Matthew Tello's schmucky explanation for trying to strangle cop: 'I'm drunk, it's my birthday'

Matthew Tello's schmucky explanation for trying to strangle cop: "I'm drunk, it's my birthday"

By Westword Fri., Feb. 22 2013 at 12:58 PM

More pics below.

Over our many years of chronicling schmucks, we've noticed that a lot of them were blitzed when they committed the acts that got our attention. But while that might be a good excuse under certain circumstances, it apparently didn't persuade a certain Boulder police officer.

Who Matthew Tello allegedly tried to strangle.

Around 6:40 p.m. on February 17, according to a Boulder police document on view below (it's one of three issued in the case), officers were called to an address on the 3200 block of 28th Street in regard to a report of criminal mischief. Specifically, the owner of a car said her vehicle had been damaged by the passenger of a bicycle ridden by a man later identified as Tello, a 24-year-old CU-Boulder student.

A photo of Tello on his bike.

The owner told the officer she was driving her Kia station wagon out of a KFC parking lot when she heard yelling coming from Tello and the passenger, who was riding on the handlebars. The passenger jumped off the bike, the report says, and began banging his hands on the outside of the woman's car before the two split.

At that point, the woman was too rattled by what happened to come up with a good description of either the cyclist or his pal. But fortunately for her, a couple of witnesses behind her -- a father and son -- got a good look at them and were able to add details of what happened; they saw the passenger kick the car, too, for instance. And then, as if on cue, Tello reportedly returned to ask about a wallet that was apparently lost in the midst of the mayhem. But this item was forgotten when one of the witnesses told Tello (said to be "very intoxicated") that the cops had been called.

He got pissed and took off, but he didn't get far, encountering a female officer in a dirt lot a couple of blocks away.

Where things got even weirder.

Continue for more about Matthew Tello, including photos and a police document.

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Juan_Leg topcommenter

I wish I could strangle a cop for my B-Day !!!

Cognitive_Dissident topcommenter

"But there are no charges related to damaging the car."

Of course not. The cops don't care about that. Screw the victim! To them it's about control. After all that, he'll be doing hard time for Contempt of Cop. He should be held responsible for injuring the cop, if he did. He should also be held responsible for the damage to the car, which he should have to pay for, in full, including any other costs incurred by the owner.

It doesn't really matter whether "he was the one doing the banging and kicking" as he was an accessory. If he wasn't, the cop would be looking at a false arrest (unless they plan on going with the "drunk driving" charge for him riding a bike on private property while drunk.)

Let's just say the cops will do what they always do: make it up as they go along. At least this guy actually harmed someone, so he probably has it coming.

DonkeyHotay topcommenter

1 Like

Who hires a 5'1" woman as a cop?

Cognitive_Dissident topcommenter

@DonkeyHotay THAT is a crime, since you don't seem to know the difference between a crime and a violation of a silly statute. This guy's going away for a long time.