Photos: One hater's thirteen reasons why Colorado sucks elephant balls

Categories: Lists

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Big photos below.
Around here, we like to think Colorado is the best state in the U.S.A. But not everyone agrees -- including some people who live here. We recently stumbled across a video from earlier this year entitled "Reasons Why Colorado Sucks Elephant Balls" in which its creator, who says he's lived here for twelve years, rips our fair state to the tune of Green Day's "American Idiot."

We're not exactly objective on this subject, but for every defensible rant (no one likes high suicide rates or mass shootings), there are three or four that are highly exaggerated or make no sense at all. Don't take our word for it, though. Count down his thirteen reasons, represented by screen captures of his photos and spelling/punctuation/grammar-challenged graphics.

See also: Fifty reasons Colorado is the best state in the country, 2013 edition

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Number 13:

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Number 12:

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Continue to keep counting down one hater's thirteen reasons why Colorado sucks elephant balls.


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771 comments
kerschmidtlap
kerschmidtlap

I'm not going to rant and rave or use a lot of adjectives here. I grew up on the Western Slope. There is no Colorado, that went away with the California invasion in the early 70s. Now it is Eastern California. (dude) By the time I was 14 I knew i was going to wipe that state off my feet and split at the first chance I had and when I turned 17 in 1973 I did. I only went back a few times over the years to see my mother. Before I left and in the following years my family and the residents of that state never missed an opportunity to take a shot at me and eventually my children too. When my parents died and I went back to bury them one by one, I couldn't even do that in peace. Now all the good people I knew in Colorado are dead and under the soil, I'll never be back, even though I still have siblings there. They can go to hell. Colorado is about to become a very undesirable place to live. With the legalization of recreational pot they have opened Pandora's Box. Colorado will soon be one of the highest taxed states in the nation, fraught with legal and social problems that were never dreamed of. It is, after all, Eastern California. So you may have my place and by the way, those mountains? They were there before you discovered them.

LindaLee Law
LindaLee Law

Yep we suck on Kush, Granddaddy purpose etc. been here 40 yrs used to be one of the best ..... Dump the mayor

Lorne Cox
Lorne Cox

If this person took a break from sitting on their ass and making stupid lists about states, using pictures of different states. They would find out that there's crappy, ignorant people everywhere you go.

Kevin Smith
Kevin Smith

Good glad to hear april. Sorry little drunk other night. Happy new year.

April Bell Light
April Bell Light

Well I actually am native and "native" and I don't have a native bumper sticker. So get over yourself Kevin.

April Bell Light
April Bell Light

I've seen a couple different articles supposedly by different people that hate Colorado. It IS Westword - although I have seen truer articles posted there than other news outlets. But being a native - all these hater people need to go back to where they came from - or someplace else. Polluting our state and way of life.

Paul Morton
Paul Morton

This article is a crock of shit. For a brief moment I thought this was an attempt at satire, then I realized that the author was serious. Some of the fact like being mostly white and having legal pot are correct but the assertions surrounding them are ridiculous.

Tiffani Harris
Tiffani Harris

Why are you still here Michael? Leave Colorado. We don't want your negative attitude here!

Heather Sena
Heather Sena

You are a schmuck... You can join him too!!! Two less ignorant fuck tards in the world!

Shauna Stenzel
Shauna Stenzel

And the pot holes is true! Crappy roads here for sure!

David Behrns
David Behrns

Don't like it here... Leave, no one miss you.

Kevin Smith
Kevin Smith

heather-go suck on a chipotle burrito

Kevin Smith
Kevin Smith

I really hate that "native" shit. You guys realize that the person who banked on those bumper stickers is from utah. Plus you coloradans arent "native", hate to shatter your pride.

Scott Chase
Scott Chase

All co haters can leave so snowmobile traffic is lighter on I-70

Randy Stegman
Randy Stegman

I hope all California's read this and never want to move here. Just sayin

Michael Luis Vargas
Michael Luis Vargas

This person needs to go back to his beloved middle east!!! At least there he can go camel riding!!

Michael Vest
Michael Vest

What an idiot I guess he loves Kansas or Iowa where it smells like pig $#it

April Bell Light
April Bell Light

MOVE asshole!!!! The haters and rude people are all the idiots that have moved here from other states. Us true natives are friendly and happy. We definitely don't need anymore jerks like you here!!

Honey Jimenez
Honey Jimenez

Let's take this from number 13: Where was he staying, at Sterling Prison? There's always something to do no matter where one lives, it's a matter of actually getting off your ass, out of one's house and looking. 12: Sure the Rockies are beautiful, but there is beauty in the plains as well. I know it can be hot and dry, but it's not exactly the sixth circle of hell. 11: There's crazy and terrible drivers everywhere- I used to be a Truck Driver and drove from NYC to LA and almost everywhere in between. Obviously he's never been in NYC or DC traffic. All major cities have a lot of traffic! 10: From my own personal experience and family, there's a lot of Latinos. CO has a very proud Latino culture, whether it's Spanish, French, Italian, or Mexican. There's also plenty of other cultures. 9: I cannot say much about the roads, I haven't lived in CO for many years. 8: People panic when it first snows, and it shows by the way people drive. What are you seriously expecting during rush hour?! 7: Every state has sports fanatics, stop hanging out at bars or sports bars. 6: Illegal drug use is everywhere, that's not something exclusive to CO. 5: As of June 2014 CO doesn't make the top ten of highest suicide rates. 4: CO is listed as the 28th most dangerous state. 3: Most Racist States lists CO as 28th. I'm not saying that's good, but I personally have never been the victim of racism while in CO- I was born and raised there. 2: High elevations get snow, ice and sleet. They can be brutal, but they don't last for 8 months in CO. Four or five maybe... 1. There are nice people and assholes everywhere ( he sounds like one). I lived in CO for 24 years of my life, mostly in Pueblo, but I've lived in Colorado Springs and Denver as well. Not everyone is nice in bigger cities- they got shit to do and are stressed out. I felt the same way after moving to PA, but it all depends on where you are in the state.... If this guy is still in CO it's his own damn fault at this point.....

Tony Diaz
Tony Diaz

I have to agree with bad drivers, the racism, and the no culture.

Nicole Joyner
Nicole Joyner

Well I love Colorado grew up there and moved back there in 07. Just can't do the snow. Lol. It is a beautiful state with LOTS to do close at hand. If I didn't have to drive in the snow I'd still be there. Trust....

Esteban Arellano
Esteban Arellano

Welcome to our fucking dead of the soils Colorado!!! You move on puta and puto. Keeping up with your crying baby barking!!! Lmfao

Junior Olivas
Junior Olivas

Well Colorado says to you FUCK YOU TOO LIL BITCH NOW GET THE FUCK OUT

Heather Sena
Heather Sena

Go jump off a mountain... You are an ignorant twat waffle....

Ben Spahr
Ben Spahr

I can't give much credence to a moron who's lived here just a shade over a decade, produces a video with glaring spelling errors and faults Colorado for things that aren't true.

geauxnawlins
geauxnawlins

I see a lot of Californians on this thread bitching.  Go back to Cali!  Please!  You're destroying our cost of living and changing the scene for the worst.  If we wanted to live in California we would have moved there.  Please go back.

geauxnawlins
geauxnawlins

I think he's being facetious in hopes of discouraging more newcomers.  LOL

Paddy McGee
Paddy McGee

I couldn't get past his bitching about traffic. My head almost exploded. I've been in Colorado for just over 10 years. If this guy wants traffic issues, he should try the 405, 101, or 5 in L.A. at any hour. I'd rather spend an hour going 8 miles, than spend an hour going 2-3 miles. Now, that's traffic. You fuck!

Desiree Knight
Desiree Knight

I love Colorado. But that's because I go outside. Not sit in the city of Denver and brood about how "yuppies" and "entitled douches" are turning it into shit. Go take a hike literally and you will appreciate your state more

Steve Stalzle
Steve Stalzle

Desmond, it's happening over here in NW Denver, too, aka THE HIGHLANDS. What a bunch of douchebag yuppie/trendies. Go live somewhere else, ya pukes.

Kevin Markis
Kevin Markis

Oh shit I forgot! The original is hardly cannon.

bonz_1127
bonz_1127

Yeah! Fuck Colorado! Tell everyone it sucks here! Please! Maybe my rent will finally go down and I can afford to live in the state where I was born and raised. I can't imagine why you would stay here for any amount of time if you hate it so much. It's people who think this place is so depressing who raise the suicide rate, so do us a favor and go kill yourselves somewhere else. We have our drugs and gun violence to slim our population with death, thank you. And as for the people here, I shall represent a vast majority of natives (whether or not they want me to, cause ya know, fuck open-mindedness) when I say: 


"Fuck you, you fucking transplant scum, fuck all of you, you muck up our state with your bullshit, and you all fucking suck, leave Colorado NOW. UNLESS you're not a complete fucking whiny piece of shit and contribute to making this place fun; there are a great deal of racists and culture purists who would have nothing to hate if they didn't have decent culture to be disgusted with."


Besides, it's most of those steer-fuckers from Texas and hippie pussies from California who have made this place suck anyways.


Yay! That all being said now all I have to do is wait for rent to go back down :)

Tim Wright
Tim Wright

I think Sonic took place in CO, didn't it?

Tim Wright
Tim Wright

I love how most of these have grammatical or spelling errors in them, because it completely dismisses them as anything worth a damn. Not to mention that this person (these people?) have clearly never been to CO...the thing about the drivers being crappy is all too true, though...

Michael Hartman
Michael Hartman

Only the third? They shoved this down our throats and pretended it was relevant.

Desmond Moon
Desmond Moon

" And as for the weed, who cares. " Get REGULATED, suckers!

Desmond Moon
Desmond Moon

" we have a very low tolerance for outsiders bullshit. " LOL. "Natives" enjoy bitching and moaning about outsiders on the Interwebz but say nothing when these very outsides spend their moneys at their otherwise cookie-cutter bars, restaurants, clubs, etc. " I've seen more interracial relationships n babies than anywhere I've been. " Clearly, you don't venture out much. http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/states-highest-interracial-marriages/

Lori Stevens
Lori Stevens

Maybe if Sonic had an education and knew how to spell his world wouldn't be so bleak

Desmond Moon
Desmond Moon

WHAT culture? "Native" developers have been gentrifying the fuck outta of Denver and turn it into some lame urban playground for pearly white entitled douches and soccer moms from Aurora and Highlands Ranch. Derp.

Kyle Warren
Kyle Warren

I didn't read the article. But there are good and bad things in every state. You just have to find the state that best fits you.

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