Denver named 15th Gayest City -- based on pretty much nothing

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Yesterday, Denver made number fifteen on The Advocate's list of the Gayest Cities in America. But we need only to tell you (spoiler alert!) that Salt Lake City is ranked number one in order to convince you that our own status means nothing. Before you roll down the windows in your Prius, blast Lady Gaga and flock to There Urban Whiskey Bar to celebrate the city's victory, check out this second list -- ours -- running down the greatest flaws and biggest surprises of this list based on "totally accurate if decidedly subjective criteria." (Read: throwing darts at a map.)

Before you read through it and then object to most of the points inside of it, please note that even the list's creators joke about its credibility. (And in the first paragraph, no less.) And before you scour this list for how high San Francisco ranked, please note that this list is not for actual cities. No, it covers "less expected locales," a list that somehow includes Seattle.

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These are the criteria. No, really.
Ten things worth noting about this half-baked rundown:
10. Seattle earns bigger clout for gay and brilliant writer Dan Savage living there, but his syndicated column, Savage Love, is also in Westword on a weekly basis. This means Denver is missing at least half a point.

9. According to the staff at The Advocate, Denver does not count as a metropolis.

8. Somehow we were beaten by both Grand Rapids, Michigan and Salt Lake City. Thank god we topped Eugene, Oregon, though. Because that would be embarrassing.

7. Did we mention that Salt Lake City made number one?

6. Apparently, Utah's gay mecca includes at least six entire "hot spots for men and women," which is clearly what pushed it an entire fourteen spots past us.

5. Fortunately, Denver does have nude yoga.

4. If we had a WNBA team or more International Mr. Leather competition semifinalists, we would likely have ranked higher. Those are actual judging criteria -- we're not lying.

3. Here you can spend your days "skiing, fishing, hunting, or camping with the fit locals," all of which rank on The Advocate's gaydar. So Denver is basically the cowboy in the Village People.

2. Other than a few clubs that can be found by Googling "gay Denver" (seriously, we tried), our 85-word blurb includes none of the city's notable gay culture. (Eight of those words are devoted to bashing Colorado Springs.)

1. What the hell is "camping of another sort"? Somehow, that did not make it on Westword's 2011 sex survey.

More from our Politics archives: "Jared Polis wants investigation into abuse of LGBT immigrants in detention."


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11 comments
Dave Thomas
Dave Thomas

What's with the animosity, Westword? And to correct your complete BS, there was a more scientific analysis based on census data by UCLA demographer, Gary Gates. Denver is the 13th gayest city in the Union. There are other studies out there that confirm Denver's top-20 ranking. And just for the record, I'm straight and this blog is uniformed, border-line homophobic crap. Do some research before blowing hot air about gays, Kelsey Whipple! What are you? Defending Denver's heterosexuality? This post is plain weird.

it's your problem not mine
it's your problem not mine

Nothing more irritating than Gay people. They wonder why people hate them but they never shut up about being gay. Nobody wants to hear if your gay or not just shut up and go away and nobody will care about your sexual abnormality.  If you keep telling us how Gay you are, prance around in the street with feathers and G strings, have perez hilton as your spokesfag and demand to be treated as equals then start acting like everyone else and nobody will care what you do. I don't hate you because you're gay I hate you because you act like a weirdo.

It's Jenn again...
It's Jenn again...

Salt Lake City, huh?

I would wholeheartedly agree with SLC being the #1 gayest city IF the judging criteria included "City where married Mormon men who aren't gay sneak off to clubs and city parks, or constantly post ads under Craigslist casual encounters in order to obtain any/all homosexual activity they can, but if you ask them they aren't gay at all....no really not gay...."

If this were a list of the openly gayest cities, then SLC would be riding the bottom...(not fond of puns but in this case...)

your slip is showing
your slip is showing

According to a 1996 University of Georgia study, many homophobes are actually latent homosexuals.  See above for a classic example.  

Stan
Stan

," said the closet homosexual internet troll.

Michael Roberts
Michael Roberts

Quite the take, Jenn -- one we're going to make an upcoming Comment of the Day. Congrats.

Logical
Logical

I never understood responses like this one and from "your slip is showing." 

Is it intended to insult someone by calling them a closet homosexual?  Is being homosexual insulting?  

If it is just intended to insult the recipient, but not intended for others reading it to consider it an insult directed to recipient, then what good is it as an insult?  You're just perpetuating It's Your Problem's belief that being gay is bad, by using being gay as an insult.

How about an alternative directed to It's Your Problem;  I don't hate you because you hate and fear homosexuals, I hate you because you're stupid and want everyone to act like you.

Monkey
Monkey

You people are funny. Vegetarians that tell anyone who will listen to stop eating meat must be secretly eating cheeseburgers in the closet right? If they don't agree with you in the open they must agree with you privately right? I guess gay people who make fun of "breeders" must secretly be straight.

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