A Hummer driver with road rage? Well, that's unexpected!

Categories: Colorado Crimes

SilverIceLimitedEditionHummerH2.JPG
The car looks like this, but presumably with way more blood on it.

In perhaps the least surprising news since the cancellation of Frank TV, Colorado State Patrol troopers are looking for the driver of an Hummer H2 who, in a fit of road rage, may have intentionally caused a wreck that left a motorcycle rider seriously injured.

The incident happened Sunday afternoon on Route 287 in Larimer County. The driver of the Hummer side-swiped an RV, which then swerved and took out a motorcyclist parked on the side of the road, Trooper Gilbert Mares said in a release. The driver of the RV was not injured. The motorcyclist, 49-year-old Donald E. Mills Jr. of Greeley, was transported to an area hospital with serious injuries. Should he recover, he will be owed many, many beers and a new bike.

Authorities say the Hummer driver stopped briefly but then drove away, probably because he was late to his son's Little League game, where he had long-standing plans to berate the umpire, his son's coach, the opposing coach, his son, and the woman selling raffle tickets.

Authorities also say the driver of the Hummer may have struck the RV intentionally. "That's what we have to try to prove," Mares told us a few minutes ago. The other possibility, which Mares did not mention, is that the driver accidentally swerved into the RV while marveling at the impossibly small size of his penis.

The driver -- who still can't believe that penile enlargement stuff hasn't kicked in yet -- is believed to be near Fort Collins, according to the Post's report. On the off-chance you're reading this on your iPhone while driving, the offending vehicle is silver with a bike rack. It does not have a "Palin-Sanford 2012" bumper sticker, but the driver is believed to have one on back order.

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