Indoor dog park offers dogs warmth, personality disorders

With any luck, the dog will repress this memory

​The reason human beings are so messed up, theorized the seminal psychologist Sigmund Freud, is that our consciousness is essentially split into two parts continually at war with one another: the ego, which drives us to conform to the orderly and unnatural existence we impose on ourselves through society, and the id, the primal part of our nature that just wants to have as much sex as possible. The latter is our most basic nature, Freud said; conversely, our efforts to civilize ourselves are what make us miserable. And misery loves company, as they say, even if it's the company of a hapless dog dressed up in a sweater.

Because, had Freud been interested in anything but his own raging boner, he might have seen some significance in the level of civilization we increasingly impose upon our -- not coincidentally -- increasingly neurotic dogs. We dress them up and around in purses, we give them the food we eat and relieve them of their genitals (emasculation: now that's Freudian), we train them, subjugate them, imbue them with a sense of shame and turn them into mini-humans, just as sad and messed-up as we are. But hey, at least -- like us -- they're comfortable.

There's a weird mix of love, power and pity that goes into dog ownership in these weird postmodern times, and our subconscious effort to turn our dogs into us seems to be inching ever closer to its natural conclusion, which is to put pants on them and get them crapping indoors. So chalk another point up to that goal with the Comfy K9's Dog Park in Northglenn.

As a free service, the 22,000 square-foot doggy daycare facility opens its doors on weekend days (Saturdays 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.; Sundays 1 p.m. to 5 p.m.) to any extraordinarily guilty pet owner who cares to come down -- do keep in mind, though, that current vaccinations are required (bring proof) and a $5 donation to the National Mill Dog Rescue is suggested. "We have the space, there was a need and we saw some good that could be done," says general manager Rusty Thornton in the press release.

Comfy K9's is located at 11429 Pearl Street, near the intersection of 104th Avenue and 1-25. For more information, call 303-920-2108. Worst case scenario: With the indoor heat, at least you can relieve the dog of that shameful sweater.