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Photos: One hater's thirteen reasons why Colorado sucks elephant balls

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Big photos below.
Around here, we like to think Colorado is the best state in the U.S.A. But not everyone agrees -- including some people who live here. We recently stumbled across a video from earlier this year entitled "Reasons Why Colorado Sucks Elephant Balls" in which its creator, who says he's lived here for twelve years, rips our fair state to the tune of Green Day's "American Idiot."

We're not exactly objective on this subject, but for every defensible rant (no one likes high suicide rates or mass shootings), there are three or four that are highly exaggerated or make no sense at all. Don't take our word for it, though. Count down his thirteen reasons, represented by screen captures of his photos and spelling/punctuation/grammar-challenged graphics.

See also: Fifty reasons Colorado is the best state in the country, 2013 edition

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Number 13:

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Number 12:

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Continue to keep counting down one hater's thirteen reasons why Colorado sucks elephant balls.


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710 comments
lightdoll
lightdoll

Colorado is the biggest shit-hole on the planet.  The fans suck, the landscape sucks, the driving sucks, the drivers doing the driving suck, the transit system sucks, the attitudes suck,...face it ...Colorado is a big fucking suck fest of a donkey carnival that needs to be leveled into one big parking lot.  Everything about Colorado is abhorable.  I lived there most of my life...NOT BY CHOICE...and got out as soon as I could.  The breweries also suck...bears shit and piss in that so called pure rock mountain spring water you all seem so proud of...no thank you.  The place is BOOOORING...and yes I was a skier and although your state sucks the dick of the devil and asks for seconds...The skiing is great...however, in order to get to the really good ski areas well you have to unfortunately contend with a great percentage of the assholes that piss you off in the city and burbs in order to get to where you want to go skiing....So now the skiing is a complete moot point.  Colorado is the only place I have lived where the majority of the populous are "transplants" and get way overly defensive about that shit hole more so than the natives....This country has 49 other states and they are all better than Colorado.  Beirut is better than Colorado EVEN Chechnya is better than Colorado...given a choice...I would rather live in Chechnya than Colorado.....OH and for those who circle jerk to the thoughts of Colorado having great roads...keep telling yourselves that...Allow me to take you back to when Fredrico Pena was mayor of Denver...he got rid of like all the snow plow drivers but 1....(his derelict of a fucking brother) and put the trash trucks on double duty to pack down the snow instead of plowing the shit...not realizing that the crap they make roads from is porous and after a winter of heavy snow well you all do the homework...DEAL WITH THE FALL OUT from one of your esteemed residents who by the way went on to be some high and mighty director of transportation in Washington DC and ended up getting fired because he was such a shit for brains......I can rant all day about the stupidity of Colorado...here's another one...Heritage Square...let's build an amusement park on the side of a mountain...to later figure the mountains are made of rocks and well it's hard to blast and build and everything in that fucked-up place is and up hill climb and at the end of the day when you are tired of walking up hill...gravity is not your friend...and if you went up to enter...you must go down to exit....and let's talk more about the drivers...they will run you off the road so you don't get anywhere .001 seconds faster than they do...hey Colorado and your fucked up residents...it is driving not swimming and not running where .001 seconds can be the difference between first and second place.....AND as for your 300 days of fucking sunshine....that doesn't mean it is warm...it can be sunny and like 2 there yeah still sounds like a shit hole to me 

Right
Right

All the nasty comments sure show him to be kind of right about the people....Just sayin'. People are also very overly opinionated and defensive in and about CO in my experience. It's strange.

ShephardofFire
ShephardofFire

I know many of you are either from some pretty horrible places or have never been anywhere that is not Colorado, but the poster of this article is right.


The first a foremost I agree with is the bad scenery. It IS a depressing brown wasteland basically. Anyone who does not agree lives in the mountains where there is actually green trees.


I dont have a problem with the sports fans. The sports fans are cool. Everyone should have some zeal for their team. The people are basically assholes in every other way otherwise though. He is right about the meth/crack/heroine addicts. There are way to god damn many, and they are such asshole. Much of the road rage (which there is a lot of it here) is drug addicts going completely batshit crazy on everyone else from the safety of their car. Even when I was doing nothing wrong, just minding my own business on the sidewalk, I have had druggies bitching at me from their cars. I of course, always reminded them of the fact I have WAY more teeth than they do, but the point of my post is not to tell my epic stories of fighting with tweakers...


The roads do suck. Yes, I know why they are damaged. This does not change the fact that they suck.


As far as nothing to do, I can't say I agree totally. But sometimes, you don't want to hike, and of course you cant do winter sports in the spring, summer or early fall. Sometimes you want to just chill at the bar or something like that. And most sane people dont want to go to those places when they are full of asshole druggies.


Pretty much, I agree with much of this article...no need to basically repeat everything in the article. But I do have one complaint not mentioned in the article


A big one


And that is all the bastards saying shit like "What makes you think any other place is better?" Trying to basically say WE are the assholes with the problems. I am from Virginia, and have been to Georgia. WAY fewer druggies, people are generally more civil, and green beautiful scenery is everywhere.

darknesscrown
darknesscrown

I moved here from California in mid-July.  I'll be honest, I was pretty much certain it wasn't going to be anywhere NEAR as good, but I have to say I've been more disappointed than I thought I would be.  


This place really is a right-wing utopia in the making.  Ok, yes, they legalized recreational marijuana use.  Big deal.  They allow you to walk around openly carrying a fucking gun incorrectly assuming that that's what the 2nd Amendment intends.  So there's that.  Already that's worth 3 strikes.  


But then there is totally the vibe that this state neither likes diversity nor out-of-staters.  It took me 8 FUCKING HOURS to get a drivers license here and register my car...on top of that, I had to drive all over creation to get the correctly FORMATTED documents I needed for disabled vet plates (despite calling the day before and asking if they accept electronic documents from VA and being told they did).  So the car needs to be registered at the county level, but licenses are issued at the state level...and neither talk to each other, obviously.  I actually had to show my fucking PASSPORT to show citizenship to get a drivers license.  They told me my California license was no good to them because it is issued to anyone who passes the driving test in CA and says it's only to be used for operating a motor vehicle on the back of the license.  Yeah?  And?  I'm here for a license to drive in your stupid redneck state, fuckers.  Very unaccomodating to newcomers.  I've talked to some of your folks (Coloradans) about this absolutely absurd bullshit I had to deal with and they were like "Good!  They shouldn't just give IDs out left and right."  I'm white and I DEFINITELY got the impression this was all by design to keep the poor away.  How many people working 2 or 3 jobs to break even every month can take 8 HOURS to handle something as fucking basic as getting a license or titling your car??  None, most likely.  


Furthermore, I was asked at the DMV what my political affiliation was and for my DD214.  What the fuck do you need that for?  "Blue" states don't ask for that shit because it's irrelevant.


Drivers and pedestrians here are horrendous.  You people seriously have no clue.  And, by the way, have any of you ever heard of crosswalks...and actually WAITING for the god damn "walk" sign to light up?  I mean, holy shit.  I'm driving and see dumb fucks playing frogger in traffic all the fucking time.  So not only do they endanger themselves and others by just doing whatever the shit they want, what is INFINITELY WORSE, they risk damaging my vehicle if I hit them.  


Taxes are next to non-existent here too.  You may think that's all awesome, but it actually isn't because there don't seem to be any public services available.  I haven't been here for snow yet, but from what I hear, plowing just doesn't happen except on main thoroughfares.  That's horseshit.  Pay fucking taxes!  I came from the Bay Area in California.  Expensive?  Yes.  High taxes?  Yes.  But the quality of life there is INFINITELY better.  Streets are maintained (at least in the South Bay), there are police patrolling the streets, etc...  I can count on 1 hand the number of police on patrol I've seen in Denver.  Plenty of traffic and red-light cameras, but no fucking cops.  Just pay taxes and pay for police!  Jeezus!  Time to be grown ups.  Oh, and apparently people here actually pay those fucking camera tickets when they get mailed them.  You people DO realize that they are legally meaningless, right?  They can't come after you for shredding it.  It isn't a legitimate ticket.  California is actually taking all theirs down voluntarily because NO ONE pays them.


My rant is over.  The mountains are beautiful, but the rest of the state is really a pit.  Seriously.  I'm already looking forward to moving back to civilization in CA.

thezeepeople
thezeepeople

There ARE some horrible drivers here. Allow me to vent:  

1. Get out of the fast/passing lane if you insist on driving 45 on a 65 stretch of road!!! You are a hazard.

2. Do not stop when you are driving onto a highway onramp! You are supposed to speed up and catch up with the flow of traffic, otherwise, you are a major hazard!

And the most annoying of all drivers:

3. You do not legally have to wait before the stop lines at an intersection when making a left turn. It is NOT a law. If you read the DMV booklet, you will find out that it is recommended to enter an intersection cautiously, but you are not required to stop before the line and sit there until all traffic is clear. IT IS PERFECTLY LEGAL TO ENTER AN INTERSECTION ON A GREEN LIGHT AND WAIT FOR A BREAK IN TRAFFIC. You drivers who sit at the line and don't move into the intersection---sometimes even missing a light---are a HAZARD and an ANNOYANCE!  

milonovich
milonovich

This place does fucking suck. People here are douchebag entitled shitheads who suck California dick

Cj Irvin
Cj Irvin

What a fucking idiot. Move already.

Justin A Whirlow
Justin A Whirlow

This guy is obviously a dumbass if he thinks colorado is flat! There is less crime here due to inflation of MARIJUANA sells since it's LEGAL! The traffic is no worse then another state in a high traffic area and to top it off the state spends more money on roads then anything else... Fuckin tard!!

Stacia Rodriquez
Stacia Rodriquez

This guy is crying like a baby back bitch, move and never come back! CO hates you toob

Nathan Mascarenas
Nathan Mascarenas

Ha! You think traffic sucks here, move to any other state with cities the size of Denver or bigger. We have it easy here in comparison! You would lose your mind in CA.

concerendcitizen
concerendcitizen

Probably someone who is depressed, can't get themselves away from the computer/out of the house, is easily aggravated by other people/traffic, and instead of recognizing this in him/herself, is blaming it on the surroundings. 


If you can't find fun things to do in Colorado, there isn't much help for you.

Leigh Vadas
Leigh Vadas

This person needs to know the proper use of your and you're.

Paula Abolafia
Paula Abolafia

great now all the other states are getting jealous

phinniusmcrood
phinniusmcrood

Where the hell did this guy come from? Was he born and raised in Shan-gri-la? Seriously buddy; while there is some bad things about living here, it's one of the best places on Earth! I was born here, grew up here, and live here now and I love it! Most of your points are either made up, or a completely general attribute to any other place. Of course traffic sucks, you yokel! Traffic sucks everywhere, and everywhere you go,,, there is traffic. You seem like a pasty, flabby, lazy person who has nothing to do, but complain. You shouldn't live here, you're too whiney.


Heather Moreno
Heather Moreno

Why is anyone even entertaining this ? This was a waste of 10 minutes.

Sammy River
Sammy River

This person couldn't find happiness if it bit them on the ass.

Robert Vido
Robert Vido

This person is absolutely correct. Please stay away. Signed: Native

Rob Vido
Rob Vido

Controversial? Bull shit! Fuck whoever wrote those things about this beautiful state

ChristinaJoDanford
ChristinaJoDanford

I would agree traffic sucks...  BUT CO is a beautiful state with VARIOUS activities for ALL AGES. I've seen a numerous kinds of people... IDK where you could find only white people!? Weather is better than I have grown up in and drugs are everywhere. 

This person needs to be dropped in the middle of South Dakota where he would really see what winter weather and how many things there are to do... Over privileged and not traveled or hasn't experienced much of the world if the writer really believes these claims to be true. So far from the truth... Hard to understand that someone could have such opinions of such a fantastic location!!

Randall Red Cates
Randall Red Cates

Dude your a dumb fuck lazy ass where's the proof to your claims

Charlie Goldberg
Charlie Goldberg

And thus the entire argument was invalidated by Sonic the Hedgehog. Overwhelming proof that the Sonic fandom is a blight upon planet Earth.

Timothy Walkinshaw
Timothy Walkinshaw

None of that was accurate Chicago has more crime. people are bad drivers, suicidal, road rage everywhere. If you cant find fun your not looking. Colorado is beautiful

Kurt Michael Jensen
Kurt Michael Jensen

He didn't whine about Colorado education systems! I would imagine public schools in HIS home state (probably Alabama) is why he can't spell, use proper grammar, or formulate correct sentence structures. What a simp.

Mike Dunlap
Mike Dunlap

Well then GTFO if you don't like our state!

Murphy Connor
Murphy Connor

I think this guy has mixed up Colorado with utah

Calix T van Lier
Calix T van Lier

I got a good laugh out of this. Obviously this guy has never been to Colorado. Nothing he stated is even close to factual. Pretty funny though.

Dan Morgione
Dan Morgione

Who ever wrote this rant has no idea what they're talking about. The mass shootings and the Broncos are the only things I really agree with. Say what you want about Colorado,the weather is damn' near perfect.

Bengy Martinez
Bengy Martinez

Compiled by a 12yr old maybe? If it's such a terrible and miserable place? Why reside for 12 years here? I'm guessing it has something to do with he still lives under his parents roof and him being an adolescent...

Jough
Jough

So basically he lives in some shi thole like colorado springs and since he is an antisocial loser and doesn't go anywhere he thinks the whole state is like this.  What a tool.

Kim Robinson
Kim Robinson

He's stupid obviously can't spell doesn't watch the weather much we get 300 some days of sunshine. Move leave one less asshole to worry about.

Steven Malizia
Steven Malizia

Why does there being white people make it bad for foreigners?

Kevin Boulas
Kevin Boulas

There's an old joke about a man from the city driving to the country to try to find a better place to live. He pulls up to a local and asks "How are the people here?" The local responds "I don't know, how are they where you're from?" The man says "Oh, they're terrible. The people are rude, obnoxious, stupid, and intolerant." The local says "Well, I think you'll find they're the same here..."

broncossuck
broncossuck

Where can I send you money to get you to leave sooner, you crybaby racist.

thezeepeople
thezeepeople

@milonovich LOL! Totally true. The only reason people end up in CO is because they had nowhere else to go---they had to come here. But as soon as their lives turn around, they are gone, gone, gone. 

darknesscrown
darknesscrown

Nonsense.  I've lived in more states and countries than you have, I'm almost certain of that.  CO traffic is pretty fucking bad.  Partly because you have no widespread mass transit options.  The light rail and buses don't count.  Every moderately sized city should be REQUIRED to have that.

darknesscrown
darknesscrown

@thezeepeople @milonovich Or for a job.  I work for the federal government and am assigned here.  Looking forward to getting the F outta here as soon as possible.  CA is soooooooooo much better.

broncossuck
broncossuck

And without the California democrat dipshits, though they are moving here fast to mess uo the state.

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