Five guys Ken Salazar should offer to punch out

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Rex Tillerson.
4. Rex Tillerson. ExxonMobile CEO Tillerson isn't exactly a climate-change denier, like many of his colleagues in the fossil-fuel business. No, he's a climate-change minimizer, whose upbeat remarks at a Council on Foreign Relations gathering earlier this year assured us all that future upheavals in weather and food production present an "engineering problem" with "engineering solutions," and that mankind will simply adapt to...whatever's left. If Salazar really wants to see his agency lead the way in developing renewable-energy projects and slowing the pace of global warming, he could start by bitch-slapping some sustainable sense into Tillerson.

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Cory Gardner.
3. Cory Gardner. Well-lubricated by campaign donations from the oil and gas industry, Colorado's most pugnacious congressperson has been on Salazar's case for months, decrying the government red tape that supposedly hinders bold entrepreneurs (cf. Rex Tillerson, above) from drilling with abandon on public lands. He's also fuming over federal forest management and wild fires. (Here's a video of him unloading on some Salazar minions on that issue.) This feud might best be settled by a cage match in a blazing wilderness area, or maybe in a parking lot surrounded by a moat of smoldering crude oil.

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He has the, " I'm needed back on the ranch . ", excuse he 'believes' to save face with, once he is RAN !

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