Twenty Reasons Why Denver Sucks and You Shouldn't Move Here -- Please!

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More images below.
We're pretty sure the hater whose thirteen reasons why Colorado sucks elephant balls we recently shared wasn't joking. In contrast, the folks who created the "Denver Sucks, Don't Move Here" poster for sale on Etsy seems to realize the Mile High City is a great place -- so great, in fact, that it's necessary to pretend it sucks to prevent too many people from moving here.

The poster features so many funny reasons why folks shouldn't relocate that we decided to spotlight them one at a time. Count down our twenty favorites below, and to get a copy of your own (they're available for just $15), click here.

See also: Photos: One hater's thirteen reasons why Colorado sucks elephant balls

Number 20:

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Number 19:

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Number 18:

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Number 17:

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Continue to keep counting down twenty reasons why Denver sucks and you shouldn't move here -- please!


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123 comments
Elaine Lechuga Bohman
Elaine Lechuga Bohman

Denver is awesome.....sounds like whoever wrote this is from some Midwest hick town

Matt Rawlings
Matt Rawlings

And if Asheville NC is your second choice... there are no jobs here, bugger off!

Brian McElvy
Brian McElvy

Here's Westword's monthly "Stay out" story. You're a tool!

Russ Pouliot
Russ Pouliot

I can tell you the craigslist stuff is nothin but trolls

Desmond Moon
Desmond Moon

Another one of Mikey Roberts's 20 worst recycled articles.

MyScrotumPus
MyScrotumPus

The female populace here in Denvoid is disgusting.  I actually saw a female comedian at VooDoo Comedy Playhouse brag about how she just rolled out of bed, didn't brush her hair and threw filthy clothes on to perform.  She looked every bit of what she said.


Denver is a nasty place with nasty hippies, homeless and busted females who don't believe in shaving.  This list is spot on.

sballardo672
sballardo672

Cute.  I remember when I lived in San Diego about 20 years ago and everyone complained about all the transplants.  Congrats Denver, you're growing up!  Don't worry, this is just a phase.  See, right now you have an arrogance because so many people are moving here for the jobs, scenery, activities and everything else that YOU love about the city.  Sadly, being an arrogant prick doesn't work.  Eventually you will accept all the things that come with living in a great city, i.e. transplants.  You will learn to appreciate the diversity that comes when people from all over converge in one city.  You will appreciate the guy from Montana or the girl from Florida as they will represent a change from what you were used to.  Construction workers will appreciate the jobs created from more housing needed.  I could go on, but right now you are rebelling.  It happens.  Teenagers all over the world go through this when they think they know everything and everyone else knows nothing.  Hmm, I think I just hit the nail on the head.

Stacie Wilcox
Stacie Wilcox

I hated this so hard. It is misogynistic and stupid, and was created by some chick in Austin who fancies herself an artist. Way to "photoshop". Completely rude and anti-female. I hope she stays in TX.

vladas3
vladas3

The people that fail to see the sacrasm here should probably be the ones to move

yeahwellmeh
yeahwellmeh

Denver actually DOES suck at this point. TOO MANY PEOPLE and wayyyy too many entitled douchebags. Greedy property owners, asshole property management companies, and soaring rents mean its hard to even live here anymore. A mayor who is in the back pocket of developers, a governor who is in the back pocket of big oil, an out of hand police brutality problem (millions paid out in settlements) awful and ugly condos/luxury lofts going up everywhere, with awful people moving into them. "Right work state"= employers getting away with anything they want. I used to be proud of this city, I used to be proud to live here. Now, unfortunately, it is true....DENVER SUCKS.

thedreadpoetryan
thedreadpoetryan

Three of the twenty items listed make fun of women for the way they look, and then the dude complains about not being able to get a date. Maybe it's not "Menver," bro. Maybe you're just an asshole.

Sarah White
Sarah White

Denver sucks. And colfax the scariest street in America? Come to California....or Detroit. Then we will talk scary.

Joshua Arteaga
Joshua Arteaga

LMFAO! That is the funniest shit ever. Especially number 4. \U0001f602

Zachary La Rosee
Zachary La Rosee

People just need to stay out, Denver starting to not look, or feel like Denver anymore, and it sucks

Farres Striver
Farres Striver

yeah colorado springs is full of culture. you guys wouldnt want to leave :P

Rich Car
Rich Car

Colfax is hardly the scariest street in america.

Jeanine Arndt
Jeanine Arndt

lmao, this is hilarious. There will never be anywhere better than Denver!

Steve Reynolds
Steve Reynolds

I lived in Houston back in the mid 1980s when Houstonians had bumper stickers on their pickumup trucks that said, "Welcome to Texas, now go home!" About 1985, the Houston economy crashed and nobody moved there. Then all the pickumup drivers got laid off. Moral of the story: if peeps are moving in, times are good. Times are becoming great for Colorado. Be careful, tho', you haters might get what you wish for.

Broox Pulford
Broox Pulford

#1 LODO. Try going there and not wanting to fight someone. It should be renamed Douche Bag Central and they should heard the new patrons of Upper Larimer St and South Broadway there (I think that's what those pedal bars are for)

Dan Ruisi
Dan Ruisi

That's right, keep your money, we don't need it. Growth is bad, mmmkay?

Haven Holmes
Haven Holmes

Colfax the scariest street in America? Tell him I'll hold his hand if he ever has to walk down it. I don't want the boogeyman to get him.

Cassidy Bednark
Cassidy Bednark

With full understanding that the tone is intended to be coy, this would still be a slightly more entertaining read of 1/3 of the things weren't misogynistic nonsense.

Yeroc Roc
Yeroc Roc

Lol, i was a truck driver, went through L.A alot thatbdont bother me

Bree Davis
Bree Davis

Drive I-25 during the week or I-70 on the weekend then rethink that statement.

Bree Davis
Bree Davis

Melissa, you get WHY this was written, yes? Clearly states it in the article. THAT'S why it states how beautiful the Springs is, cause those who live here know the truth.

MyScrotumPus
MyScrotumPus

I'm a chick and what she said is spot on.  The female situation out here is an embarrassment to being feminine.  I'm talking dirty females who don't shower, clean their clothes and yes, brag about not shaving their armpits - actually having races to see who can grow theirs out the fastest.  Denver is a gross city.

michael.roberts
michael.roberts moderator editortopcommenter

@thedreadpoetryan Memorable post, thedreadpoetryan. We're going to feature it as an upcoming Comment of the Day. Thanks.

michael.roberts
michael.roberts moderator editortopcommenter

You're not alone in thinking that, Zachary. Thanks for posting.

michael.roberts
michael.roberts moderator editortopcommenter

Funny post, Farres. Thanks.

michael.roberts
michael.roberts moderator editortopcommenter

Amen, Jeanine. Thanks for posting.

michael.roberts
michael.roberts moderator editortopcommenter

Interesting take, Steve. Thanks for sharing your perspective.

MyScrotumPus
MyScrotumPus

My feeling exactly!  The entire downtown area is just a yuppie douche fest.

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