you mistook your Xbox for a urinal, and awoke the next morning with a tattoo of Clint Hurdle on your neck and your less-than-attractive cubicle mate in your bed? And remember when, a few minutes later, you loudly praised your excellent judgment after discovering that you had, in your state of advanced shit-facedness, used an entire 12-pack of Trojans, a patch, that creepy ring thing, and a vintage 1984 diaphragm to protect yourself from a really awkward nine months of work?

Well, friend, it turns out you're no hero after all. You're just from Denver.

As the Denver Post reports today, Denver, recently named the drunkest state in the union by Men's Health magazine, is also the State Least Likely to Get Knocked Up or Contract the Dreaded Clap©. That's according to research conducted by the apparently bored folks at ACNielsen and published in the current issue of Women's Health, which we read religiously, by the way, because nothing passes the time like the old “Is it a sex toy or a household object game?”

The gist: We use contraception more regularly than folks in other cities. The reason, the Post writes:

“I think, in general, Colorado is moving to be a more liberal state," and politically liberal states, [sex therapist Lisa Thomas] says, have higher rates of contraceptive use. She also says the more elevated the education level, the greater the use of contraception, which suggests Denver residents are one educated bunch of urbanites.

"I also think Colorado has a lot of young people," she says. "And Colorado has a lot of healthy people. And I think being healthy is correlated with being sexually active."

Also correlated with being sexually active: Being really, really drunk. It all makes sense, doesn't it? -- Joe Tone