D.J. Williams, Broncos linebacker, is a shmuck of non-human proportions

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D.J. Williams
You don't need a playbook to figure out what is going on inside the head of Denver Broncos linebacker D.J. Williams: nothing.

On Thursday, local journalist John Ingold revealed that Williams has actually flunked not one, but two recent performance-enhancing drug tests. And Number 55 is already facing a six-game suspension in the upcoming football season for the first one.

The information about the second test came out in a lawsuit that Williams has filed against the NFL, challenging the suspension.

Here's part of the story:

Williams also was involved in an incident during a third test in which a bottle fell from his waist area while he was providing a urine sample, according to the documents.

The information adds broader context to Williams' suspension, which the linebacker is currently appealing to the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals in Denver. Last month, when a federal judge rejected Williams' request to overturn the suspension, she sided with the National Football League's argument that "subsequent incidents demonstrated [Williams'] 'common scheme or plan' to manipulate tests."

Even better: Williams sent a sample consisting of non-human urine.

Did he think the NFL wouldn't notice?

Maybe he did. After all, Williams, who has been busted twice for DUI since he became a Bronco, also got into trouble with Bronco Nation (and became a bit of a laughing stock) when he inexplicably tweeted a photo from the squad's playbook. Williams has since taken down that Twitter account. Sadly, he probably still has the playbook.

Perhaps it's time to take it away.

More from our Shmuck archive: "Nederland officials throw a shmucky wet blanket on Fourth fun."

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This is the guy who date raped the girl who aborted his baby right???


There's no incentive for these guys not to use performance-enhancing drugs.  Before they're ever caught, they earn 20+ million dollars, and that money will never be taken away, even when proven guilty.   Mr. Shikes, if you could make enough money in three years writing for Westword to take care of the next three generations of your family by using performance-enhancing drugs, would you NOT do it? In a society that values amassing wealth any way possible over demonstrating ethics or living honorably, who exactly is surprised by these actions?  44% of this country, right now, is prepared to vote for a man who has made untold amounts of money provide zero useful purpose to society, all the while evading his fair share of taxes through countless offshore accounts.  $$ > Integrity


Your article is all true, but he's also been in the top 3 for tackles, as well as a team leader on defense.  In this country, you should know that performance is what matters... not if the person is a piece of shit or not.

Donkey Hotay
Donkey Hotay

HipTip: schmuck With the appropriate glottal cat-hacking-a-hairball pronunciation.

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