Kenny Be's Worst-Case Scenario: Mysterious Colorado cattle mutilations explained

Ufologists want to claim that aliens are cherry-picking livestock's udders, tongues and organs. However, more plausible theories do exist...

...Desperate and unemployed persons who can no longer afford to buy packaged hot dogs are harvesting the ingredients to make their own.

Look below for more mutilation!

...G.O.P. Party Chairman DickWad Hams has been stealing bovine organs to prepare a magic elixir he uses to rejuvenate the state Republican brain trust.

...The ranchers who notified the authorities about the mutilations are actually in the midst of negotiating a reality-TV program development deal.