Stupid ad of the week: Heineken's smug dating advice

Categories: Popular Culture

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Your ticket to love and happiness
Stupidity abounds in our daily lives, and the internetz have only exacerbated its abundance. Commercials hold a rather large market share of the overall world stupidity index, and since beer commercials own a significant amount of broadband real estate, by extension they also are responsible for much of the stupidity we are witness to. Heineken is no exception. In this week's ad, the company smugly schools would-be players on the game of seduction, but not without being shamelessly sexist, of course.

What better way to sell beer than to associate it with man's most primal instinct? Here, Heineken is doing nothing any other brand from dish soap to acne medication wouldn't do. But their execution is blatant in its misogynistic tone, whereas most brands try to be a little more subtle, putting a suggestive wink from an attractive opposite-sex person in right after the product shot.

But Heineken wants to appear smarter than the average beer, and it does so by positing males as sexual predators and females as the sexual prey. Then the commercial explains and exhibits a push-and-pull tactic used by pick-up artists in which a man shows interest, then pushes away slightly so as to say he's not a creeper, he doesn't need the woman, but still makes sure the "mark" -- are we picking up on the misogyny yet? -- knows that he's indeed interested. She is, of course, smitten by the fact that this guy doesn't need her and that he doesn't approach her directly like how all the other non-Heineken-drinking idiot "tigers" go after their "prey."

Dancing with Gramma is a means to an end not dissimilar to working with retarded children in order to bang the special programs coordinator at the Children's hospital. And yet it still works, and maybe he'll actually find that he enjoys working with the elderly, and he'll change his douchebag ways, and then someone will make a movie out of it that tons of women will inadvertently drag their boyfriends to, and the economy will continue to churn out romantic comedies and beer ads that perniciously reinforce oppressive gender roles in the collective psyche, and people will continue to wonder why the divorce rate is so high.

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