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Twenty reasons the proposed Writer Square moat-pyramid is -- ahem -- a fantastic idea

Categories: News

D.H. Ruggles & Associates.jpg
D.H. Ruggles & Associates

So the owners of Writer Square along the 16th Street Mall are planning to build on the premises a glass pyramid. With a moat. That will somehow lead to an underground retail thingermerjigger. What a great idea. Really, we mean it. Cross our heart (stifling derisive snickering).

Don't believe us? Here are 20 reasons why the moat-pyramid will be a superb addition to our fair city:

  1. Egyptian architecture is going to be the next big thing. That and moats.
  2. While there's a lot of vacant storefronts on the 16th Street Mall, that's because they're all aboveground. As everyone knows, shoppers much prefer inconveniently located, subterranean retail options.
  3. Filling up one of the city's few open spaces with a moat is a very practical use for our dwindling water resources.
  4. It will harken back to the region's great pyramid-building Native American tribes.
  5. It will harken back to the region's great moat-digging miners and settlers.
  6. A mysterious glass pyramid and inexplicable underground lair that seems straight out of the Da Vinci Code? Denver International Airport conspiracy wackos are gonna love this.
  7. It's going to double as a fantastic open-air urinal for all the drunken assholes coming from Lodo at let-out.
  8. The state's tourism board can call Colorado "The Egypt of the West." At least that's better than its current slogan, "Let's Talk Colorado."
  9. The city's graffiti crews need bright new surfaces to cover with their tags.
  10. Morlock love underground stores. Too bad Morlock have no money.
  11. It'll look like the Denver Art Museum's Hamilton Building took a dump on the mall -- which, when you think about it, is pretty funny.
  12. City skateboarders are gonna be stoked, along with those crazy parkour guys.
  13. When Superman comes to visit, it'll feel like his very own Fortress of Solitude-away-from-home.
  14. It'll make a great greenhouse when the apocalypse comes in 2012 and those of us who survive revert back to primitive farmers.
  15. Wait, the Louvre did this in Paris? And Apple built one in New York City? Nah, couldn't be.
  16. It'll be a hoot when archeologists 2,000 years from now are excavating downtown Denver and have no idea what to make of this thing.
  17. Man, those invading Mongol hordes are gonna be PISSED when they can't get into our glass pyramid because of our bad-ass moat!
  18. While it has nothing at all to do with green technology or renewable energy, some local politician will figure out a way to say it does and then beat that horse to death.
  19. Chicks dig moat-pyramids. Really, they do.
  20. Hey, at least it's not a glowing red penis or a terrifying blue hellbeast.

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