Denver News Blog

#3 of the 22 Major Arcana: Pat Waak, the High Priestess...
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The study of neighbors through their lawn ornaments...

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Figure 50. City Park: Cementing the beliefs and ideals of society.

The yard art pictured in figure 50, is a testament to human ability and aspiration. Concrete is typically a material that is used to build sidewalks, interstate highways and building foundations, where it is poured into forms and sets up in twenty minutes or less. To use it for detailed sculpting requires the mold-making ability to visualize in reverse, and the impeccable planning skills to "complete" an artwork before the concrete is even poured. Such talent suggests a yard artist who can push elements beyond their natural inclinations and to give them new form. It is the yard-artistic equivalent of trying to change human behavior and evolution, which is further implied by the Day-Glo hand-lettered "Equal Rights for All Persons" sign hanging on the front door.

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To sell their anti-abortion pro-(one)-choice message, Focus on the Family will have to follow one of these three successful Super Bowl commercial formulas...
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See two more options below!

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Where would we be without ribbon magnets to remind us of what is important? The label-laden Lexus pictured above was traveling in front of my car on East 14th Avenue at Grape Street. This odd pairing demands that all ribbon-magnet readers "stop child abuse," and then seemingly as an alternative pastime, offers them the suggestion to "feel your boobies." I would applaud this bold bumper broadcast, but my hands are full of boobies right now.

#2 of the 22 Major Arcana: The Magician, John Hickenlooper...
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The study of neighbors through their lawn ornaments...

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Figure 49. Lowry: Porch pots with a hopeful vision.

"Obama goggles" is the slang term for a phenomenon in which the increased display of passion for President Obama actually lowers political awareness to the point that very little intelligence is used when contemplating Presidential policies. The bespectacled ceramic celebrant pictured in figure 49 indicates that this is the home of an extremely delusional hobby potter who is also a registered Democrat.

The upright Obama-ogler, wearing a heart-shaped shield and holding Old Glory, suggests a new-found hope for a more compassionate "government of the people." The pot with dark glasses intimates that this greater happiness will be available to those who are blind to Obama's shortcomings. The blue glaze dripping down the pot on the right hints at the rain that will "fall on the parade" of persons who approach this presidency with their eyes wide open.

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"I'm really honored to be the only Coloradan speaking at the first-ever National Tea Party Convention being held in Nashville, Tennessee this week. Sarah Palin is supposed to deliver the keynote speech, but we're all hoping she cancels so we can blame it on Obama."

To create a festive ski-resort atmosphere for the huge Snow Sport Industry Association Convention happening in Denver this week, downtowners are being asked to join these city celebrities on January 29, 2010, for Snow Wear Friday...
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More wintery fun below!

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The only way to get to know a city is by foot. A car could pass the northwest Denver home pictured above a dozen times and the driver would never see the spectacle that sprawls across this lawn. At twenty-miles-per-hour, the rocks on the folding chair and the flattened sign in the foreground look like the leftovers of a recent yard sale, but a pedestrian passerby is able to read the handwriting on the drywall. A close-up shot reveals a domestic drama that is a real sleeper.

Look below for more:

#1 of the 22 Major Arcana: The Fool, Muhammad Ali Hasan...
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The study of neighbors through their lawn ornaments...

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Figure 48. Globeville: The Great Pyramids of Globeville Road.

Whoever is responsible for the perfect stacks of shoveled snow that are pictured above is, by definition, a true yard artist. Snow fallen on the great expanse of a parking lot typically gets plowed into one or two perimeter piles.

These four hand-shoveled mounds intimate that a workplace employee has replaced the plow, perhaps as a cost-cutting measure during the slow-business month of January. The evenly measured spacing suggests a worker who is expertly lazy and seeks solutions that require the least amount of walking. The conical shapes mimic the Rocky Mountains and hint at the place where he'd rather be.

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"Romer had his affair, Owens had his divorce, Ritter had his romance rumors. Women are usually attracted to governors, but I don't see that with Hickenlooper. Lucky for you, Helen, you've got nothing to worry about."

The study of neighbors through their lawn ornaments...
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Figure 47. University Hills. Plaster pooch and hidden Hondabago tethered to a tree.

The German Shepard statue chained to a tree would suggest that the display pictured above is the work of a yard artist with a keen sense of humor. The front-yard glider would further indicate the accessible demeanor of a friendly neighbor. A closer inspection provides a few more detailed clues about the home's inhabitants. The dog chain embedded into the tree bark hints that this jolly joker has lived here for several years. That a slip-covered motorcycle is also chained to the same tree intimates that the resident comedians may also come across as a little bit "clingy."

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Viewers don't even need to look at the rooftop ladders to know the van pictured above belongs to a person who is handy. This northwest-Denver-parked paint job tells us that the vehicle's owner is resourceful in the handling of materials and fearless about getting his hands dirty.

There is a small danger in this kind of bold visual statement that may suggest slapdash work habits and a certain lack of attention to detail. But the "Mike Coffman for State Treasurer" bumpersticker located just below the license plate suggests that the van's owner is a straight shooter who can be trusted to "hold his own."

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The new zoning code is now online and awaits your review. With building restrictions across the city that are all new! The revamped code guarantees that you won't suffer alone, because everybody must get zoned.

The new context-based zoning code completely transforms the planning office into a McZoning service counter. The form-based picture menu clearly shows what can be built and helps the builder/homeowner to select an allowable building (that maintains the existing context of their neighborhood), just by presenting the smiling city planner with an address.

They're happy because they rule this town. Read more about it below:

The study of neighbors through their lawn ornaments...
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Figure 46. Cole: Tree trunk tribute to the humble home.

Tree loss is one of the leading causes of homeowner heartbreak. After removal of a dead tree, it can be quite difficult to face the light of day after years of sharing shady memories. The stump sculpture pictured above clearly shows how one remorseful resident is working through his weeping with wood whittling. The crude carving suggests that this project is more of a personal expression than a professional execution. The disproportionally oversized inclusion of the address indicates a belief that life must go on, and it does, by turning the remains of the past into a tribute to that which lives on in the present.

Pro Rodeo! Come for the studs, and stay for the queens...
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It's shear fun! Bring your sheeps and peeps...
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If it happens in Colorado, it came from California. First it was the medical marijuana dispensary, and now it is the adoptable chihuahua dispensary...
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Keep reading about adoptable chihuahua dispensaries below!

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Upon reading the "go fast beer at mice" message spelled out on the Sloan Lake-area sign in the above photograph, I was confused. Immediately I imagined that it might be advertising a new instant-pick lottery game based on a popular smart phone application that allowed gamers to fling mugs of beer at animated mice.

The traffic light at which I was stopped gave me a little more time to consider an alternate meaning. Perhaps the station was sponsoring a person named "Bee Ratmice" in a sporting event where speed was essential. Then, with the joy of a burglar picking a lock, I cracked the code: "GO FAST BEER ATM ICE."

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The study of neighbors through their lawn ornaments...

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Figure 45. Harvey Park: The Maltese Falcons hint at a gardener who may be digging with a Sam Spade.

The yard art pictured in figure 45 looks like a folksy, old-timer style of garden display, until the viewer notices the blood-red paint on the bunny's ear. The tranquility of the vine-covered weather gauges, miniature windmill, hobby-store scarecrow and symmetrically mounted watering cans is shot all to hell by the sinister looking pair of Maltese falcons, the hand-painted target and the perfectly placed spray of paintball spatters across the barred window.

The contrasts reveal a yard artist who loves to spend his summers puttering in the yard and his winters with his nose buried in (several!) hardboiled detective novels. Adding to the mystery, handwriting on the top left watering can reads, "New Car Dept.," and an unspent paintball rests on the lawn beneath the vane of the windmill. Such a display shows how the fullness of the human experience can be condensed in a simple yard art display!

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"The Sisters of Charity of Leavenworth have just taken over operations and prohibit reproductive services at their hospitals. But they will allow us to give patients that request birth control these fliers that offer programs for families, with emotional and behavioral problems, at their Mount Saint Vincent Home."

The year is only a week old and already it seems like it has dragged on for a whole month. If we keep up the action at this rate, imagine what the rest of the year will be like...

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More predictions below!

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The study of neighbors through their holiday decorations...

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January 5 is considered the last of the twelve days of Christmas. It is the time for the family living in the home pictured above, to reflect upon their unorthodox traditions in preparation for celebrating Epiphany, which begins on January 6. The cracked palm tree, the caped ducks and the flying pig commemorate the childhood events that brought sudden revelation and insight into the life of Jesus. Each is a symbol of hyperbole that suggests complete impossibility as a means of testing one's faith.

The study of neighbors through their holiday decorations...

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Of the twelve days of Christmas, today is devoted to the eleven pipers piping. Lest we forget, they are tooting for the birth of the little baby Jesus.

The historical account of elbeejay's birth, detailed in the popular "Away in a Manger" Christmas carol, reveals that there was "no crib for his bed" and that he lay "asleep in the hay." The photo above shows how one innovative urbanite yard artist, without easy access to agricultural silage, improvises the Jesus bedding of their outdoor nativity scene by using a blanket, a bucket and other items found around the home.

More photos below.

The study of neighbors through their holiday decorations...

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​ Everything about the tree in the picture above says "five minutes to midnight" on New Year's Eve. Here is the work of a yard artist who has clearly drank enough $500 bottles of Champagne to see that "tree looks like a lady." The dance floor pose with the slightly thrusted hip and upraised arms perfectly highlight the tree's bee-stung lips and blood-shot eyes in search of a countdown kiss. The hot pink halter dress worn over the silky black shift gives new meaning to the fashion-design term "Trunk Show."

The study of neighbors through their holiday decorations...

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​ Look to the left center of the picture above to find the everyday western-themed yard art hiding behind the countless candy canes and wire reindeers. At first, the bronze animal looks like a small bison, but with prolonged staring begins to look more like an oversized sheep. Combined with the miniature funeral wagon bearing a big poinsettia spray, the pair appear to be waiting for their cue to shamble on over to the manger scene. Due to space restrictions, the nativity is set up in the back yard...

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Judging from the landscaping, the black plastic tarp is probably covering a water feature in the foreground of the picture above. The yard artist has gone to great lengths to then cover the black blob in a mesh of blue lights to create an iceberg illusion worthy of a penguin and Santa's workshop at the North Pole. Further afield is an Olde Time Christmas village and the nativity safely protected in peaceful confines at the back of the yard. This yard artist clearly knows how to incorporate her everyday yard art into an effective holiday display!