Six ways Colorado can lure the Republican National Convention to Denver

Categories: Politics

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Big photos below.
The GOP in Colorado wants to bring the Republican National Convention to Denver in 2016 -- an interesting move, considering the acute political and social divisions in the state.

Colorado, which for many years had settled comfortably into red-state territory, now swings the other way.

And today, it's known more for recreational pot sales and civil unions than as Dick Cheney's favorite place to go fly fishing.

That is, unless you live in Weldistan, one of the ten counties that voted on proposals to secede from Colorado last fall. Then again, local Republicans may feel emboldened by the successful ouster of three Democrats who voted in favor of gun-control laws last year. Even Governor John Hickenlooper and Mayor Michael Hancock, both Democrats, are already supporting the effort to bring the national GOP confab here -- because of the promotional and economic benefits that would come with it.

Now, all the host committee -- led by former U.S. representative Bob Beauprez, former governor Bill Owens, former U.S. senator Hank Brown, and others -- needs to do (besides raising tens of millions of dollars) is put together a slick swag bag for the movers and shakers in the Republican National Committee who'll make the decision.

Here are six suggestions for what those bags should include:

Number 6:

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Fracking martinis

One part fracking fluid; one part Colorado-made gin. Hickenlooper has agreed to serve as a co-chair of the committee, but that's not the only favor he's done for Republicans over the years. One of his most famous stunts was when he reportedly drank fracking fluid to show how safe the stuff is. Colorado is currently at the center of the debate over fracking, and since Republicans love their martinis and their environmental havoc, this potent drink would show off both.

Number 5:

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Beantown Heat

Local Republican operatives may have subverted Jaxine Bubis's attempt to run for the El Paso County seat of former Democratic Senate president John Morse when they revealed that she writes erotic fiction. But that's no reason not to stuff the bags with copies of her book Beantown Heat and treat their national counterparts to some purple prose from the self-proclaimed "erotic grammy," including this: "He dragged the rose down her chin, her neck, and tortured her, dragging it down between her breasts, her belly and across the top of her panties. She moved, arched, ached for more."

Continue to keep counting down the six ways Colorado can lure the Republican National Convention to Denver.


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5 comments
Cognitive_Dissident
Cognitive_Dissident

So who's the coward who couldn't put his name on this story? You're aware that there are two asshole parties, right?

Dj Barajas
Dj Barajas

It would be more welcome in Colorado Springs.

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