Top 10 Colorado sex acts of the decade
Everybody loves a good, home-grown sex scandal. Especially scandals that involve Evangelical Christians, bestiality, horny moms and naughty schoolteachers. (Not all at once, sadly.)
A Flickr photo.
Colorado has played host to its fair share of salaciousness this past decade. Here, we look back at the sex acts that made us say "Hmmmmm." Or "Yuck." Or "Really? A penis on a pool table?"
10. Michael Garcia's Penis Flash
Rep. Michael Garcia was an up-and-coming Democrat in the state legislature when, in January 2008, he derailed his political career by making lewd comments to a female lobbyist about, uh, up-and-coming.
The two were playing pool at the Lancer Lounge after a fundraiser when Garcia unzipped his pants and, to quote the lobbyist, "pulled everything out." He then asked the lobbyist, "Wouldn't this be real nice inside of you?"
She apparently didn't think so, because she reported the Aurora Democrat -- who insisted the encounter was consensual -- to the House Speaker, whose office took the liberty of announcing Garcia's resignation.
9. Gustavo Castanon's Blow Job
In September 2007, animal-shelter volunteer Gustavo Castanon was arrested for trying to use a PB&J to get a BJ -- from a dog. A shelter employee spotted the 33-year-old Denver man with his pants down, using peanut butter to coax a basset hound into performing fellatio.
Castanon, who had previously pleaded guilty to unlawful public indecency in Cheesman Park, again pleaded guilty, this time to animal cruelty. He was given two years' probation and was ordered to never again coax an animal into giving him a beej, as if the wrongness of doing so needed to be made clearer.
8. The Naked Pumpkin Runners' Run
Stripping naked, putting a jack-o-lantern on your head and running down Boulder's Pearl Street Mall on Halloween with all your junk bouncing up and down may not seem like the brightest idea. But does it warrant being labeled a sex offender alongside child molesters, priests who jog naked (we're talking about you, Rev. Robert Whipkey) and creepy trenchcoat flashers?
The Boulder police sure thought so when they ticketed twelve runners on Halloween 2008 for indecent exposure, a crime that requires those convicted of it to register as sex offenders. None of the twelve was ultimately found guilty, but the heavy-handed tactic effectively quashed the nude run.
7. The Denver Post and Rocky Mountain News's Joint Operating Agreement
In 2001, our fair city's warring daily newspapers, the Denver Post and the Rocky Mountain News, engaged in some consensual rag-on-rag action by forming a "joint operating agreement," or JOA, a cost-cutting move that created a partnership known as the Denver Newspaper Agency and allowed the papers to combine business functions. It was hailed as a way to save the "failing" Rocky.
But it didn't work as planned, mostly due to the Internet, that dastardly 21st-century stealer of advertising. The JOA couldn't keep both papers afloat and earlier this year, the Rocky folded. A cautionary tale to still-living newspapers everywhere: Be careful who you bed.
6. The Exploits of Mayor Hickenlooper's Robe
The mayor may not have cavorted with any $300-an-hour prostitutes at the exclusive Denver Club, a squash and social club that offered more than squash and socializing, but his robe sure did.
In the midst of a 2008 investigation into dirty after-hours deeds done at the club, a former prostitute admitted that one night, the ladies found a robe belonging to Mayor John Hickenlooper in the locker room and took turns wearing it. It's unclear whether Hickenlooper was ever the wiser ...