Medical marijuana dispensary review: SOMA Wellness Lounge in Boulder

SOMALOUNGE-SQUARE.jpg

This dispensary has closed.

Some medical dispensaries (and soon-to-be recreational dispensaries) are just begging for a change in laws.

What kind of change? One that would allow people to hang out and puff herb with other patients.

So far, nobody has really stepped up to take that on.

If it does eventually happen, though, I wouldn't be surprised if SOMA Wellness Lounge was leading the charge.

SOMA Wellness Lounge

1810 30th St.
Boulder, CO 80303
720-432-7662
SomaColorado.com

Hours: 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. Monday through Saturday, Noon to 5 p.m. Sunday.
Raw marijuana price range: $7-$8/gram $25-$30/eighth-ounce, $155-$220/ounce. Members receive 10 percent off purchase.
Other types of medicine: BHO, CO2 oil, hash, edibles, drinks.
Online menu? Yes.
Handicap-accessible? Yes.

Someone spent a fucking fortune on wood in the dispensary, turning it into an uber-hip-yet-Boulder-earthy chill spot. The walls are covered in unfinished, long pine planks from the (also) wood floors to the rounded-square, Mad Men-era white ceiling tiles. The square, dark blue/gray faux-velvet couches and tiny metal-and-white plastic reception desk are IKEA-minimalistic, and aside from the light smell of cannabis, it feels like the lobby of a swank recording studio.

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Facebook.com/soma.wellnesslounge
After handing over my card and ID to be copied, I was pointed back toward a somewhat-hidden door covered in the same pine boards; it led into the windowless, cozy confines of the bud bar. Or should I say bud lounge.

And by lounge, I mean a pimped-out pot palace of perfect smoothness. Royal-blue velvet lines the front of the bud bar, which is lit up by recessed lights under the wooden top. A few slick, molded-white-plastic-and-chrome bar stools are lined up on the equally blue carpet. On one wall, a photograph of an oddly appropriate shark seems to hover, giving the impression -- in combination with the spot lighting and deep-blue-sea flooring -- that you're actually staring into an aquarium. The place is so smooth that Al Green came on the stereo the minute I walked through the door. It was personal-soundtrack precision on par with an early Tarantino film. I have really good musical timing, though. Al Green isn't always part of the SOMA experience (though he should be).

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Facebook.com/soma.wellnesslounge
My budtender, a slim dude named Freddie with a level of Boulder coolness that fit right in with the surroundings, welcomed me, said first timers get $10 off their purchase, and then pretty much let me run wild with the collection. I started out over in the concentrates area, where I found three huge pads of shatter oil laid out on a silicone nonstick platter. Two of the amber-looking slabs -- one the C4 I took home and the other (I think) the Death Star, looked great. But a third chunk of wax/shatter seemed as if it had been abandoned mid-process. Freddie told me the shop's extracts come from Pure Extracts, but hinted that the lounge was switching over to SevenTen Tubes.

There were other small, bell-shaped glass jars to the side of the shatter display, with icewater-extracted hash and wax, from what I could tell. Everything sold for a flat $40 a gram, though Freddie said he'd weigh it out to whatever I needed if it was less than a gram but still within reason. So I got a half-gram of what looked to be the best of the batches.

At home, it burned clean and all, but there weren't any strain-distinct flavors whatsoever -- just straight THC. No terpenes. Nothing. Just a rippingly high buzz.

Continue for medicine photos and the rest of the review.

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