Earth Day: Five ways to celebrate that liberals aren't telling you about!

2. Run the heat and/or air-conditioning
Liberals like to complain that American's various implements of climate control, like heat and air-conditioning, are contributing to a phenomenon called "global warming" -- but what's so wrong about that? As anyone with a grain of sense can tell you, it's cold in the winter, which is why we need heat in the first place. So if using it actually increases the temperature of the earth, so much the better, right? Global warming? More like "global climate-control"!

1. Get your freak on -- marriage-style!
The Earth gave us the gift of life, so it stands to reason that the best thing we can do in return is give it back. So call out the wife (or husband) and give her (or him) the old bangerang (for the purpose of procreation only). The more of us there are, the more of us there'll be to lend a helping hand.

More from our Things to Do archive: "50 reasons we're glad we live in Denver and not the United States"