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Jersey Shore nicknames for Colorado's political contenders, bro: Guido for Governor!

jerseyHick.jpg
J-Muscle, indeed.
Is the media beating this whole Jersey Shore thing to death? Definitely. Are we here at Westword going to join in on beatin' up the beat? Damn right.

Being the thoughtful and responsible journalists that we are, we decided to use the "Jersey Shore Nickname Generator" to create Guido and Guidette nicknames for the main 2010 political candidates (along with a few specially tailored suggestions).

We strongly suggest everybody refer to the candidates by the following names for the duration of the campaign season. We're pretty sure it will improve proceedings immeasurably, bro.

Governor
John Hickenlooper: J-Muscle
Scott McInnis: The Prince of Paramus
Bill Ritter: He's like Angelina. Didn't stick around long enough to earn a nickname.

Senate
Michael Bennet: The Body
Jane Norton: The Tight End
Andrew Romanoff and Ken Buck: They're both Princesses of Poughkeepsie, because they're as hopeless as Snooki. Somebody should just knock 'em out before they cause any more trouble.

Treasurer
Cary Kennedy: C-Pow
Ali Hassan: GTL (Gym, tanning, laundry: That's how you make Mr. Hassan.)

Attorney General
John Suthers: Juice Springsteen

Secretary of State
Bernie Buescher: The Sausage Party
Scott Gessler: S-Gel

House of Representatives
Jared Polis: Bones
John Salazar: The Operation (Everybody loves The Operation, and if you don't love The Operation, he's gonna make you love The Operation.)
Scott Tipton: Natural Light
Betsy Markey: The Paris Hilton of Trenton
Cory Gardner: The Deltoid
Ed Perlmutter: The Blowout
Mike Coffman: DJ Douchebag

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