Other things Denver might stupidly trade away other than Allen Iverson

Categories: News
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Bye-bye, A.I.

So the big NBA trade yesterday happened right here in Denver: Allen Iverson for, most notably, hometowner Chauncey Billups and former Nugget Antonio McDyess (plus Cheikh Samb). Nothing against Billups, who if not as good an all-around player as Iverson, at least has a good narrative to bolster his value here in town. (Of course, we’ve all seen how well narrative served the McCain/Palin campaign in these last few weeks, polling-wise.)

But the wake of the Iverson trade brings up concerns about what else Denver, in a fit of self-destructive hyper-activity caused by a desire to remain in the national news on a permanent basis, might see fit to trade away. Here's five possibilities:

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Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper

Trading Hick away would be a big mistake, especially given many of his gubernatorial colleagues. Who could we get? New York City’s Mike Bloomberg, who just decided that term limits shouldn’t apply to him? Besides, Hick’s a Denver boy -- once he’s done with politics, he’ll be right back at the Wynkoop, brewing Governor’s Ale or something. Trading away an effective leader is one thing (a lesson we can perhaps take from the willingness to lose Iverson), but giving away the potential for a specialty microbrew is something with which we must not put up.

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One of Colorado’s 14ers

After all, we have so many, and we could get something good for it, the argument might go. Like one of the Great Lakes -- but we’d probably get Erie. Or a small cache of Minnesota’s 10,000 lakes. It wouldn’t have to be Evans, or Longs, or Elbert, supporters of this trade might say: We could choose one of the ones that’s barely a 14er, like Sunshine Peak (which would stop being a 14er if some kid kicked a few rocks off the top), or Wetterhorn Peak (because come on, it’s called Wetterhorn Peak).

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Douglas Bruce

Granted, we wouldn’t be able to get much for Bruce; another self-aggrandizing lobbyist, probably. But it’s possible that we might be able to land a trade outside the strictly political arena. Maybe someone on the same shame-level, like Arizona’s Sheriff Joe “pink underwear” Arpaio, who runs Phoenix’s Tent City jail. Problem is, trading a guy like Doug Bruce is akin to trying to force the Old Maid card on someone. It’s not so much trading as foisting.

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The Denver Omelette

This trade is helped by the fact that Denver has very little to do with this specific omelette, and that it has many detractors: mainly, people who don’t like ham, peppers or onions. But still, it’s got our name on it, and if someone in Chicago wants to eat one and get their own eggy Rocky Mountain High, who are we to argue? Besides, what could we get for the thing -- fried eggs over easy and a muffin to be named later?

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Bob Kendrick

He what? They did? Sorry, move along, nothing to see here. -- Teague Bohlen


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