Eddie Archer, potential kidnapper, stars in most dysfunctional 911 recording ever

Eddie Archer doesn't sound like a prize.

Westminster police are still looking for Eddie Archer, 22, who yesterday was involved in an incident that may or may not have been a kidnapping -- but most definitely wasn't an advertisement for a happy relationship.

As proof, check out an extended 911 recording featuring a woman who said Archer forced her and her young son into a car and wouldn't let them out. They were later released, but not before she and Archer engaged in deafening argument featuring crazed screaming, sadistic mockery, loads of profanities, comic ignorance and a bizarre reference to American Furniture Warehouse.

Here's the WPD's description of what went down:

Westminster Police received a call from the Denver Police Department about a 911 hang up they received. The cellular phone used to place that 911 call was registered to a Westminster address. Police quickly determined the call was being placed from inside a moving vehicle and maintained an open line with the caller. Westminster Dispatch monitored the conversation and possible disturbance as the caller was not able to talk directly to police. This rolling disturbance traveled through multiple law enforcement jurisdictions and resulted in other motorist calling 911 to report their concerns.

Westminster tracked the vehicle through Boulder and Boulder County, ultimately locating the female and her small child at a park near 33rd Avenue and Yates Street in Denver. Police have found the vehicle we believe they were traveling in. Police are still trying to determine Mr. Archer's involvement in the incident.

As for the 911 call, much of it consists of unintelligible screaming and shrieking, intercut with occasional repetitions of the word "Hello" from the operator. But some snippets can be deciphered.

At one point, for instance, Archer cruelly imitates the woman's sobbing, prompting her to bellow, "I fucking hate you. I hate you more than anybody else."

He counters with, "You fucked up my day."

Shortly thereafter, the woman tells him, "You're a psycho. You are a psycho."

"I'm a psycho?" he repeats. "I get home from fucking running around and you fucking run from me in front of the house? And I'm psycho?"

"I'm not the one kidnapping fucking people, huh?" she says.

"I'm kidnapping you?" he asks.

"You kind of are," she confirms. "I do not want you in this car. You won't let me out."

More bickering follows (along with that mention of American Furniture Warehouse), with the woman eventually saying, "God forbid I protect my son."

To that, Archer replies, "God forbid? You need to read the Bible. You need to go to church."

And he should study up on common phrases -- because it soon becomes clear he doesn't know what "God forbid" means. "It's a saying!" she declares.

And there are more where that came from. To listen for yourself, click here. Note that the first couple of minutes feature an exchange between operators. Only when they're finished does the spewing truly begin.