Monday Night Football: That's what she said?

"The best thing he could do was just push it"

​The game of football has a long, storied tradition of homoerotica: the spandex pants, the frequent bending over, the sweaty, man-on-man grappling -- it's a classic case of Sparta syndrome: athletic, highly ritualized body-worship. And though uncomfortable fruit-salad shots and gratuitous ass-slapping are by no means unusual in a televised football game, did it seem to anyone else like last night's Broncos vs. Chargers bout got extra, well, gay?

I mean really, I haven't seen that many "that's-what-she-said"-isms in two hours since the last time I watched Top Gun ("You two really are cowboys"). Here's a selection of my favorite:

"Kyle Orton is working on his deep ball game"

"He needs to deliver that package right into the pocket"

"He's a big, strong, tall target"

"He's had two magnificent sacks"

"They've hit a lot of those deep balls this year"

So many deep balls. Or should we say... balls deep? To make matters even grosser, by the middle of the third quarter, announcer Jon Gruden was pretty much openly hand-jobbing Chargers Quarterback Phillip Rivers. Aside from the several unsettling montages featuring butt-rock ballads and Rivers winking in ultra slow-motion -- which was just weird -- Gruden reserved the creepiest line of the night just for Rivers: "The best thing he could do was kind of push it forward and push it forward."

Push it real good.

Follow us on Twitter!