More perks for departing CSU president Larry Penley

Larry Penley.

Folks in the legislature are gnashing their dental implants over the munificent parting gifts lavished on Larry Penley, the CSU prez ushered out the door last week. In addition to the $350,000 in severance pay previously reported, Allison Sherry at the Denver Post has this report about a $3,000 housing allowance Penley will enjoy through February on the university's dime.

But what you don't know about are the other nifty perquisites available to all CSU presidents when they are discharged. We've uncovered the following in the fine, fine print of Penley's contract:

1. Commemorative Sonny Lubick "beer bra," suitable for sneaking alcoholic beverages into athletic events such as, yes, football games.

2. Genuine headgear crafted from horns amputated from bighorn ram, said to bring good fortune, wisdom and sexual potency, especially when worn while consuming special broth (not included) made from ram gonads.

3. Buy-in for high-stakes Texas hold-em tournament featuring Al "The General" Yates.

4. Five tanning sessions with professor emeritus William Gray (the famed global warming naysayer profiled in our 2006 feature "The Skeptic").

5. Honorary degree from the university's new School of Global Environmental Sustainability, for coming up with the slogan, "Your Green University" -- which, come to think of it, isn't a bad way to talk about CSU. If you're Larry Penley, you're all about the green. -- Alan Prendergast