Santa on Twitter: Top ten jerky tweets

There are dozens of fake Santa Twitter accounts. While some of them are earnest -- like this tweet from @NorthPolePost: "Ho ho ho! What a busy few days. First chance to put my feet up in a while! Thought I'd see what you're all doing while I drink a cup of tea!" -- many of them are not. Here are the top ten tweets from jerky Santas.

That commercial is full of shit.I may be drunk off my jolly ass, and I am.But I would NEVER endorse jewelry from Kay's.#NEVER

— Drunk Santa (@RealDrunkSanta) December 5, 2011

When a kid first gets on my knee there's always that moment of sheer terror in their eyes. That's when I ask if they have any money on them..

— Drunk Mall Santa (@MallSanta69)December 18, 2011

Time to start giving Rudolph and the boys their magic COCAINE pixie dust. They'll be OFFTHEIRTITS flying in no time!! Much love, SCx

— Father Christmas (@TourettesSanta) December 15, 2011

So many people want Justin Bieber for Christmas..

— Santa (@TheSantaCIaus) December 9, 2011

Jesus doesn't do shit for my birthday.

— Santa Claus (@TheOldSaintNick) December 8, 2011

Fa-La-La-La-La-lellatio.

— Kris Kringle (@Santa_St_Claus) December 18, 2011

I named Dancer, Prancer, Cupid, & Vixen after strippers I met in Vegas.

— Kris Kringle (@Santa_St_Claus) December 19, 2011

Long story but whoever asked for a DeLonghi coffee maker- I just had to piss in it. Don't worry, I'll give it a rinse before wrapping. Ta.

— Father Christmas (@XmasDad) December 16, 2011

Kids - please stop asking for your parents to get back together for Christmas. You will get Let's Rock Elmo and like it.

— Santa Claus (@TheOldSaintNick) November 18, 2011

The top of these kid's heads smell like Appletinis.Can't wait to get off work and hit Bennigans.

— Drunk Mall Santa (@MallSanta69) December 1, 2011

More from our Lists & Weirdness archives: "Top 10 White Elephant Christmas gifts of 2011."