Everybody must get zoned: Kenny Be looks at Denver's new zoning rules

By Kenny Be Wed., Jan. 20 2010 at 8:36 AM

Categories: Kenny Be/Comics

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The new zoning code is now online and awaits your review. With building restrictions across the city that are all new! The revamped code guarantees that you won't suffer alone, because everybody must get zoned.

The new context-based zoning code completely transforms the planning office into a McZoning service counter. The form-based picture menu clearly shows what can be built and helps the builder/homeowner to select an allowable building (that maintains the existing context of their neighborhood), just by presenting the smiling city planner with an address.

They're happy because they rule this town. Read more about it below:

At 639 pages, the old zoning code was considered horribly complicated and cumbersome. Weighing in at 730 pages, not including 76 neighborhood maps and six Overlay District maps, the new zoning code is being called an improvement. It is a control-freak fantasy, with detailed rules for every aspect of city life.

Don't feel slighted: Architects and developers are reined in, too...

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Kenny Be, Peter Park

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@Joe - "Just go and buy it" isn't an answer. If Denver allows up to three (150 pound) dogs as a use by right, the city can certainly allow a few 5 pound chickens or a couple of 50 pound dwarf dairy goats. These animals are quiet, easy to keep clean, and an asset to their neighborhoods --- just ask any of the people who are currently raising these animals in Denver.
Thankfully I live in Houston, where residents are still allowed to choose what to do with their own property, and there are few stupid rules to be enforced by the jackbooted thugs of the City Zoning Department. Did no one involved in this travesty ever think that less government is better government?
As a homeowner for over 30 plus years, I want to see the city enforce the code. They could generate revenue if they would put staff out on the streets on weekends(no overtime, change the work schedule). Collect fines for unauthorized garage sales and construction with no permit. In areas like Montbello, find the property owner and notify and fine them for all violations. I could easily supplement my retirement if they would send me out in Montbello on weekends.
Brilliant Work. This much I will say, that Mayor Hick at least took the wraps off the "Blueprint" which is a lot, no... one hell of a lot more than that sinister windbag that preceded him. Beef Wellington's original plan was long on cronyism and short on the realities of urban living. I don't agree with a lot of the stuff in the new plan, but it least if you live in the city... you got a chance to vote on it. As for Kenny's rendering... if the granny flat, replete with Port-O-Potty didn't bring tears of laughter to your eyes, then some of the shenanigans in the crowd scene are simply over your head.
Kenny Be reminds me of Jane Jacobs observing New York's urban renewal in the 50's: "The city is like an insane asylum run by the inmates" Case in point: Zoning was originally intended to keep residences safely away from businesses and industry. Now we have huge areas of "mixed use zoning" that intends to get them back together. What? Urban renewal (aka tear down buildings to make parking lots, and shove people to unwalkable suburbs) and ridiculous zoning rules from that era almost irretrievably ruined Denver and many other cities. Now the zoners and planners expect us to trust them with our future for the next 50 years. On the bright side: 1. The stupid parking and zoning rules that ruined Colfax and Broadway have gone away, so we'll get our Main Streets back. 2. The car-loving and pedestrian-hating rules that have been in place for 50 years have been largely identified and eliminated.
ixnay on farm animals. Go to your local "sustainable" market...
Mayor Hickenlooper should love the drawing of the new money-making Cheesman Park. I would be happy to see Cheesman used for something other than the dog toilet that it is now. Expensive parks would keep out the riff-raff.
Hurrah for the urban agriculture section in the new zoning code!(although Kenny's drawing is just a touch inaccurate, as the code doesn't allow homeowners to sell produce on-site at their home) With lots of great provisions for gardening and greenhouses, the urban ag codes will make it easier for Denver residents to produce more of their own food, if they choose to do so. Now we just need to encourage City Council to pass an ordinance allowing for the keeping of Food-Producing Animals (like hen chickens and dwarf dairy goats) as a use by right, and we'll really be on our way to sustainability!