Running with the gays: A reporter gets fitted with a pair of very sensible heels

Categories: Events

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Somehow, the joke snowballed out of control. We were in a meeting, talking about Art from Ashes' "Running of the Gays," a hilarious transsexual charity event to benefit The Center's Rainbow Alley, and I said I would go to report on it. "Shit," I cracked, "I might even run in it." I had no intention, of course, of actually doing that.

And yet... and yet somehow I found myself at Studio Lites on South Broadway this afternoon, getting fitted with size 13 heels and a pair of lacy hose, and thinking I haven't had a job this weird since the time I sold speakers out of the back of a van.

But let me get this out of the way up front: I'm not gay (except when I'm out of town... or, I shouldn't have said that). Also, I'm pretty much manly as hell. I don't eat food unless there's meat in it, I've never listened to any song but Bruce Springsteen's "Born to Run" and I have a mustache that will beat you at arm-wrestling just for looking at it wrong. And like all truly manly men, when there's a challenge, I rise to it. For God. For country.

That's why I'm going to run three blocks in heels and sexy, sexy hose this Sunday.

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Good Lawd! Somebody put the fire out!

First thing was to get a set of heels, since I don't have any. So I called up Rick Smith, co-owner of Studio Lites at 333 Broadway, a store that's been delivering for men who need really big heels for some 25 years now, as well as outfitting folks for Halloween and providing wigs to chemotherapy patients and, um, whatever other kind of people wear wigs. "We also do makeovers," he pointed out. Rick was kind enough to agree to loan me a pair, since I most likely won't be wearing them again (you won't either, by the way -- he'll be putting the pair I'm wearing on a mannequin), although... you never know.


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