DIA conspiracy theories should be included in Denver airport's new message

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Mayor Michael Hancock didn't record just one new message for the DIA train -- he recorded six, which are now in rotation. Sadly, none of them are the rap version he tried the first time out, nor do any pay tribute to DIA's most famous feature: conspiracy theories.

The greetings on the train are actually part of a sound piece by Jim Green, an artist commissioned to create them when DIA was first built. The voices are occasionally updated. John Hickenlooper joined the lineup in 2007, with a bossy, anonymous message; his name and title were added in 2008, and since then both Bill Vidal and Hancock have recorded their own mayoral welcome. Hancock's first version was an enthusiastic welcome to Denver; the message I caught on Monday was this one:

"Hello! This is Mayor Michael B. Hancock. Welcome to Denver, the Mile High City. I hope you can catch a game with the fans of our seven professional sports teams."

Here are the scripts for the other five mayoral messages, worked out between DIA, Visit Denver and the mayor's office:

Hello! This is Mayor Michael B. Hancock. Welcome to Denver, the Mile High City. We hope you enjoy our Western hospitality."

"Hello! This is Mayor Michael B. Hancock. Welcome to Denver, the Mile High City. And a special welcome to all our men and women in uniform. Thank you for your service to our country."

"Hello! This is Mayor Michael B. Hancock. Welcome to Denver, the Mile High City. Did you know that Colorado is home to more than 100 breweries? Good times are our business!"

"Hello! This is Mayor Michael B. Hancock. Welcome to Denver, the Mile High City. Denver enjoys 300 days of sunshine each year. Have fun exploring our beautiful state."

"Hello! This is Mayor Michael B. Hancock. Welcome to Denver, the Mile High City. Denver is home to hundreds of museums, theaters, festivals, and the world-famous Red Rocks Amphitheater."

Arts, sunshine, sports: all amenities worth touting. But just imagine how visitors would sit up and take notice if the mayor's message pointed out the real story about Denver International Airport, with something like this:

"Hello! This is Mayor Michael B. Hancock. Welcome to Denver, the Mile High City, home of an airport where hundreds of conspiracy theories have taken off. Watch out for the aliens below the baggage compartment -- and steer clear of the killer horse!"

Have your own suggestion for an appropriate greeting? Post it below.

Are there secret bunkers under Denver International Airport? Read our cover story, "DIA Conspiracy Theories Take Off!"

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eCurmudgeon
eCurmudgeon

Yawn. The only "conspiracy" surrounding DIA had to do with its construction.

Simple fact of the matter is that Stapleton could have been easily expanded to handle more traffic than DIA does now for a fraction of the cost, not to mention that Stapleton was far and away more convenient to get to.

On top of that, the remaining $3 billion or so that would have been saved by not building DIA would have done wonders for improving mass transit in the region.

Robert Chase
Robert Chase

Colorado's leaders are still pushing alcohol and ignoring the benefits of cannabis.

Donkey Hotay
Donkey Hotay

Who elects and tolerates those "leaders" ?

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