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I went to jail for skateboarding, and all I got was this sweet mug shot

Categories: Mug Shots, Videos

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At around 3:30 a.m., another detainee and I were finally escorted to our cell, C-115, in C Block. This is where I would spend some real hard time...almost ten hours' worth.

That gave me plenty of time to chat with my cellmate, Brandon. He inquired what I was in for, then quieted down as I made my bed with two sheets and a single blanket that seemed better suited for a museum display that would show people what General Jeffrey Amherst gave to the American Indians at Fort Pitt. Seriously, the blanket smelled like mothballs and was as ragged as an old sweater. I finally fell asleep, but was soon awakened by the sound of doors unlocking: Chow time.

After that, I fell back asleep -- but was soon awakened by the call for 8 a.m. court. That was the time listed on my paperwork, but apparently that note didn't make it to the sheriff overseeing C-Block. Instead, I had to wait two more hours until 10 a.m. court. While I waited, I walked around my cell singing what parts I could remember from Les Miserables -- mostly "Look Down" and "Stars" -- and tried to find a connection to "prisoner 24601." The closest thing I had was my booking number, 126442, so I changed the lyrics and commenced singing my sorrows through the eyes of Victor Hugo's famous characters.

Finally I was called to the 10 a.m. court along with a large group of people I perceived to be real criminals. Shirts tucked, we walked down to the observation room, where we would be judged through thick panes of glass by family and friends as well as Judge James Breese. (It was here that I realized how important my vote is during the election of judges.)

After a few females who were arrested for solicitation and a few guys who were charged with open containers in public, domestic violence and more people-on-people crimes, I was called to the microphone.

"For the charges of skateboarding on the 16th Street Mall and interference with police business, how do you plead?" Judge Breese asked.

"Guilty, Your Honor." I replied.

"Are you making this decision out of your own free will, with a clear mind, and not on any medications or drugs?"

I really wanted to say "I wish!" But instead, I just responded "Yes, Your Honor."

"Is there anything you would like to say in your defense?" he asked.

You bet. As I explained the background around the interference charge, the judge read the first few lines of notes outlining how I had defied the police officers' requests, and that I was not following their orders. Then the judge said those magic words: "Time served."

I was instructed to leave the room, given a lunch, and sent back to my cell to eat it. What could be in the paper bag? I was thinking a sandwich of sorts, but the bread turned out to be a cross between sweaty gym socks and the cheapest possible flour-yeast-water concoction; between the slices was a piece of pink, processed indigestion. I took two bites and trashed the rest, then slugged the 3.5 ounces of milk provided -- in one gulp.

After that, we finally got communal time -- which was good, because I was bored of doing pushups and situps and singing my altered lyrics to Les Miserables. Instead, I shot some hoops with a young lad named Brandon, who had a mean sky hook. I also played chess with a guy named Dave, and then with Brandon. I won both games, but both opponents put up a good fight. We were ordered back to our cells around 1:20 p.m. I took a nap until I was called -- time to go.

At this point, it was four hours after the judge had uttered those precious words, "time served."

What a waste of time.

From our archives: "You'll be stir-crazy after spending the night in Denver's new jail."

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30 comments
reader534
reader534

The technical term for your arrest was "being a douchbag." You knew it was illegal, you didn't stop when the cop signaled you, and you gave the cops shit.  So I think the entire system worked perfectly, and I'm betting you don't do THAT again.

jenna-furrr
jenna-furrr topcommenter

I dunno, haters--I feel like his civil rights were violated based on that sack lunch alone.

jenna-furrr
jenna-furrr topcommenter

Britt, I love you so much for this. : ) And BTW--trying to use "I'm a freelance journalist" never works for me at the DMV, the dry cleaners, or Taco Bell.

Juan_Leg
Juan_Leg

Not the responses this douche-bag was expecting from this piece, I'm sure .

In his mid he believed himself to be a sort of 'crusader' & would be elevated as the 'voice' for the citizens .

Perhaps if he had been wearing a 'Teblow' jersey . Do we see politics in this 'victim's' future ? What a fucking joke ALL around !!!

chrismcdiddy01
chrismcdiddy01

The only waste of time was all of us reading this piece of shit. You, sir, are an entitled ass.

RevBF
RevBF

I've been arrested 9 times for various things I felt were fun in my youth and at about the 2nd time you realize that you don't pull a snarky, entitled attitude like that of, "I'm just fine standing." You say your yes sirs, no sirs, yes maams and no maams and 9 times out of 10 DPD will just let you go. I've had nothing but good run-ins with DPD even when I was being a belligerent shithead. You're lucky you didn't get caught by Arapahoe County Police because you certainly would have spent more time in jail and they wouldn't have made it fun. It's called trying to teach people a lesson so they DONT break the law again like you so blatantly did even knowing full well it was wrong. Didn't your parents teach you manners?

You do make a valid point though - even if it wasn't your intention. Attitudes like yours are exactly why there are problems on the streets, even if yours was just a minor violation. Why can YOU skateboard and others can't? Is it that because you're a freelance journalist (believe me, that title doesn't hold water - I know what you get paid - I write for Westword too) you have certain rights that others don't? The entitlement of everyone is what's wrong and unfortunately the repercussions of such attitudes are why there's very little respect for anything, officers not withstanding. 

I've made it a goal of mine to not be arrested in the double digits and at 30 yrs old, I can say it's probably likely because not only do I follow the rules that need to be followed (read: don't skateboard where it says don't skateboard. If you want to be a super cool rebel do it where nobody sees and where you won't get caught), I also know how not to get caught enjoying the things I want to.  Meet any of the criminals in county? Yeah, they're the stupid ones who get caught. Lesson learned.

What a joke...

Charlie Whiskey
Charlie Whiskey

Cops suck and are horrible human beings. What's new?

Stephen At Half Aspen
Stephen At Half Aspen

I'm far more concerned about the lack of professionalism shown by the DPD officers at the scene than the writer's treatment in jail, the later seeming typical. Their conduct, if as described, may be lawful but far from professional and that can lead to resistance by those subject to arrest. Action versus reaction. Obviously the DPD is failing by not enforcing professional conduct and that has never proven wise in the long run. Time will tell if there's a problem or not as you'll see a growing lack of respect and with that, increasing incidents of resistance. Sad for all.

murban88
murban88

I saw you  getting arrested (on the ground) walking back that night from class.  I walked right past you guys, you were pretty belligerent it seemed, but even so fuck the police...especially if this was over skateboarding.  Kind of cool follow-up for me.

Marcus Garcia
Marcus Garcia

The comments on Westword site show just how many stupid assholes there are in this town.fortunately for them their views are supported by the biggest street gang in this town the DPD.One day a real rain will come & wash all the pieces of shit away & they won't all be on skateboards or bicycles...cheers to you my man.skate or die!!

Leah Ryan
Leah Ryan

Denver cops CLEARLY have nothing better to do with their time other than harassing normal ass folk and bending the law when they want. Way to go coppas! You guys are awesome. Sucks that your writer man had to deal with this but it's a great mug shot and good story!

Legen Dairy
Legen Dairy

Damn. Just read the story. That sucks. Jail Sucks. A reason Ill never commit a real crime.

rockiesfever
rockiesfever

No, Donny. I don't have any AXE body spray. Because I'm not a fucking douchebag. 

kill
kill

Oedipalunderwear, you’re a dumbass. My guess is you are probably overweight and like to hate on people for doing active things, woah... i’ve had to deal with shit people like you screaming at football games in bars, so maybe someone banging a skateboard on the sidewalk isn't all that bad. Deal with it. Take a look at both sides of the story dick, maybe we wouldn't have to waist taxpayers money if lazy people wouldn't get so irate about people having fun or getting exercise... f*ck off and let the kid skate.  How would you feel is someone outlawed your favorite pastime.... masturbating. Get a life. 



itsthelawyersstupid
itsthelawyersstupid

your deliberate antics just cost us taxpayers $1,500+ (sstop, arrest, transport, booking, jail, court, release, etc...). your sins will not be absolved until you write a check for the full amount made payable to the local taxpayers. thanks for wasting expensive and valuable resources. after writing the check, and you want to change the laws (aka reefer laws) bribe a politician just like everyone else. making criminal justice system lawyers richer is not the way to make the world better. in fact, it only make things worse for all of us, as the systems lawyers become dependent on the taxpayers income.

OedipalUnderwear
OedipalUnderwear

Well, you broke the law. You knew skateboarding there was illegal, and you did it anyway. If you don't think it SHOULD be illegal, that's fine. But it is.

As someone who’s had to deal with more than a few dicks who decided it’s cool to slam their skateboards as loudly as possible onto the concrete right next me (because that makes them all rebellious and badass and shit) — not to mention all the idiots who have slammed into me because I won’t move when I’m appropriately walking along a sidewalk — I’m having a trouble mustering up sympathy for your plight.

Journalists are being detained, assaulted and murdered all over the world for reporting on important things in incredibly dangerous environments. You're whining about spending a night in county for skateboarding.

zz_man
zz_man

Folks - this is why cousins are not allowed to marry.

AwfullyBrittish
AwfullyBrittish

@dayshabass yea fandangled skooterboarding gettin all arrested

robbr825
robbr825

@DenverWestword writer is an idiot. He knew what he was doing was wrong, got caught, acted like an ass, and takes police procedure from TV

DonkeyHotay
DonkeyHotay topcommenter

 "Here's my first-hand account of being arrested for my choice of transportation -- after taking it for a ride in a place I knew it wasn't allowed."

Stupid is as Stupid does.

HipTip: Don't do the Crime if you can't do the Time.

hth.

SpanishWrangler
SpanishWrangler

You got that right Oedipal! You couldn't have said it any better.

dayshabass
dayshabass

@AwfullyBrittish classic Britt <3 Nice write-up.

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