Ten reasons Tim Tebow is the most desirable celebrity neighbor

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Hello, neighbor.
Evidence is mounting that Tim Tebow is a crappy quarterback. He has thrown four interceptions versus the Buffalo Bills and completed 27 percent of his passes in Sunday's loss to the Kansas City Chiefs. But that doesn't mean people think he's a bad guy. In fact, in something called the Zillow Celebrity Neighbor Survey, Tebow was voted the most desirable celebrity neighbor, grabbing 11 percent of adults surveyed, edging Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, at 10 percent. Why did he win? Here are our ten best guesses:

10. He's a virgin: As far as we know, the Chosen One is still saving himself for marriage. That means no late-night booty calls, baby-mama drama, lady pyramids on the front lawn or uncomfortable wife-swap proposals.

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9. Neighborhood football games: When it comes time for your street to challenge the next block in flag football, you'll have a secret weapon. Sure, your team will take a beating for the first three quarters, but come crunch time, Tebow will start running over that guy who never shovels his sidewalk and stiff-arming housewives to the ground.

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8. Talk about a great designated driver: Say you've had a rough Tuesday morning and you're about six beers deep -- but you really need to make it to a doctor's appointment, pick up your kids at school or get a lift back to the liquor store. Well, Mr. Tebow is definitely sober and surely generous enough to help out any neighbor. Even one who's done a little sinning.

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7. He's an on-call savior: It's like living next to a modern-day Noah. If a disaster of biblical proportions comes sweeping through your neighborhood, guess who has room on his ark for you, your dog and your exotic snake? That's right: Tim Fucking Tebow.

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Denver Broncos
6. Athletic advice: The coach of your son's pee-wee football team is a nice guy and all, but he's not a professional football player. Luckily, you have one of those living right down the street. When your son starts chucking the pigskin around, have Timmy come over for a quick throwing-motion demonstration, and your kid will have a firsthand example of what not to do.

Page down for the top five.


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novenator
novenator

I'd only like him as a neighbor so I could egg his house more easily

hengdoo
hengdoo

Sounds like a plan to me dude, wow I like it.www.Total-Privacy dot US

Mikoe Wozz
Mikoe Wozz

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newman8520
newman8520

 Excellent Kyle.  Youhit many of the key points as to why my close buddy, Dan Caplis, must belobbying hard (behind the scenes, of course) to have Tebow move into Danny’s suburbanenclave.  (Versus Dan’s own vow to moveto the inner city he boasted about when Aimee moved out of the spotlight—yeah,that and many other Caplis pronouncements are going to happen…)

Once Timothy is firmly settled in, there would be lesspressure when Dan attends those neighborhood touch football games when his defibrillatorcomes in more than handy  (But we’restill waiting on Dan’s exact $ettlement details he promised after the tragichigh school football death that caused him to carry around a defibrillator and takeup that very good cause).  If Dan can’t heroicallysave a neighbor’s life again next time, Tim Tebow miraculously will.  It is a good backup plan.

And with Tebow as a neighbor, then Caplis, no stranger toimproper self-promotion, won’t have to shamelessly plug the quarterback school,its coach, and others that he is using to groom his son, apparently to becomeCU’s football’s own savior someday.   Dan’sglommed on to QB’s and others on his radio show,  so what could be better than a few freelessons in quarterbacking, abstinence, and overt religiosity if Timmy was downthe street and part of the inner Caplis cabal? 

Dan says he’s never met Tebow yet, but with ads done by hislaw office citing Tebow’s charity, even if it is a limited contributions vs.the grand gesture it sounds like on-air, he still must have a distinctadvantage in the neighborhood sweepstakes, already.  And with the Tebow-Worship-Hour following theBash-Obama-Hour on his daily show, Dan must have a shot at bagging Tim as aneighbor.  Besides, Dan and Tim lockedeyes in a mall store a Christmas or two ago, if memory serves.  They were only six inches apart while theywere both looking at electronics products, recalling Dan’s recollection, from oneof his many “Danecdotes” on-air.  Maybe theywill rekindle that moving moment someday.

And, if Tim ever did some shirtless Gethsemane gardening downDanno’s street while contemplating a disastrous day on the football field,maybe that sight alone would lessen Aimee’s crush on that heathen lefty George Clooney,and then her love, adoration, and drool for Tebow  could equal her husband’s.  Well, come closer to it, at least.   (BTW, these are cheap shots at Dan, not hisfamily.  I’m sure his wife is still talentedand smokin’ hot, and his kids sound smart and wonderful when they’re on thepublic’s airwaves.) JMO

Michael Roberts
Michael Roberts

You paint quite a picture, Newman. Thanks for the post.

newman8520
newman8520

Hi Michael,

 

I just try to lookbehind all the whitewash that Caplis uses to mask the clear picture of him.  But in any case some comments about Caplis mayoften be very factual even if they might include a bit of whimsical bluster.

 

The actual Gospel According to Caplison The Caplis & Silverman Show 23Dec2010

 

 Caplis:

 

“….So we’re out at the mall, we’re out there, Park Meadows, andwe’re in the Apple Store, we’re doing our thing and were sort of tucked in theback of the store, back by headphones, and so we’re lookin’ real close at theseheadphones, by the way very, very cool headphones, they don’t pay me to endorsethis I wish they did… 

 

…anyway we're backthere sort of  looking at those and then, um, all the sudden there’s thisguy, like six inches from me, ah, look out the corner of my eye, he’s got thishat pulled down way over his face and baggy clothes, baggy sweats, everythingelse, and I look over, and say OK , yeah, its Tim Tebow.  So you know were’ looking at the sameheadphones and you know, OUR EYES CAUGHT, and you know, clearly Tim Tebow isjust a saint….”

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