Eric & Jessie Game On: Balls in a jar?

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Photos, videos below.
Last week, our post previewing Eric & Jessie: Game On, the new E Network reality series featuring Broncos receiver Eric Decker and singer Jessie James was subtitled "Don't hate them because they're beautiful." But that may be tough for some of those who caught last night's debut. The show was more or less devoted to admiring the couple's gorgeousness, sans anything resembling dramatic tension. Moreover, James seems much more into the proceedings than does Decker, thereby turning an anecdote about keeping his snipped golden retriever's testicles into a telling metaphor.

E certainly has a track record of turning faux-docs about privileged narcissists into popular television, as the various programs featuring the Kardashians ably demonstrate. But at least those offerings, as well as the mega-hit Duck Dynasty, feature a multiplicity of quirky characters that interact with each other in occasionally entertaining ways.

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One plot line in the debut episode involves the challenges of moving into an enormous mansion. Really.
That's not the case so far with Eric & Jessie, which seldom breaks its focus from the titular twosome -- and the others who occasionally drift into the frame are singularly uninteresting.

There's Sydney, Jessie's beloved sister, a 22-year-old self-described virgin made mildly uncomfortable by matchmaking efforts and willing to wait for a guy who's interested in something other than "vagina." There's Jessie's mom, Karen, whose meanest (read: not mean in the slightest) moments involve her telling her daughter she needs to focus on wedding plans instead of just having fun and suggesting that she may need to alter her wedding dress because her weight has been known to fluctuate. There's a series of interchangeable friends/bridesmaids/hotties required mainly to look at Jessie with adoration. And there's Broncos linebacker Wesley Woodyard (referred to as "Wes," presumably to make him more approachable), seen running through a couple of phony drills with Eric to establish the idea that he's a gridiron pro and not a male model.

None of these characters would make the cut on a grade-C sitcom -- and make no mistake, that's what reality series like this one aspire to be. Moreover, the closest thing to a gag involves Jessie pretending to drink glass cleaner that turns out to be blue Gatorade, a bit that becomes even less hilarious than it would be otherwise thanks to her obsessively self-involved, ain't-I-a-stinker certainty that she's the funniest, most charming person to ever draw breath.

James makes it clear she's devoted to Decker, tearing up during the de rigueur trying-on-the-dress sequence. Yet she also takes delight in working blue (or at least powder blue), commenting on the size of his package -- bet his buddies in the locker room will give him a ration of shit for that -- and rhapsodizing about his hairy butt crack.

Continue for more about Eric & Jessie: Game On, including another photo and four videos.



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11 comments
Aaron Koenigseker
Aaron Koenigseker

Better question: why the hell do people care about what another couple does enough to watch a TV show about them? How narcissistic do you have to be to sign up for one of these shows? A lot.

Lori Gray
Lori Gray

He needs to worry more about his career instead of this stupid reality show. It's messing with his ability to play football and soon he will be a washed up nobody. Get your head in the game dude!

Courtney Donaldson
Courtney Donaldson

Doesn't he have more important BALLS to be worried about since he couldn't catch one during the first 2 games of the season???? There's time to worry about other balls after he retires!!!!

Mark White
Mark White

He better hold on to the ones that get thrown!

Val Weitz
Val Weitz

what? dude keeps dog balls in a jar? its ok to drop a ball sometimes eric.

Sam DeWitt
Sam DeWitt

I'm far more worried about his hands, and his inability to catch balls.

Aundra Thompson
Aundra Thompson

Who makes a news title like this?! Being a committed spouse man or woman requires compromise Your way of thinking is part of why there are so many divorces in the US and kids in broken homes The title sounds like a teenager vs an adult who's grown up

Scott McNulty
Scott McNulty

What? No, I've been looking- he still has them balls. Really Westword??

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