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Tammy Theis, state rep candidate, has shmucky explanations for shoplifting and more

tammy theis.jpg
Tammy Theis.
How did Tammy Theis commemorate the day she officially became a candidate for House District 58? With a citation for shoplifting from a Montrose grocery store.

Theis admits having taken the items in question -- by accident, she insists. She has an explanation for a previous run-in with the law, too. And in answer to your unasked question: At this writing, she's yet to drop out of the race.

On September 6, according to the Grand Junction Daily Sentinel, Theis was stopped by security while exiting a City Market store in Montrose. She told the paper she'd put a number of items in an empty box below the cart's main basket, but then put two cases of bottled water on top of them and forgot what was underneath when it came time to pay. She'd been collecting boxes to help her father move into an assisted living center, she added.

Theis was issued a summons on suspicion of theft less than $500, yet her explanation sounds plausible -- maybe because she's had some practice coming up with excuses for breaking the law. In November, the Sentinel reports, she was cited for driving under the influence of alcohol, having an open container and weaving in traffic.

Her erratic driving was affected by painkillers she was on, she told the paper; she'd recently had surgery. But she'd mixed this medication with beer, which she conceded was poor judgment she acknowledged by eventually pleading guilty to a single count of driving while ability impaired. In her words, "It's just another example that I am human."

No denying that. But whether other humans will vote for her despite her two recent adventures is quite another question.

More from our Shmuck of the Week archive: "Charles Bush busted for allegedly stealing his neighbor's sex toys."


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8 comments
Dennis Scott
Dennis Scott

And she wants to get into government so she can tell the rest of us how to live our lives.

Mannick D Pres-Saint
Mannick D Pres-Saint

Dissett, you probably just described about a 1/4 of the entire political aristocracy at every level of govt.

Jim Dissett
Jim Dissett

So she was on pain killers. And then decided to drink? And then decided to drive? Seems like perfectly sound judgment to me -- and just the kind of thinking we need in the state legislature.

BrianMartinez
BrianMartinez

Why wouldn't people vote for her?  She'll fit right in with the den of thieves on Capitol Hill!

kwame
kwame

LOL, how do you even get caught not paying fot items in a self checkout? I use self checkout everytime, that way I can steal all sorts of shit. Its great. If they catch up w/ you, you just say "whoops." How on Earth did she fuck that up? If she has that hard of a time being deceptive she will make a perfect public servent!! 

Juan_Leg
Juan_Leg

We sit here DAILY and BITCH ABOUT EVERY LAW ENFORCEMENT agency & we DARE pass judgement on this woman now ?

I WILL TAKE NO PART OF THIS & welcome her campaign info . I DO get involved every four years and I  have time . I'm sure Ms .Theis is monitoring this article . ( I know I'd be..... ) ,

Please email w/ your info & perhaps I can help you pose the same question to others.

Tyler Hawkins

juan_leg@yahoo.com

michael.roberts
michael.roberts moderator editortopcommenter

 @BrianMartinez I don't know if that'll look very good on a bumper sticker, Brian. Thanks for the post.

The_Yeti_Knows
The_Yeti_Knows

Sounds like you been into the oxys and buds too dude..... hey, grab me a couple dvd's at walmart later, k?@Juan_Leg

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