Goldfish, Amendment 64 mascot, could be an endangered species thanks to lawsuit

goldfish pepperidge farm.jpg
The defendant.
Late on November 6, after Coloradans had voted overwhelmingly to legalize recreational use of marijuana, Governor John Hickenlooper warned that given federal law, the state's residents shouldn't "break out the Cheetos or Goldfish too quickly." But that very day, as it turns out, another Coloradan had taken aim at one of our unofficial snack foods.

Goldfish are now an endangered species.

Only hours before late-night comics across the country began cracking wise over Hickenlooper's Cheetos and Goldfish quote, Aspen resident Sonya Bolerjack had filed a class-action complaint against Pepperidge Farm, Inc., in United States District Court, District of Colorado, charging that its Cheddar Goldfish Baked Snack Crackers are not "natural," as advertised on the package. Here's the start of that suit, on view below in its entirety:

1. Defendant has made false, misleading statements that are likely to deceive reasonable consumers. Defendant has mistakenly or misleadingly represented that its Cheddar Goldfish crackers (the "Product") are "Natural," when, in fact, they are not, because they contain Genetically Modified Organisms (GMOs) in the form of soy and/or soy derivatives.

2. Defendant's "Natural" statement prominently displayed on the Product's packaging and/or labeling is false, misleading, and likely to deceive reasonable consumers, such as Plaintiff and members of the Class, because the Product is not "Natural," due to the presence of soybean oil in the Product."

3. GMOs are plants that grow from seeds in which DNA splicing has been used to place genes from another source into a plant. Contrary to Defendants's express or implied representations, the Product uses plants or plant derivatives grown or created from GMOs."

There's more, of course, but it all adds up to the fact that Bolerjack believes she, and any other plaintiffs who sign on to this action, deserve $5 million in compensation from Pepperidge Farm.

This comes as a body blow to lovers of the snack crackers, stoners included, who are not particularly good about reading labels when they have the munchies.

It also could present a major obstacle to our campaign to have Cheetos and Goldfish named the official State Snacks, joining a noble lineup that already includes the State Fossil, the State Tartan and the State Dance (square).

Now, like the implementation of Amendment 64, the future of Goldfish becames a matter for the law.

Read the complete lawsuit below.

Sonya Bolerjack v Pepperidge Farm Inc

More from our Calhoun: Wake-Up Call archive: "John Hickenlooper cites Cheetos, Goldfish when Amendment 64 passes: Official state munchies?"

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9 comments
KathleenChippi
KathleenChippi topcommenter

wow--so read through and substitute in A64 and the word legalization, or 10,000 arrests or like alcohol into all three and drop the goldfish--and now realize that the FRAUD on Colorado voters being marketed an "end to marijuana prohibition"  will cause people to lose jobs, child custody, guns, homes, insurance, occupational licenses, gov aid and even their freedom...............JHC!

1. Defendant has made false, misleading statements that are likely to deceive reasonable consumers.  Defendant has mistakenly or misleadinglyrepresented that its Cheddar Goldfish crackers (the "Product") are"Natural," when, in fact, they are not, because they contain GeneticallyModified Organisms (GMOs) in the form of soy and/or soy derivatives.2. Defendant's "Natural" statement prominently displayed on theProduct's packaging and/or labeling is false, misleading, and likely todeceive reasonable consumers, such as Plaintiff and members of theClass, because the Product is not "Natural," due to the presence ofsoybean oil in the Product."3. GMOs are plants that grow from seeds in which DNA splicing hasbeen used to place genes from another source into a plant. Contrary toDefendants's express or implied representations, the Product uses plantsor plant derivatives grown or created from GMOs."

Tim Tindle
Tim Tindle

The goldfish comment pisses me off. Fuck off stereotypers. I eat clean food.

Russell Lott
Russell Lott

well, yes, Goldfish do not grow on trees, so they are not natural ... but it really seems Sonya Bolerjack got a jump on smokin' something ...

DonkeyHotay
DonkeyHotay topcommenter

Wow! ... that same complaint alleging Fraud and Deception could be brought against the Lying Liars and Paid Prevaricating Pimps who promoted the bogus A64.

edkieta11
edkieta11

Colorado is in the midst of an historic moment that could have massive implications for the future of health care, the economy, jobs, etc, and what westword finds relevant in all of this is an insignificant lawsuit regarding goldfish snacks??? I love you guys but come on, Patty, ... You're missing the significance of the moment!!

davebarnes
davebarnes topcommenter

Here is the good news.

In order for Sonya Bolerjack's lawsuit to have standing, she actually had to consume a Goldfish. So, when, she starts growing a 3rd arm, she will be a lot more worried about that then pursuing this cracker case in court.

coloradommjpatient
coloradommjpatient

Great story for the editor of the paper Patty! This industry has pumped $MILLION$ into your publication and your pockets and we still cannot get any real investigative journalism...

Here are some ideas:

1. Asking Chickenlooper why he has not signed this bill

2. Investigating heavy fertilizer & pesticide use by MMCs and its effect on patient health

3. Caregivers being told to self incriminate themselves with DOR & MMED forms

4. Why doesn't Chickenlooper release CORA info on correspondence with DOJ

5. Why is Dan May wasting taxpayer money to prosecute patients? Or how much money has he wasted.

6. ANY coverage on Cash Hyde and his contribution to medical cannabis

That is just off the top of my head. There are many more interesting stories other than goldfish...

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