When Athletes Tweet: Why go to Broncos training camp when you can follow that shiznit on Twitter?!?
This week marks the end of a most bizarre offseason for the Broncos, as players start trickling into Dove Valley for training camp. (Can you "trickle in" on 76-inch rims? Probably not).
Kyle Orton's not on Twitter. But his neckbeard is.
Of course, you can take in the practices yourself starting on Friday. But just in case you're not unemployed, interested in heat stroke, and craving a chance to see what Kyle Orton looks like beardless, you may be able to follow the action on Twitter, the social-messaging tool previously used for stalking Elizabeth Banks.
You can follow the team itself, but we prefer to check in with the players directly. Here, as far as we could gather (with help from twitter-athletes.com), are the Broncos currently getting their Tweet on:
Champ Bailey, cornerback
How active? Fairly. Goes in spurts, but Tweets more days than he doesn't.
Most revealing Tweet: "LOL!! RT @Kenny_Mayne: New episode of 'Mayne Street" is up on Espn.com." So that's who watches Mayne Street.
Carlton Powell, defensive tackle
Followers: 216 (Speaking of problmz, get this man some more followerz!
How active? Very, at least of late.
Most revealing Tweet: "God gave us talent, so: The meaning of life is to find your talents. The purpose of life is to share them." Oh wait, that's Larry Fitzgerald talking. Still, nice retweet!
Knowshon Moreno, running back
How active? Not at all lately. The Knowshon Twitter train jumped the track over a month ago, sadly.
Most revealing Tweet: "Touchdown dance @ Upper Deck football card photo shoot http://tinyurl.com/n6hfhu." Here's hoping he gets to do one of these when it counts.
Eddie Royal, wide receiver
How active? Somewhat. But he's a very busy man, always having to show Brandon Marshall how to behave like a gentleman.
Most revealing Tweet: "Was asked a good question on 1st take...Whats my official nickname...Need ya help...Let me know which of the ones you heard that u like best." Is it too late to vote for "Royal Pain in the Collective Ass of the Chargers' Nickel Secondary Package"? That has a nice ring to it, I think.
Darrell Reid, defensive end
How active? Quite, especially if you count his all-caps Tweets as extra. In that case, HE'S REALLY, REALLY ACTIVE!
Most revealing Tweet: "I Keep Tellin U I Don't Sleep Cuz Sleep Iz Da Couzin Of Deaf ." So he doesn't sleep, and doesn't really believe in lower-case letters. An enigma, wrapped in a ...
Jack Williams, cornerback
How active? Very, although his updates usually amount to such mundane updates as, "bout to see wuts on da tizzube."
Most revealing Tweet: "Its almost time for da show we all love. I shouldnt have to say it. Heres a hint it starts wit a "M" and ends in "artin."" Which reveals that a) he can spell and b) people still watch Martin.
Darius Walker, running back
How active? Not very, and his updates also are fairly boring, unless you're interested in when he works out.
Most revealing Tweet: Hmmm. "Back in ATL." "Grill time." "Getting the truck washed." Unless you're D-Walk's overbearing mother, his feed's pretty much useless.
Kyle Orton, quarterback
How active? Somewhat. But every Tweet is worth 1,000 of D-Walk's.
Most revealing Tweet: "Still have my wallet? Check. Mouth tastes like stale PBR and vomit? Check. Fingers smell like some slag-vag? Check. Very good night bromies!" Which reveals, just in case it wasn't clear, that this is not the real Kyle Orton. But it's still the best Broncos Twitter feed out there.