Tim Tebow: The ten crappiest pieces of Chosen One merch on Craigslist

tebow oil portrait2.jpg
Whoever thought it would be awesome to paint a $300 portrait of Mickey Mouse as Tim Tebow is only slightly less credible than the person who will buy that painting. One step above them is the Disney lawyer who will ask that the painting be destroyed, but way (way) above them is the football god himself. The man's name is in almost every commercial, talk show, news report and even Craiglist ad in the mediasphere. So we thought we'd save you some time finding it. Below are the ten crappiest (and probably most illegal) pieces of Tebow merch on Craigslist.

To make our search easiest, we focused on only the items available on Craigslist in Tebow's football home. Unfortunately, this excludes that person who tried to sell envelopes postmarked the day Tebow was born and modeling opportunities for you to have your nude body painted like his jersey.

tebow candycane.jpg
10. Hideous stuffed candycanes
Craigslist users will invoke the holy name of Tebow to sell literally anything. (I'm pretty sure this purple office chair has nothing to do with our football star.) Elsewhere on the site, the quarterback comes into play with someone in Federal Heights' attempt to sell "Chinese silver pandas." At $749, this Tebow time sale is not a very good deal. And there's more than one.

jews for tebow.jpg
9. Jews for Tebow merch
Even if Jesus really isn't your thing, Tebow still can be. Case in point: Buy this T-shirt and you can celebrate both Judaism and Tebowism. And if you're broligious, there's a shirt for you, too.

tebow baby jumper.jpg
8. Handmade Tebow baby sweater
For all the tiny Tebow tots out there, this person has created not one but two miniature hipster sweaters for his shorter fans. At $60, they're both stylish and handy when the snow outside is taller than your child.

tebow oil portrait.jpg
7. Ridiculous Tebow oil painting (for $4,500)
For more than a lot of used cars, you can purchase this one-of-a-kind and strangely small portrait of Tebow in his pre-Heisman days. If you like your sports art more abstract, try this one. Or maybe this portrait of Mickey Mouse as Tebow. Or this sketch of him having an aneurysm. If you like it enormous, there's always this 6-foot-tall version.

tebow earrings.jpg
6. Tebow earrings
The first thing we wondered when Tebowdom hit the pinnacle of media hype was: Sure, that dude is cool, but how can I get him on my face? How can I carry a tiny piece of him around with me on my body at all times? After turning down a few creepier options, we found these earrings, which can be purchased by giving someone in Frisco, Texas $4.

Page down to check out our top five.

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TR
TR

This is classic, take a look at what a friend sent me about Tim Tebow and Nostradamus’ predictions: https://sites.google.com/site/...  Nostradamus predicted a Tim Tebow Super Bowl Victory!  Long lost text of Nostradamus has recently been unearthed. Lo and behold, a few of them seem to be referring to Tim Tebow. Take a look at these two quatrains which Nostradamus wrote in Old French sometime in the mid-1500s:   The Prophecies; 11.1 412 Le cheval jeune, le vieux surmontera,  Et les onze contens seront unis ensemble, En caige de fer le grande fera treisner,  Entree l’coupole du palais, sera prins l’or.   TRANSLATION: LINE 1: HE YOUNG HORSE SHALL OVERCOME THE OLDER,  LINE 2: AND ELEVEN PARTICIPANTS WILL UNITE TOGETHER,  LINE 3: IN ARMOR OF STEEL THEY WILL MAKE THE GREAT ASSAULT,  LINE 4: ENTERING THE DOME, THEY WILL SEIZE THE GOLD.    INTERPRETATION: LINE 1: Tebow plays for the Denver Broncos. The older may refer to John Elway LINE 2: There are 11 players on each side of the football field LINE 3: Football helmets and pads are often called “armor” LINE 4: Both this year’s and next year’s Super Bowl is played in a dome!   The Prophecies; 11.1 417 Un leader de lumière apprendre son fort, la levée des hommes dans sa fraternité  Qui onc ne feut si gentillesse, Sceptiques durance les tiendra 'agenouillent comme lui.   TRANSLATION: LINE 1: A LEADER OF LIGHT WILL LEARN OF HIS STRENGTH, LINE 2: LIFTING THE MEN IN HIS BROTHERHOOD, LINE 3: NEVER WAS THERE ONE FILLED WITH SUCH KINDNESS, LINE 4: DOUBTERS THAT FOR LONG THEY SHALL KNEEL LIKE HIM.   INTERPRETATION: LINE 1: Tim Tebow is often referred to as a leader LINE 2: Many in his team call Tebow inspirational LINE 3: Tebow is considered one of the kindest people on Earth LINE 4: He has many doubters, and people everywhere are “Tebowing”...lessUser ID:http://sportsnation.espn.go.co... 

TR
TR

Take a look at what I just saw on Facebook:  LONG LOST NOSTRADAMUS TEXT PREDICTS THAT TIM TEBOW WILL WIN A SUPER BOWL !!!!!!!!!  Nostradamus predicted a Tim Tebow Super Bowl Victory! Long lost text of Nostradamus has recently been unearthed. Lo and behold, a few of them seem to be referring to Tim Tebow. Take a look at these two quatrains which Nostradamus wrote in Old French sometime in the mid-1500s:  The Prophecies; 11.1 412 Le cheval jeune, le vieux surmontera, Et les onze contens seront unis ensemble, En caige de fer le grande fera treisner, Entree l’coupole du palais, sera prins l’or.  TRANSLATION: LINE 1: HE YOUNG HORSE SHALL OVERCOME THE OLDER, LINE 2: AND ELEVEN PARTICIPANTS WILL UNITE TOGETHER, LINE 3: IN ARMOR OF STEEL THEY WILL MAKE THE GREAT ASSAULT, LINE 4: ENTERING THE DOME, THEY WILL SEIZE THE GOLD.  INTERPRETATION: LINE 1: Tebow plays for the Denver Broncos. The older may refer to John Elway LINE 2: There are 11 players on each side of the football field LINE 3: Football helmets and pads are often called “armor” LINE 4: Both this year’s and next year’s Super Bowl is played in a dome!  The Prophecies; 11.1 417 Un leader de lumière apprendre son fort, la levée des hommes dans sa fraternité Qui onc ne feut si gentillesse, Sceptiques durance les tiendra 'agenouillent comme lui.  TRANSLATION: LINE 1: A LEADER OF LIGHT WILL LEARN OF HIS STRENGTH, LINE 2: LIFTING THE MEN IN HIS BROTHERHOOD, LINE 3: NEVER WAS THERE ONE FILLED WITH SUCH KINDNESS, LINE 4: DOUBTERS THAT FOR LONG THEY SHALL KNEEL LIKE HIM.  INTERPRETATION: LINE 1: Tim Tebow is often referred to as a leader LINE 2: Many in his team call Tebow inspirational LINE 3: Tebow is considered one of the kindest people on Earth LINE 4: He has many doubters, and people everywhere are “Tebowing” ...lessUser ID:http://sportsnation.espn.go.co...24 Seconds Ago · Like · Reply · Flag · Edit

Nostradamus predicted a Tim Tebow Super Bowl Victory! Long lost text of Nostradamus has recently been unearthed.  Lo and behold, a few of them seem to be referring to Tim Tebow.  Take a lookat these two quatrains which Nostradamus wrote in Old French sometime in the mid-1500s:

The Prophecies; 11.1 412Le cheval jeune, le vieux surmontera, Et les onze contens seront unis ensemble,En caige de fer le grande fera treisner, Entree l’coupole du palais, sera prins l’or.

TRANSLATION:LINE 1:  HE YOUNG HORSE SHALL OVERCOME THE OLDER, LINE 2:  AND ELEVEN PARTICIPANTS WILL UNITE TOGETHER, LINE 3:  IN ARMOR OF STEEL THEY WILL MAKE THE GREATASSAULT, LINE 4:  ENTERING THE DOME, THEY WILL SEIZE THE GOLD.

INTERPRETATION:LINE 1: Tebow plays for the Denver Broncos.  Theolder may refer to John ElwayLINE 2: There are 11 players on each side of thefootball fieldLINE 3: Football helmets and pads are often called“armor”LINE 4: Both this year’s and next year’s Super Bowl is played in a dome!

The Prophecies; 11.1 417Un leader de lumière apprendre son fort,la levée des hommes dans sa fraternité Qui onc ne feut si gentillesse,Sceptiques durance les tiendra 'agenouillent comme lui.

TRANSLATION:LINE 1:  A LEADER OF LIGHT WILL LEARN OF HIS STRENGTH,LINE 2:  LIFTING THE MEN IN HIS BROTHERHOOD,LINE 3:  NEVER WAS THERE ONE FILLED WITH SUCHKINDNESS,LINE 4:  DOUBTERS THAT FOR LONG THEY SHALLKNEEL LIKE HIM.

INTERPRETATION:LINE 1:  Tim Tebow is often referred to as a leaderLINE 2:  Many in his team call Tebow inspirationalLINE 3:  Tebow is considered one of the kindest people on EarthLINE 4:  He has many doubters, and people everywhere are “Tebowing” 

Trwesson2
Trwesson2

This is classic, take a look at what a friend sent me about Tim Tebow and Nostradamus’ predictions: https://sites.google.com/site/...

Nostradamus predicted a Tim Tebow Super Bowl Victory! Long lost text of Nostradamus has recently been unearthed.  Lo and behold, a few of them seem to be referring to Tim Tebow.  Take a look at these two quatrains which Nostradamus wrote in Old French sometime in the mid-1500s:

The Prophecies; 11.1 412Le cheval jeune, le vieux surmontera, Et les onze contens seront unis ensemble,En caige de fer le grande fera treisner, Entree l’coupole du palais, sera prins l’or. TRANSLATION:LINE 1:  HE YOUNG HORSE SHALL OVERCOME THE OLDER, LINE 2:  AND ELEVEN PARTICIPANTS WILL UNITE TOGETHER, LINE 3:  IN ARMOR OF STEEL THEY WILL MAKE THE GREAT ASSAULT, LINE 4:  ENTERING THE DOME, THEY WILL SEIZE THE GOLD.  INTERPRETATION:LINE 1: Tebow plays for the Denver Broncos.  The older may refer to John ElwayLINE 2: There are 11 players on each side of the football fieldLINE 3: Football helmets and pads are often called “armor”LINE 4: Both this year’s and next year’s Super Bowl is played in a dome! The Prophecies; 11.1 417Un leader de lumière apprendre son fort,la levée des hommes dans sa fraternité Qui onc ne feut si gentillesse,Sceptiques durance les tiendra 'agenouillent comme lui. TRANSLATION:LINE 1:  A LEADER OF LIGHT WILL LEARN OF HIS STRENGTH,LINE 2:  LIFTING THE MEN IN HIS BROTHERHOOD,LINE 3:  NEVER WAS THERE ONE FILLED WITH SUCH KINDNESS,LINE 4:  DOUBTERS THAT FOR LONG THEY SHALL KNEEL LIKE HIM. INTERPRETATION:LINE 1:  Tim Tebow is often referred to as a leaderLINE 2:  Many in his team call Tebow inspirationalLINE 3:  Tebow is considered one of the kindest people on EarthLINE 4:  He has many doubters, and people everywhere are “Tebowing”

matt hughes
matt hughes

what's up with tebow mickey's facemask?

Emma
Emma

really Craigslist . . .these look more like they would be found on Etsy

Matt in Boulder
Matt in Boulder

I don't know, I might have to get one of those Jews for Tebow shirts.  I subscribe to any religion but I like the solidarity of that shirt... :-)

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